lmao.

so aside from the world being cruel to me, things have actually been turning out ok for me. i mean, i did have to stay in the library after the tests due to the lack on friends at school but aside from that, i’m fine.

i figured, i’m ok with everything for real. if i don’t hear from him, aww.. ok rapud. just make sure i don’t hear from him in a very long time.

no more choices for me. santa knows what i want this christmas. make it good, mister. common, i know you want to 😉

i can’t wait to go xmas shopping for my outfit on friday. i want a pretty dress and i’m not taking skirts as an option right now. yes, thank you 🙂

mom’s home. now i’m not in the ranting mood. she just reminded me of how miserble i am at home.

argh, matey!

today was good for me. it was kind. it was better, waaay better than yesterday. yesterday made no sense to me. no sense to me at all. humm..

anyways, i spent the whole morning with tamae, talking and helping her try to make her speech in bisaya which was FREAKIN hard, man. lol

the whole significance of my morning though was talking to tammy about everything. well, not everything but you know, that. what’s happening right now. and to be honest, i’m shocked. lol. TAMAE MAN GUD! I BLAME YOU AND YOUR GUESSES! haha.

now, i’m just confused. lol

she let me rant for a while and yeah, that did go on for some time. lol. pisti.

and i hate how she kinda guessed what i didn’t realize. i swear, it’s just so hard.

is it too late to wish it all away now? i don’t wanna wish it all away. i just wish, this wasn’t as complicated. lol

he’s the nicest
he makes me want to change
i know i can trust him
i can see that he’s willing to try
he makes me smile

but sometimes i feel that i havta give him a little push now and then. just to make sure i’m not completely alone in this

he’s soo nice… i can’t break his heart.

he plays games [but sometimes, i like it]
he’s fun
for some reason, he can be the most annoying person in the world but, i never get annoyed
i don’t have to worry about what i say to him cuz it’s just cool like that
he’ll always be around
i don’t believe in this but like, sometimes, he gives me that feeling na, he’s changed. NOT. what am i? 13? HAHA

i have a feeling that he can hurt me the most

i don’t wanna think that i can live without him in the picture anymore because honestly, i thought about it and i realized na if he found someone else, it would crush me. crazy, right?

where is this all coming from? OH. TAMAE!!

she kinda said she knew who i wanted. and honestly, i don’t know. it struck me. her reasons struck me. and i now i can’t stop thinking.

what if i’m wrong? what if he hurts me and i’ll have no one else.

my eyes are stil sore from crying my eyes out. i feel like an idiot right now but not because i’m guilty or anything but because, i never realized what my parents taught me to.

sorry if this is soo publicized but this is where i channel all my feelings and forget how i feel and forget the world and just forget, you know?

you know, honestly, this was my decision, i asked for time and i know you’ll give that to me and i’m thankful. we had soo many time to fix things, so many days and hours to fix it. and i guess it hurts to know that when i’ve finally turned myself off, there’s still alot of you holding on to what i’ve let go and honestly, i can’t think of a reason why. and it makes me realize that, if you have reasons that i don’t maybe, this isn’t supposed to work out or end the way it should.

i know we’ve been friends for soo long. but, sometimes it feels like i don’t know.. maybe we don’t need each other as much as we used to.

i’m willing to be friends but right now, that’s all that i’m willing to be. i can’t imagine us trying to fix things again, not in this situation where i’m not quite willing to yet. i just want to start from the begining, i want to know what we’re really supposed to be. if we’re supposed to be BFF’S, then we’ll cross each others paths again. if we’re not, then, well, i will always treasure what we had and i will always look back at our pictures and hopefully rem. the good days. not the quiet meals, not the insults, not the back bites and not the fights. no, none of that.

i want to be civil. just that.

i know you want more. but you’re soo fond of getting things your way. i know this is harsh but, not right now, ok?
i can’t please you. i’ve done that for too long. i watched us put up too much for too many months and it’s time we learned that not everything can last as long as we want it to.

my eyes are stil sore from crying my eyes out. i feel like an idiot right now but not because i’m guilty or anything but because, i never realized what my parents taught me to.

