Category Archives: Uncategorized

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There are two of the arguably worst scenarios in the whole world. First is being at an airport having to say good bye to someone you love and second is having someone you love being sent to the hospital. Unfortunately, I happen to be affiliated with the latter..

It always starts the same way, in the middle of a perfect day where you think that nothing bad can possibly happen, your phone rings and sometimes you answer it sometimes you don’t. But once you do, you’re going to end up wishing you never even owned a phone.

And then everything after that is just a big bad blur full of running, crying and trying-to-be-strongs. It just gets so surreal and somewhere in the middle of all the chaos you just stop for a second because you have to pinch yourself to check if it’s all really happening. And when you don’t find yourself waking up to what you hoped to be a bad dream- that’s when you start to hate everything.

You start to turn to God which can either be your only option or your LAST option. You make conditions with him like, “if he gets better I promise to go to church everyday for the rest of my life.” even if we know that promise will be quickly outlived. Or you start blaming Him, questioning Him and even doubting His very existence. Or validating His non-existence, if you’re aboard that boat..

And when you’ve done everything you possibly can to no avail, you start reminiscing the good times and the bad and realize that you would do absolutely anything to have at least just one more day like that. You cry at the fact that no matter how much you would want to do something, in reality there really isn’t anything you can do to instantly make everything OK.

So the next day comes which validates your fears of this tragedy being anything but a bad dream. And you muster every single nerve in your body to pull yourself out of bed and put on a fake smile and let out the coldest laugh.

This is life at it’s finest. No one said it was great. It hardly ever is.

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I have dreams of being somewhere far away where no body knows me and what happened in the past does not justify the present. I dream of making a name for myself and being someone I and my family can be proud of. I dream of dreaming bigger than people normally do.. I dream of the impossible.

Yes, I have come to terms with the fact  that maybe my dreams are too big even for such a small girl like me but I could say I’m determined, in my own terms, and I will get there.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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Last night I had a wonderful dream about me buying my mother and father their own lot where they were to build their own house… a dream that I’ve been longing to do for the longest time. But the house I dreamt of building was waaaay to vast and magnificent compared to the house that I can actually afford to give them one day if I pursue being a nurse.

I’ve always dreamt of being something more than what I am reaching for maybe an editor-in-chief, a CEO of something or even a fashion designer which has been my dream since I was 3 years old. So I’ve decided to do something about it. Although I’m not so sure I want to endure complete public humiliations through my pathetic attempts so as of now, it’s all a secret. šŸ™‚

wish me luck!

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I guess that I’ve been around long enough to know based on first hand experience that you can never really please everybody no matter how much you would want to… But I’m not implying that I’ve ever wanted to. I guess there are instances in the middle of an ordinary day when you find out that you’ve let someone down or hurt them without even having the intention to do so at all. So what do you do?

This time I’m choosing not to care basically because I don’t want to. Apathy has always worked for me anyways and when it comes down to it this is all because of the lack of character. Mine and yours.

whatever. I can’t even think right now.

A Day In the Life..

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6:00 am – wake up
7:00 – 6:30: School
6:30 – study, eat, write notes
9:00 – pretend i’m interesting
10:30 – sleep

my life is soo complex. 0o.

Had a meeting with my research group today and when I called my papa to pick me up found out that they couldn’t fetch me cuz they were all on their way to S and R. Out of frustration,I used my mom’s money [that i still owe her from last night] to buy Mcdonald’s because well… I’m always hungry. But half way through my meal I realized that she”ll proli take it out of my allowance for next week and then I just wanted to punch something.

Tomorrow’s monday and here I am putting the pro in procrastination again. I am the absolute shit. Someone build me a shine and praise me.

Almost Infinity and Beyond

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I swear to God today was like the hottest day in the world and what an unfortunate day to be hot when it just so happens to be the first day of your second semester!

I literally had this going on the whole day…


And no matter how much I tried to make myself look human-like with ALL the make up I had, I still ended up looking like a zombie from the lack of sleep all because our AC is messed up and I had a bad case of the munchies at 1 in the morning.

And then there was the commuting-to-school part which I absolutely dread the most. It makes school sound like a haven on most days but at least I rode with Diana and we split the fair which meant I saved at least 1/4 of my allowance. BIG HELP- you have no idea!

When we got to school I was really unsure if I was happy to see most of the people or if I was completely apathetic since I’ve been seeing their faces for the past 3 years but I love my blockmates no matter what and I know they missed me so I chose NOT to deprive them of the awesomeness that is ISSA.

At Cebu Doctors’ University no day is a chill day. It’s always hectic and literally draining but then I tell myself and everyone else secretly chants this, “1 1/2 years nalang…” and then it’s like what the hell, I don’t care. I can do this!!

So now I’m slowly going to say Good-bye to my sanity because I’ll be consumed in notes, pre and post tests and everything that will be the death me now.

P.S. I’m the hostess for this years Garland ceremony. Yey me!

P.S.S. This blog has benefited me one way or another. My mom happened to catch me writing my blog around the time I complained about commuting and I NEVER HAVE TO COMMUTE AGAIN!!!! šŸ˜€ i STILL want my car.

!i!Hola!i!
 

