I have this uncontrollable to be the best at everything. And it’s nights like this days behind on my period, PMS-ing like it’s no one’s business that make me realize that I’m not the best and for a fact, I never will be which ultimately makes me want more and get all anxious.

Sometimes it’s not even about being the best but rather about me not being where I want to be and not knowing what to do about it. I swear, I want too much sometimes. Not in the material realm though but in life.

I’m always feeling lost lately and frustrated and angry and I don’t know why.

I wish I would stop pushing people away and I wish I wasn’t such a bitch to actually cry it out.

Why can’t I cry….

i always get confused when saying that line with Friends and Glee. I miss friends 😦

the kids are out and so is mother dearest so im all alone at home being lazy but then again productive at the same time.

Today was my second day of training and this time I ran without paolo. Yesterdays run took about 2 hours from my house to Mcdonald’s but today only took less than an hour. Along the way I kept chanting “1 2 3 4 – breathe” and kept trying to pace myself but I was off and ended up running faster than I usually do (with or without training) and messed up my stomach. You know when you feel like you’re appendix just burst? That’s what I meant.

Along the way I saw: a dead cat (it wasn’t roadkill boo) and a small kid smoking

I almost smelled: wet fish and wet pee

But it’s those things which are the sole purpose of why I run amongst traffic and not in a gym where I don’t get to exercise my eyes.

Once I start my bike training I guess I’ll have to go back though… *sigh* I’m scared they’ll kick me out like LAST time. 😦

Anyways, off to being lazy again. yey me!

Then at least i spend the best days of my life loving you

Then at least i never failed to tell you that i did,

I love you so much! 🙂

Why do they call it the moon walk?

I don’t believe in things like karma [anymore] or that you can just suddenly stop loving someone.

I don’t think that you can be in-love with a person all the time but love, yes, I do believe that you can love someone for the rest of your life. And that’s how I feel about you.

And I miss you more than I miss pizza and hamburgers and even more than I could ever miss ice cream and it’s killing me. I feel so empty right now and the hard part is that noone’s here to hold me and tell me that everything’s going to be ok.

And I’m never going to be ok.

I was wrong to think that we could last forever because the reality is there might not even be one for me. Ever.

I love you to no end. But we shouldn’t be like this.

Must we always be so quiet and bottled up?

And am I always going to feel like this?

So close but yet again, so far away.

FUCK THIS.

A. Age: 20

B. Bed size: Single

C. Chore you hate: Sweeping and dish washing 

D. Dogs: 1. Named Pepper. He’s a doll. No, he’s actually a Princess Shih Tzu 😀

This is the evil culprit responsible.

E. Essential start to your day: Checking my fashion blog. http://www.LBSfashion.tumblr.com *plug plug*

F. Favorite color: Black/ neon colors [total contrast, I know]

G. Gold or silver: GOLD

FUCK YEAH

H. Height: 5’11

I. Instruments: Guitar, drums, piano 🙂

J. Job title: Self employed lol

K. Kids: Never

L. Live: or not to live? is that the question?

M. Mom’s name: Cathy

N. Nicknames: Issa, Toots, Chua

O. Overnight hospital stays: Countless.

P. Pet peeve(s): YOU

Q. Quote from a movie: “ambot”

R. Right or left handed: LEFT!

S. Siblings: Casey, Miguel, Kiona, Paolo, Neilsen

T. Time you wake up: 9 am

U. Underwear: None

V. Vegetables you dislike: Stringed beans. 

W. What makes you run late: My mom. 

X. X-rays you’ve had: My mouth, chest

Y. Yummy food you make: PASTAA

Z. Zoo- favorite animal: PENGUINS!!!!

I’ve learned how to wear a crop top…

I’ve joined a make up contest…

And I’ve whipped my hair back and forth…

And I’ve never been this happy in my whole life before.

what’ve you been doing lately?

I hope you’re all as happy as I am now. :]

xx,

Issa Perez

I’m actually happy. Maybe I just needed to fix myself before I expected everyone to fix tthemselves to make me happy. Yes, I’m selfish like that I guess.

:>

So much stuff has been going on in my life since I’ve lasted posted.

The Run for Youth is over and was without a doubt a success, Papa is now located in the states and I have never been so unsure about my relationship in my whole life.

I am achieving things that I could only dream of achieving before and actually getting to this place means so much to me to even fathom to let go of.

Do you ever feel that in order to reach something bigger, you need to let go of more important things even if the things you need to let go of are the things that motivated you to start in the first place?