… including myself.

I keep telling this girl, i long to the thin here on xanga to keep holding on and that she’ll make it. When i, on the the other hand, who doesn’t even have it half as hard as she does, is having a hard time merely making it through the day.

My mom and paolo’s mom could possibly be fighting because of some rumor. I find my mom the biggest hypocrite of them all and i personally cannot wait for every single thing she’s done to bite her in the ass. She speaks for poorly of a lot of people and in the process makes herself sound as if she is or was any better than anyone else. Well, she’s not. She thinks that her opinion is the best opinion or like she’s never been in that position before. It’s about time that someone attacked her. She’s a bitch [even if i love her, i’m not a liar] and she deserves whatever horrible thing that could happen to her. [socially speaking]

ugh. i’m just so tired of hypocrites.

i mean, who gets a burberry bag and lies about buying it? Yeah, she won’t seem to admit that her “new”bag was given out of this charity shit her friend is doing. And who buys a 40k LV bag and says that we don’t have money? she does. It’s nice to know where half of my allowance is going. yeah, she cut my allowance in half.

a hypocrite and a liar. God blessed me so much.

My actual conversation last week that’s STILL making me feel bad…

Diana: Thanks for putting on my make up.
Me: No problem.
(After a long pause)
Wow, you’re a waste of concealer. You basically need to cover up your whole face.

And that’s why i don’t have friends. 😐

hi. i want to sleep indefinitely 😦 nursing will be the death of me

If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.

i have officially screwed up my relationship. I haven’t seen Paolo the WHOLE week and what do i do on the one day that we do? i make a fool out of myself and humiliate him in public 😦

The story is: i was texting all his friends asking him about what to get him for his birthday and he STILL insisted on checking my phone even with those messages there. and he did something that made me think that he knew what my gift was and i instantly freaked out.

But i was mostly annoyed by the fact that he still feels the need to check my phone and facilitate who i’m texting. I’m always been that. I do think i deserve a little more slack than what he’s giving me. But now i realize especially after what happened… that i need to give HIM more slack than i actually do.

Believe me, i was some possessed little girl screwing at the top of my lungs for everyone to see. And he still didn’t leave especially after i repeatedly told him to do so. If it were anyone else… i know it would be completely different.

They were right when they said a relationship cannot stand without trust, ladies and gentlemen