Almost Infinity and Beyond

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I swear to God today was like the hottest day in the world and what an unfortunate day to be hot when it just so happens to be the first day of your second semester!

I literally had this going on the whole day…


And no matter how much I tried to make myself look human-like with ALL the make up I had, I still ended up looking like a zombie from the lack of sleep all because our AC is messed up and I had a bad case of the munchies at 1 in the morning.

And then there was the commuting-to-school part which I absolutely dread the most. It makes school sound like a haven on most days but at least I rode with Diana and we split the fair which meant I saved at least 1/4 of my allowance. BIG HELP- you have no idea!

When we got to school I was really unsure if I was happy to see most of the people or if I was completely apathetic since I’ve been seeing their faces for the past 3 years but I love my blockmates no matter what and I know they missed me so I chose NOT to deprive them of the awesomeness that is ISSA.

At Cebu Doctors’ University no day is a chill day. It’s always hectic and literally draining but then I tell myself and everyone else secretly chants this, “1 1/2 years nalang…” and then it’s like what the hell, I don’t care. I can do this!!

So now I’m slowly going to say Good-bye to my sanity because I’ll be consumed in notes, pre and post tests and everything that will be the death me now.

P.S. I’m the hostess for this years Garland ceremony. Yey me!

P.S.S. This blog has benefited me one way or another. My mom happened to catch me writing my blog around the time I complained about commuting and I NEVER HAVE TO COMMUTE AGAIN!!!! šŸ˜€ i STILL want my car.

!i!Hola!i!
 

Divorced, Divorcing, Divorcee

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So today I almost died at the sound of my grandmother, my aunt and my own mothers’ voices as they spent around 3 hours rambling on and on and on about each others personal lives [which really has no business being on here] and one major topic that constantly kept reoccurring- divorce.

And after watching FRIENDS the whole day, I feel like I sympathize for Ross Geller and what the heck… it’s not some thing I haven’t talked about before so hit.

Malachi 2:16: “I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel.”
Matthew 19:6).“So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate”

Well, my grandmother, who was obviously on the con side of marriage mentioned that God says some stuff about divorce in the bible so I decided that I would search it on the internet [thank God for Google] and that was basically what I found. Usually I like to win conversations like this with, “well, what if I don’t believe in God?” but as someone who one day does hope to get married in front of God, I shouldn’t.

But my mom has been divorced and so has my aunt and knowing their reasons for getting a divorce, it just made me wonder, if God knew what kind of men his children would turn out to be would he still say the things he said? Idk, I don’t even want to start on the topic of God and His opinion because that raises so many questions and I’d rather not. But going back to topic, is divorce such a bad thing?
 
Honestly, on my side, I wouldn’t want to get a divorce unless I absolutely had to. I mean, it defeats the whole purpose of a marriage right? But it just teaches us to be absolutely sure about the person that we want to marry. But, it has come to my attention that a  lot of women [girls, actually] only get married out of practicality. “Oh, if I married him I wouldn’t have to work a day in my life.” EVEN if they know that the man they want to marry if a two-timing man whore. And in the end, when they are married with a family and the whole she-bang they realize that they don’t wanna live that kind of life anymore and just mess up everyone else’s lives. But then again, that’s their story are really not any of my business.

In the end, I’d still say I am pro divorce and I support anyone who wants to get a divorce it’s just that… I wish that people would learn to be smarter because that way they would save a lot of people the hurt and frustration.

Divorced, Divorcing, Divorcee

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So today I almost died at the sound of my grandmother, my aunt and my own mothers’ voices as they spent around 3 hours rambling on and on and on about each others personal lives [which really has no business being on here] and one major topic that constantly kept reoccurring- divorce.

And after watching FRIENDS the whole day, I feel like I sympathize for Ross Geller and what the heck… it’s not some thing I haven’t talked about before so hit.

Malachi 2:16: “I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel.”
Matthew 19:6).“So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate”

Well, my grandmother, who was obviously on the con side of marriage mentioned that God says some stuff about divorce in the bible so I decided that I would search it on the internet [thank God for Google] and that was basically what I found. Usually I like to win conversations like this with, “well, what if I don’t believe in God?” but as someone who one day does hope to get married in front of God, I shouldn’t.

But my mom has been divorced and so has my aunt and knowing their reasons for getting a divorce, it just made me wonder, if God knew what kind of men his children would turn out to be would he still say the things he said? Idk, I don’t even want to start on the topic of God and His opinion because that raises so many questions and I’d rather not. But going back to topic, is divorce such a bad thing?
 
Honestly, on my side, I wouldn’t want to get a divorce unless I absolutely had to. I mean, it defeats the whole purpose of a marriage right? But it just teaches us to be absolutely sure about the person that we want to marry. But, it has come to my attention that a  lot of women [girls, actually] only get married out of practicality. “Oh, if I married him I wouldn’t have to work a day in my life.” EVEN if they know that the man they want to marry if a two-timing man whore. And in the end, when they are married with a family and the whole she-bang they realize that they don’t wanna live that kind of life anymore and just mess up everyone else’s lives. But then again, that’s their story are really not any of my business.

In the end, I’d still say I am pro divorce and I support anyone who wants to get a divorce it’s just that… I wish that people would learn to be smarter because that way they would save a lot of people the hurt and frustration.