i think everyone in my class is finding their place or at least knows half of the class by name. in my case however, i only know them by code name. the following examples are:

idk, it’s just been assignment after another. and it’s so crazy cuz some of the books that we’re required to buy aren’t even available at our book store so you can imagine the stuff i have to go through just to get the books or to get the selections of our homework that are in the books that i have yet to buy.

i wish i was in high school. it was so much easier back then.

i was looking at pictures on my multiply a while ago [issaplease.multiply.com] and i came across a picture of me in high school with my knee high socks and idk, i know that i don’t miss it but i can’t help but reminise. [sp?]

i’ve been studying the whole day and yesterday. and then tomorrow i have to wake up and do it all over again.

i think i just don’t see the beauty of all the hard work is cuz i don’t have passion for it. i think it’s true when they say that everything is just better when you love what you’re doing. but i don’t love what i’m doing. that’s the problem. but i am just being numb about the whole thing. deal with what they give you and just strive for it.

it’s all about the money at this point. forget being happy, forget everything that is supposed to matter. it doesn’t matter anymore because this was never my choice. oh well. another big *siiigh*

i got grounded yesterday for going home at around 12 riding a cab. but i didn’t actually ride a cab. i rode with james. but my parent don’t know that.

i had dinner with my friends and drank a bacardi with james. i got hit and thank god i did because it made whatever my mom said sound funny.

i stopped by james’s house to have a good talk with him. last night was perfect. so fuck whatever my mom said. i don’t know.

whether she likes it or not, i had fun. that’s all that matters now.

xoxo,
girl on the verge of insanity.

today was the first day of COLLEGE for me as a NURSING student and let me just tell you, i rock. HAHAHAH. jp. nah, it was ayt NO it was TIRING. i don’t think i’ve ever been soo tired from climbing flights of stairs. well, WHO WOULDN’T BE, THERE WERE 6 OF THEM?! AND I HAD TO CLIMB THEM OVER 6 TIMES! hahay.

it was crazy. when i got there, the whole place was swamped with freshmen. like, you could tell that they were freshmen cuz everyone was in casual wear while the higher levels were in their uniforms. i was so scared cuz nina wasnt there yet nor was james but i found some people to hang out with while they weren’t there yet. a bunch of theresians so it was ayt. at like 8 we had mass with all the other courses and then orientation. orientation was hellah boring and we were starving and i conclude that i rock because i cut my first class. except it wasn’t really a big deal but it was funny cuz we just walked out of the gymnasium in front of everyone. HAHA.

and then i spend most of my lunc break waiting to get my picture taken for my ID which i DIDN’T GET! ugh. i hate it soo much. i have t line up and do it again TOMORROW.  pisti. haha. while i was lining up, the BSN orientation was going on and by the time i got tired of waiting for my id, the orientation finished. so i basically climbed those 6 flights of stairs for nothing. raar.

after that we had our classes and then yeah, Christian Living and blah2. i’m class treasurer and that’s a good thing for me cuz now i get to keep the money. YEAH BOIII. hahah.

we’re 49 in class.

and college is sucking out all the energy in me.

good night.

see, it doesn’t take much to make me a happy camper 😀

yesterday was a good day. james came over while i was at grany’s place and he gave me a cheeseburger meal from mcdonalds which made me happy and his notes that i volunteered to write for him cuz i felt bad for the little booger. and then we talked for a while and fixed whatever it is we were fighting about the night before while he was at poker. lmao. just so you know, i started the fight cuz, idk, i don’t even rem. what it is we were fighting about. lmao.

then at night we went to get pizza and coffe and we just hung out and i don’t mean to be goofybut it was magical. haha. it felt like a real date and i haven’t actually been on one of those with him cuz i’m not allowed to by myold fashioned parents. lmao.

i’m in a hurry. but anyways, tonight me and james are watching boxing, vip style with my uncle who owns the boxing gym [ALA] and i guess it’ll be really swanky cuz ALA’s booming and whatever. i don’t care. ringside, baby. we’ll be close enough to feel the boxers sweat. lol.

it’s reasons like this that make me feel really lucky that my aunt married a rich guy. haha. a rich guy who i really love [as an uncle] cuz he spoils me and he draws really bad and it used to make me cry alot. lmao.

tonight i’m going to live a little. and i love it.

and i love james. 😀

i feel like i wasted another day today which is how i usually feel about every single day which makes it suck more. right now i wish i had a better life. something else other than this. i wish i slept at night look forward to waking up the next day but i don’t see that happening for me very soon. even though college is coming up. now lang. ambot. right now i just feel like college isn’t going to be as fun as i keep thinking it will be. i just feel like either i won’t get to hang out enough with james or that he’ll be breathing down my neck 24/7. and i feel that the latter is more likely to happen.

i wish i would fall asleep on him tonight because quite frankly, i do not want to talk to him right now. i don’t want to talk to anybody right now.

right now i just feel really empty or walai gana. i think i need someone to teach me how to handle disappointments because lately, that’s how i’ve been feeling a lot and it just really sucks.

i can’t help but feel bad or feel like i don’t care but still feel like wanting to cry at the same time. damn woman hormones.

i’m trying to remember what me and james did for our anniversary but somehow i can’t cuz fuck, we didn’t do ANYTHING. i want to remember the last time i really felt in love with him without having to have a big fight before that. but honestly, lately, idk. i’m just forgetting how it is to actually be in love with the guy.

don’t get me wrong, i do. i really do. but ambot. sometimes i feel like all this lying to see him or spend a few minutes with him isn’t worth it cuz it never happens. honestly, i don’t want to see him tomorrow and i mean it this time. i don’t know what’s wrong with me but i know that it’s about him. i know it has something to do with me not wanting to see him or talk to him or be around him.

i always go out of the way for him. but he wouldn’t even let me catch up to him at sm ganina. i wonder why. but i won’t question him. i don’t want another fight.

god, what would i do without this blog…