somehow in every situation I get myself involved in, i am always a baby.

Maybe it’s supposed to be a compliment but sometimes it scares me.

Does my credibility become compromised when I become dubbed as a baby?

I can’t go out and wear extremely sexy clothes because I’ll look like a baby prostitute and when I dress my age- I look sloppy.

Maybe I’ll walk around naked or send out a scandal so people will remember how old i am.

I keep getting these fucking epiphany’s everytime I play stupid tetris battle.

I think I am ocd or a hypochondriac because i keep thinking that something’s wrong with me. Let’s say for instance when i’m playing tetris battle and i hate myself everytime I lose because i don’t understand why I suck so bad and why I can’t stop. I won’t stop until I start wining. And that’s when I start to think that I push myself to hard. But that doesn’t stop me either.

It’s like when I start to think about my other blog and how frustrated I am that I am never contented and how I’m not where I wanna be yet. And then I spend restless hours trying to think of someway to fix it and make it better. And then I work and work like a horse.

I never know when to stop.

I don’t know why I’m so angry all the time….

Which leads me to this question, why hasn’t paolo left me yet?

I think about it constantly. I wouldn’t want to be with me. Why would he?

i cut my hair today!

And i will officially start combing my hair everyday starting tomorrow.

And I also got a book!

And I went to Cebu Blog Camp 2011. And someone called my pretty.

That made me happy.

And my mom did something for herself- that also made me happy.

And I havent been this tired in a while…

Wow. Someone get me The Perks book. I lost mine… 😦

i cut my hair today!

And i will officially start combing my hair everyday starting tomorrow.

And I also got a book!

And I went to Cebu Blog Camp 2011. And someone called my pretty.

That made me happy.

And my mom did something for herself- that also made me happy.

And I havent been this tired in a while…

Wow. Someone get me The Perks book. I lost mine… 😦

I have this uncontrollable to be the best at everything. And it’s nights like this days behind on my period, PMS-ing like it’s no one’s business that make me realize that I’m not the best and for a fact, I never will be which ultimately makes me want more and get all anxious.

Sometimes it’s not even about being the best but rather about me not being where I want to be and not knowing what to do about it. I swear, I want too much sometimes. Not in the material realm though but in life.

I’m always feeling lost lately and frustrated and angry and I don’t know why.

I wish I would stop pushing people away and I wish I wasn’t such a bitch to actually cry it out.

Why can’t I cry….

i always get confused when saying that line with Friends and Glee. I miss friends 😦

the kids are out and so is mother dearest so im all alone at home being lazy but then again productive at the same time.

Today was my second day of training and this time I ran without paolo. Yesterdays run took about 2 hours from my house to Mcdonald’s but today only took less than an hour. Along the way I kept chanting “1 2 3 4 – breathe” and kept trying to pace myself but I was off and ended up running faster than I usually do (with or without training) and messed up my stomach. You know when you feel like you’re appendix just burst? That’s what I meant.

Along the way I saw: a dead cat (it wasn’t roadkill boo) and a small kid smoking

I almost smelled: wet fish and wet pee

But it’s those things which are the sole purpose of why I run amongst traffic and not in a gym where I don’t get to exercise my eyes.

Once I start my bike training I guess I’ll have to go back though… *sigh* I’m scared they’ll kick me out like LAST time. 😦

Anyways, off to being lazy again. yey me!

Then at least i spend the best days of my life loving you

Then at least i never failed to tell you that i did,

I love you so much! 🙂

Why do they call it the moon walk?

I don’t believe in things like karma [anymore] or that you can just suddenly stop loving someone.

I don’t think that you can be in-love with a person all the time but love, yes, I do believe that you can love someone for the rest of your life. And that’s how I feel about you.

And I miss you more than I miss pizza and hamburgers and even more than I could ever miss ice cream and it’s killing me. I feel so empty right now and the hard part is that noone’s here to hold me and tell me that everything’s going to be ok.

And I’m never going to be ok.

I was wrong to think that we could last forever because the reality is there might not even be one for me. Ever.

I love you to no end. But we shouldn’t be like this.

Must we always be so quiet and bottled up?

And am I always going to feel like this?

So close but yet again, so far away.

FUCK THIS.