sorry if this is soo publicized but this is where i channel all my feelings and forget how i feel and forget the world and just forget, you know?

you know, honestly, this was my decision, i asked for time and i know you’ll give that to me and i’m thankful. we had soo many time to fix things, so many days and hours to fix it. and i guess it hurts to know that when i’ve finally turned myself off, there’s still alot of you holding on to what i’ve let go and honestly, i can’t think of a reason why. and it makes me realize that, if you have reasons that i don’t maybe, this isn’t supposed to work out or end the way it should.

i know we’ve been friends for soo long. but, sometimes it feels like i don’t know.. maybe we don’t need each other as much as we used to.

i’m willing to be friends but right now, that’s all that i’m willing to be. i can’t imagine us trying to fix things again, not in this situation where i’m not quite willing to yet. i just want to start from the begining, i want to know what we’re really supposed to be. if we’re supposed to be BFF’S, then we’ll cross each others paths again. if we’re not, then, well, i will always treasure what we had and i will always look back at our pictures and hopefully rem. the good days. not the quiet meals, not the insults, not the back bites and not the fights. no, none of that.

i want to be civil. just that.

i know you want more. but you’re soo fond of getting things your way. i know this is harsh but, not right now, ok?
i can’t please you. i’ve done that for too long. i watched us put up too much for too many months and it’s time we learned that not everything can last as long as we want it to.

honestly, i don’t know what to do anymore. i can’t say that i’m totally sad about what’s happening because quite frankly, i don’t think much of anything is going to change except for the .. the really can’t find the right word to describe it. the .. shit, i know this.. uhm, AMBOT OIE, PISTI!

anyways, yeah, things have been happening in my world lately. imagine that, i finally have something to talk about something other than hating school or .. whatever.

hahai. i know things’ll be different. lunches will def. be akward since we’ve managed to go through a whole year putting up with this but.. this is what i want and i’m sure she wanted it too since she didn’t even have the courtesy of talking to me about it. so, i guess, we’re ok.? no, but she has her friends and i have my notebook. which sounds sooo exciting.

miguel picked me up today. i made him spend 300 bucks on a cab. lol. thanks, mig. iit was fun.

anyways, i’m over it. i just wont go to school. simple.

“ring ring” checks phone: francis [shsj] Ü

do i really want this?

no

i think i want something else. and i’m not telling.

i think it’s a completely different thing when you don’t wanna tell your friends about him cuz you’re scared of spoiling it. spoiling your chances of being happy and spoiling your chances of being with him.

i wish he’d want me back. ❤

issa decides to get real.

done fantasizing here, thankyouverymuch.

anyways, my week has been hectic. i’m pilled with projects again. but it figures, once it’s this time of the quarter, this kind of stuff is expected. the only good thing about projects and p.t.’s is that we get to slack off alot and projects are a good source of income for me. making them for other people, that is. people must think i badly need the money cuz i’m soo into selling nowadays but, i don’t know.it’s something i wanna do for a very long time. i have a fetish for making my own money and watching it grow. mr. right, you’re gonna have to deal with that. 🙂 thank you, rich dad, poor dad. LMAO.

anyways, yesterday was fun for me. and my week has been pretty fair. my days are getting brighter despite the rain. ❤
the other day, i almost got drunk from a glass of wine. geez louise. krystle gyud. “is your mom a baker cuz you have great buns” you bitch. haha.

yesterday was fun too.i got my artwork loyalty card and i hung out with mikee [again] and marc.:) and they got to meet my mom! haha. which got my mom asking. geez. “who were they?” “unsa man to? kinsa nila nanguyab nimo?!” haha. fuck. sorry, marc. didn’t tell yoiu about that. Hehe?

i stayed up late yesterday reading old conversations on paper that i saved from my first year of highschool. dramatixx, man. lmao. i miss those times. i miss it badly. </3 i could never have what i had in stc all the way in mmch where little happens. but i’m fine. i have “other” things that keep me sane. like, staying up late at the thought of marc puking his guts out cuz of too many bazooka shots. lmao. i still don’t know what that is. so tell me, what’s your deepest and darkest secret? smug.