can you f’in dream like me?!

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Jean Louise I. Chua IV- Platinum                                                     June 25, 2007

 

Of Dreams and Little Wishes

 

          It’s funny how dreaming comes so naturally for all of us.
And it’s silly how some of us dream and dream our all lives and wake up one day
to the bitter reality that we’ve either dreamed too much or we haven’t been
dreaming enough. Another funny thing about dreaming is how they are constantly
changing which just goes to show how we never really know what we want.

 

          When I was a little girl, I used to dream of being a
princess locked up in a tower with lots of toys and candy. I used to dream and
believe that if I dreamt that I was a princess long enough, I’d eventually turn
into one.

 

          As time few by, I realized that there wouldn’t be any
castle or rooms full of toys or candy. So to channel my disappointment, I
dreamed of different things. Things I could picture myself actually being.

 

          I dreamt of being a veterinarian (because I love animals),
a professional dog-handler (because I love dogs more than any animal in the
whole world), a writer (because I love to write), an actress (because I think I can act), a lawyer (because I
love steamy debates and I’m a good liar too), an internist (because that’s what
my mother brain washed me into wanting to be) and so many other things.

 

          And like many dreams, these wishes easily left as soon as
they came and I was again faced with endless possibilities of what I wanted to
be.

 

          But among all the things I’ve wanted and wished for, my
dream of being a fashion designer is the only real dream I’ve ever wanted to
accomplish more than anything in the entire world.  It’s just something that I’ve seriously wanted
to be. And I could tell you all the reasons why but I’d rather not. [hehe]

 

          If I could have all these things, that’d be great! I swear,
I’d be nothing but grateful. But if I’d have to choose between a life of glitz,
glamour and luxury over the one thing that I’d rather have for the rest of my
life, I’d change everything I’ve ever wanted in a minute. Because the truth is,
the one thing I truly dream for in life is to be happy – truly happy.

 

I want
to live the kind of life which doesn’t require me to look back and wish I did
this or wish I didn’t do that. I want to live a life surrounded by family and
friends and tons of blessings.

 

Don’t
let the package fool you, mister. I’m just a simple girl with simple wants and
wishes, is all. I’m not that high
maintenance.

can you f’in dream like me?!

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Jean Louise I. Chua IV- Platinum                                                     June 25, 2007

 

Of Dreams and Little Wishes

 

          It’s funny how dreaming comes so naturally for all of us.
And it’s silly how some of us dream and dream our all lives and wake up one day
to the bitter reality that we’ve either dreamed too much or we haven’t been
dreaming enough. Another funny thing about dreaming is how they are constantly
changing which just goes to show how we never really know what we want.

 

          When I was a little girl, I used to dream of being a
princess locked up in a tower with lots of toys and candy. I used to dream and
believe that if I dreamt that I was a princess long enough, I’d eventually turn
into one.

 

          As time few by, I realized that there wouldn’t be any
castle or rooms full of toys or candy. So to channel my disappointment, I
dreamed of different things. Things I could picture myself actually being.

 

          I dreamt of being a veterinarian (because I love animals),
a professional dog-handler (because I love dogs more than any animal in the
whole world), a writer (because I love to write), an actress (because I think I can act), a lawyer (because I
love steamy debates and I’m a good liar too), an internist (because that’s what
my mother brain washed me into wanting to be) and so many other things.

 

          And like many dreams, these wishes easily left as soon as
they came and I was again faced with endless possibilities of what I wanted to
be.

 

          But among all the things I’ve wanted and wished for, my
dream of being a fashion designer is the only real dream I’ve ever wanted to
accomplish more than anything in the entire world.  It’s just something that I’ve seriously wanted
to be. And I could tell you all the reasons why but I’d rather not. [hehe]

 

          If I could have all these things, that’d be great! I swear,
I’d be nothing but grateful. But if I’d have to choose between a life of glitz,
glamour and luxury over the one thing that I’d rather have for the rest of my
life, I’d change everything I’ve ever wanted in a minute. Because the truth is,
the one thing I truly dream for in life is to be happy – truly happy.

 

I want
to live the kind of life which doesn’t require me to look back and wish I did
this or wish I didn’t do that. I want to live a life surrounded by family and
friends and tons of blessings.

