i hate this weekend. i want to die.

i’m loosing you and it’s effortless.

i hate this weekend. i want to die.

i’m loosing you and it’s effortless.

prom sucked. but the after party was amazing. i love every single bit of james no matter how complicated we may be. i think the whole drama with prom and the teachers felt like nothing to me cuza him.. yey.

Somehow, I need to make you
understand how everything we say and do is connected to everything in general.
When I say you make me feel like you are being unappreciative, i mean it
because when we fight over dumb things, it makes me feel like it in general.

            I
try to make you happy by doing things for you in the same way you do. And when
I’m happy, it’ll take a lot from you to make me mad again because I don’t want
to ruin the good times, because I trust you cuz I know you love me and you
don’t want to hurt me.

            But
somehow, I always seem to get extremely hurt when I try to do my best to make
you happy and something simple like a “do you wanna talk later” is all it takes
to make you mad. It’s like, everything I do is for nothing. I try to make you
happy for so many reasons. So you’ll know how much you mean to me, so you won’t
get that mad easily, so you’ll earn my trust.

            But
somehow, I am always never enough because after a few days, we’re back to right
where we started. Fighting and wanting to kill each other… again.

            And
i tried to make you understand this before but you didn’t get it.

            You
always say na gi labot nako ang walai apil but that’s not it.

            And  I don’t know how to make you understand this.

            I’m
running out of ideas.

i’m wasting time right now and taking advantage of this glorious moment to blog.. because i can. lmao.

i’m at jy square waiting for my mom and my aunt to come so we can get my prom dress fitted. i’ve got my fingers crossed that my dress looks exactly how i’ve dreamed it to be. i’m so bored right now. it’s unexplainable. lmao.

but i did happen to have a pretty good morning, fun and spontaneous- just how i like my days.

nina woke me up pretty early and she begged that i’d go to cdu with her while she took her exam and i, with no doubt, said yes. i got to suprised james and hang out with my best friend. that was fun.

so far i’ve had:
fries
a shake
shawarma
quesadillas
fried ice cream [yes, fried]
and an ice smoothie.

i’m feeling drowsy. proli cuz i’m full.

i’ll be going back to SM in a bit and then me and james’ll buy my prom stuff and watch tuesdays with morrie, on account it’s my project.

i have a dinner party for layla’s 18th and a crazy, happenin’ all girls debut to go to, too.

this is the life. ❤

james. please reply, you maniac!!

it’s been a while since i’ve been able to blog pointlessly and i miss it. i miss being able to do a lot of things that i’m used to doing and i guess i really just miss having all the time in the world.

i’m scared that one day, this blog is going to be nothing but my “teenage rant page” cuz i’ve practically grown on this site. and i’m scared that i’m just going to grow out of this eventually and i eventually will.:[

whatever. i just have nothing good to say cuz life is at it’s peak of it’s boringness.

my prom dress doesn’t look like how i want it too.
prom practice is tiring.
my munchkin business is doing good.
i’ve been into selling ipod’s lately
and idk.
james and i have been on, off, on, off and that’s just how we’ve been.

i’m over it.

you know how you always want to be happy. no one ever dreams or prays for a crappy day. come on. and you know how you’re always trying to make other people or yourself happy?

well, what if it doesn’t work? what if it doesn’t work anymore?

today, me and james have been together for 9 months. and today has been the worse day of my life, so far. and i’m not sugar coating that. i only have nina and chabel to thank for my sanity.

and i’m aksing myself, is it worth it? iknow it is but god, today just isn’t working for me at all.

i love him, i really do but something’s just not working.

he always leaves and turns his back on me. – am i not worth staying for?

he gets crazy when i’m with my friends – can i never be with him AND my friends at the same time? even if they’re boys…

he insults me – i knew i said i’d leave him if he physically abused me. but god, being sort of verbally abused hurts just as much.

i’m always wrong – or it’s ALWAYS such a big deal when i’m at faul but somehow i can never get as mad as he does when HE’S at fault.

and idk. i don’t wanna list everything.it’s unfair. i have my own set of faults, too.

and i’m not saying that i dpn’t wanna be with him cuz i still do.

right now, i’m just scared that this is the couple we’re going to be.

i just need a little encouragement. because i’m falling apart and wondering if i can still do it.

and i need a little reassuring. cuz it’s gettinng really hard.

and i can feel my heart breaking.

happy 9th. i love you. no matter how hard it gets.

haven’t blogged in ages cuz i haven’t had the time. i’ve been flooded with projects and school stuff and family issues and going out. i have a social life now and a pretty awesome one indeed! lmao.

it’s 5 am. and it’s sinulog. look it up. it’s the biggest thing in cebu! lmao. i’m at bea’s pplace and the partying has just been off the hook fo’ sho!!!

i’m not drunk. i think. i’m blogging the right way, right? i swear, i just look like i am! good night, for real!

mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah,

james, i love you. every single ass shacking piece of you!!!!!!!!!!!