 

Don’t
let the package fool you, mister. I’m just a simple girl with simple wants and
wishes, is all. I’m not that high
maintenance.

can you f’in dream like me?!

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Jean Louise I. Chua IV- Platinum                                                     June 25, 2007

 

Of Dreams and Little Wishes

 

          It’s funny how dreaming comes so naturally for all of us.
And it’s silly how some of us dream and dream our all lives and wake up one day
to the bitter reality that we’ve either dreamed too much or we haven’t been
dreaming enough. Another funny thing about dreaming is how they are constantly
changing which just goes to show how we never really know what we want.

 

          When I was a little girl, I used to dream of being a
princess locked up in a tower with lots of toys and candy. I used to dream and
believe that if I dreamt that I was a princess long enough, I’d eventually turn
into one.

 

          As time few by, I realized that there wouldn’t be any
castle or rooms full of toys or candy. So to channel my disappointment, I
dreamed of different things. Things I could picture myself actually being.

 

          I dreamt of being a veterinarian (because I love animals),
a professional dog-handler (because I love dogs more than any animal in the
whole world), a writer (because I love to write), an actress (because I think I can act), a lawyer (because I
love steamy debates and I’m a good liar too), an internist (because that’s what
my mother brain washed me into wanting to be) and so many other things.

 

          And like many dreams, these wishes easily left as soon as
they came and I was again faced with endless possibilities of what I wanted to
be.

 

          But among all the things I’ve wanted and wished for, my
dream of being a fashion designer is the only real dream I’ve ever wanted to
accomplish more than anything in the entire world.  It’s just something that I’ve seriously wanted
to be. And I could tell you all the reasons why but I’d rather not. [hehe]

 

          If I could have all these things, that’d be great! I swear,
I’d be nothing but grateful. But if I’d have to choose between a life of glitz,
glamour and luxury over the one thing that I’d rather have for the rest of my
life, I’d change everything I’ve ever wanted in a minute. Because the truth is,
the one thing I truly dream for in life is to be happy – truly happy.

 

I want
to live the kind of life which doesn’t require me to look back and wish I did
this or wish I didn’t do that. I want to live a life surrounded by family and
friends and tons of blessings.

 

Don’t
let the package fool you, mister. I’m just a simple girl with simple wants and
wishes, is all. I’m not that high
maintenance.

bending backwards

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oh, what a perfect day for another annual sobfest.
aren’t you used to this yet?

is it just me or has anyone ever felt the feeling that there will always be certain occassions in your life where no matter what you do or no matter how hard you try to get away from something, you will always be responsible for something that happened or something that is bound to happen? or like, the fact that you are part of someone directly makes you a rebound? if he isn’t here to be pissed at, you automatically get the nasty remarks. and because he’s not here to take the blame, you get it instead.

that’s exactly how i feel..

i do not doubt the fact that my dad loves me because love is so easy to give. my god, i could love a monkeys ass if i wanted to – that is, if i wanted. but no, i’m not asking anyone to love me, especially him because i honestly doubt that he knows what love really is. i want him to start acting like a dad and do something. because no one can live on love alone especially not me. not when i’m living off a guy who isn’t my blood but is pretending and trying his best to be for me all because that person who’s supposed to be doing all those daddy stuff isn’t here for me. or has never ever been there for me. and that is a fact and no one can ever try to deny that.

i know i should probably cut him some slack but i’m telling myself not to consider him anymore because he has never for a second considered me or my mom or my papa. and that’s just something i’ve been having to live with ever since before.

it just sucks to know that my mom and papa are so disappointed because he’s not doing his responsibilties. yes, it’s about money again and i know that i should be greatful that he already sends 1000 a month but seriously, i’m not stupid. i know that’s not him. and the fact that he needs his sister and mother to cover up for him just hurts a lot because in the end, i’ll end up looking like the dumb one.

another thing is, i justhate the fact that they’re mad/upset or whatever. because honestly, it feels like it’s my fault again. it feels like i should take the blame because he’s not here to take it. it feels like all their anger is going to pile up on me because i’m never going to have the guts to tell him this because i know he’ll tell me some sad sob story about how he doesn’t eat or how he works soo hard to support his family and whatever. aren’t i family too? don’t i deserve more than 1 k a month? that’s not even enough to pay for my bus, bitch.

the thing with him is, he thinks that that’s enough. he’s never even asked how i buy clothes or where i get the money to go out with friends. he doesn’t even ask me how much a get a week or if what he gives is enough. he thinks giving me a check for a luosy 1k is going to get him off the hook. it’s not like that. shallow a reality pill, buddy.

geez, sometimes the feeling of being a responsibility and burden is too much for me to handle. that’s why i can’t wait to finish college and live my own life. then i wouldn’t have to put with this.

so now, i’m not going to depend on him anymore. nor am i going to depend on my granny or tita annie to pick me up at school anymore. i think it’s better if we just forgot that we ever meant anything to each other. i guess it’ll be a little less complicated that way.

i hate the fact that we’re slaves of money. :[

as for my parents.. wa. na uwaw lang ko. cuz it’s my fault. or it just really feels like it is. idk. i’m always the problem.

bending backwards

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oh, what a perfect day for another annual sobfest.
aren’t you used to this yet?

is it just me or has anyone ever felt the feeling that there will always be certain occassions in your life where no matter what you do or no matter how hard you try to get away from something, you will always be responsible for something that happened or something that is bound to happen? or like, the fact that you are part of someone directly makes you a rebound? if he isn’t here to be pissed at, you automatically get the nasty remarks. and because he’s not here to take the blame, you get it instead.

that’s exactly how i feel..

i do not doubt the fact that my dad loves me because love is so easy to give. my god, i could love a monkeys ass if i wanted to – that is, if i wanted. but no, i’m not asking anyone to love me, especially him because i honestly doubt that he knows what love really is. i want him to start acting like a dad and do something. because no one can live on love alone especially not me. not when i’m living off a guy who isn’t my blood but is pretending and trying his best to be for me all because that person who’s supposed to be doing all those daddy stuff isn’t here for me. or has never ever been there for me. and that is a fact and no one can ever try to deny that.

i know i should probably cut him some slack but i’m telling myself not to consider him anymore because he has never for a second considered me or my mom or my papa. and that’s just something i’ve been having to live with ever since before.

it just sucks to know that my mom and papa are so disappointed because he’s not doing his responsibilties. yes, it’s about money again and i know that i should be greatful that he already sends 1000 a month but seriously, i’m not stupid. i know that’s not him. and the fact that he needs his sister and mother to cover up for him just hurts a lot because in the end, i’ll end up looking like the dumb one.

another thing is, i justhate the fact that they’re mad/upset or whatever. because honestly, it feels like it’s my fault again. it feels like i should take the blame because he’s not here to take it. it feels like all their anger is going to pile up on me because i’m never going to have the guts to tell him this because i know he’ll tell me some sad sob story about how he doesn’t eat or how he works soo hard to support his family and whatever. aren’t i family too? don’t i deserve more than 1 k a month? that’s not even enough to pay for my bus, bitch.

the thing with him is, he thinks that that’s enough. he’s never even asked how i buy clothes or where i get the money to go out with friends. he doesn’t even ask me how much a get a week or if what he gives is enough. he thinks giving me a check for a luosy 1k is going to get him off the hook. it’s not like that. shallow a reality pill, buddy.

geez, sometimes the feeling of being a responsibility and burden is too much for me to handle. that’s why i can’t wait to finish college and live my own life. then i wouldn’t have to put with this.

so now, i’m not going to depend on him anymore. nor am i going to depend on my granny or tita annie to pick me up at school anymore. i think it’s better if we just forgot that we ever meant anything to each other. i guess it’ll be a little less complicated that way.

i hate the fact that we’re slaves of money. :[

as for my parents.. wa. na uwaw lang ko. cuz it’s my fault. or it just really feels like it is. idk. i’m always the problem.

because i’m oh so bored

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1. The phone rings. Who do you want it
to be?
> james. or my best friends. or someone i haven’t talked to in a very long time. anyone except my dad.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
> am i required to? i never do.

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
> OVER AND OVER AGAIN

4. Do you take compliments well?
> i just laugh or idk.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
> i haven’t played in a long time but i love sodoku!

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
> i’d find ways but eventually give up. HAHA

7. Do you like nipple rings?
> ew, gross.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
> yeah, with jimmy.

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married what would you do?
> gwapo na, di? HAHA.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
> date man kaha, not marry.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
> i’d say pursue. i think.

14. Use three words to describe yourself at the moment.
> bored, hungry, bored, hungry

15. Do any songs make you cry?
> yeah. one sweet day. haven’t heard it in FOREVER.

16. Are you continuing your education?
> yeah, i guess.

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
> is there a special way of shooting? i wouldn’t know. i’m not barbaric. or something.

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
> phone, diaries!

19. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
> sibs, i guess.

20. Who do you call the most?
> james

21. Favorite children’s book?
> don’t have any

22. what color are your eyes?
> black ra intawn :[

23. How tall are you?
>  too tall for you to handle. HAHA. i wish.

24. Do you have a crush on ‘Dave the Goofy Professor’?
> who?

25. If you could do it over again, start from scratch, would you?
> uhm, no. i’ve learned alot. that’s what’s important.

26. Any secret admirers?
> oh.

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
> yep. way back with my mom and dad. those things are uber cool. lol

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
> kanang, saunang panahon pa to. i’m too cool for that place man gud. HAHA. jk

30. What is your favorite country?
> europe [wait, country na or continent? ambot.]

32. Do you like mustard?
> nooo. ew!

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
> eat then sleep :p and then die from bangungot

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
> most people say i look like my mom. some say my dad nya ang pinaka simang kai akong papa. liwat kuno ko niya. HELLO, PWEDE BA YAN?! hahahaha.

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
> depends.

36. Can you do splits?
> hell. i wouldn’t want to.

37. What movie do you want to see
right now?
> ratatouille

39. What did you do for New Year’s Eve?
> sit down and watch the fire works. i don’t have anyone my age to spend new years eve with :[ i hate the holidays

40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
> no,i  thought it was scary!!

42. Do you own a camera phone?
> yes, po

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
> i doubt.

45. What’s the last letter of your middle name?
> o for oooooooooooopen wide HAHAHA

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
> around 7- 8

48. Do you like care bears?
> yeah, they’re cute :]

49. What do you buy at the Movies?
> candy!!

50. Do you know how to play poker?
> lagz hasn’t taught me how yet :[

51. Do you wear seatbelt?
> hardly. i’m veery dangerous like that ;]

52. What do you wear to sleep?
> nothing. HAHA. jk. shorts, shirt. shirt.

53. Anything big ever happen in your town?
> city mani. and yeah, all the time.

55. Is your tongue pierced?
> not YET

56. Do you like Liver and Onions?
> gross.

57.Have you ever been in love?
> yes. yes, i have. or i am. :]

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
> seriously funny :p haha. no, i’d like a mix of both.

59. Ever been to L.A.?
> opo.

61. Do you visit goofyauctions.com daily?
> i think i’ll start ;P
my god, that place was coool. HAHA

63. Do you hate chocolate?
> only when it’s chocolate ice cream or cake.

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
> idk, money. my papa lies to my mom about stuff like that cuz my mom is tihik kunohay. my god, woman. money ought to be spent.

65?

66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
> honestly, no. they’re just icings on the cake. but i’m lucky to have my icing :]

67. If you could have any job what would it be?
> a hoooker!! HAHA. jk. uhm, a super duper model!

68. Are you easy to get along with?
> depends.

69. What is your favorite time of day?
> before i go to sleep :]

70. Are you a generally happy person?
>uhm..yeah. i think i am

funny shit i found on friendster.

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Girls : If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.

Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you’re cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to her.

Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her. <- oh, i like this one

Loving each other

Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on
the lips, and tell her you love her too… And mean it.

Laying below the stars
Girls : When you’re both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your
eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.

because i like writting my wishes down..

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before i miss the opportunity…

dear god,

i wish that James can visit the house on weekends
[ so i won’t have to think of excuses to go out and see him],

i wish that me and the parents’ll have the “talk” and it’ll be good.
i really want them to tell me that there’s nothing wrong about me being with someone

i wish that i’d see him on regular days, too.
missing him on the weekdays are just too sakit.

i wish i won’t run out of money anymore..
it sucks being broke.

i wish we’d stay this good and this happy
or even better.

i wish we’d be official soon.
i don’t mind waiting but still… i just wish.