I think it’s ok to forget sometimes.

Because at the end of the day, I’m always going to remember what my values are.

I think it’s ok to let go of yourself sometimes.

Because I’ll always know where to find myself.

I think it’s ok to be mad sometimes.

Because it makes the good things feel better.

I think it’s ok to be crazy sometimes.

Because I could never stand norms anyways.

I think it’s ok to think that you’re in love sometimes.

Because if it is love, I know one day when I’m all loved out, I wouldn’t mind falling in love with you over and over and over again.

How do you know for certain anyways?

I Have to stop jinxing my own happiness.

Every smile, laugh and giggle shouldn’t be so shortlived.

I need to start learning how to function in a relationship. or in life, all together.

I also need to stop walking around the house in my underwear. BUT IT’S SOO HOT!

Feelings are funny things.

I love you, you said you loved me and now you don’t want to be with me.

Louie Pestano,

I remember when I was little and extremely annoying, you were always nice to me and teaching me how to do things. I was at your graduation and birthday parties and you were always telling me to be good or helping me with whatever I needed help with whether if it was setting up the dance pad or trying to get sips of beer. Even when we grew older and went our separate ways we still remained friends and the casual hellos and holiday greetings were always present. 

Our family always looked forward to seeing your family again and it’s just sad to know that this is how we will be seeing each other after a few years.

You were a very good person and everybody says that. You were genuine, an ideal son and a loyal friend.

May you rest in peace always.

It’s cold and I am lonely. And sometimes I forget that you love me.

Isn’t this something we both wanted?

Don’t talk to me about the future. That’s just as bad as pushing me away.

Don’t talk use permanent words like forever. Because forever is a scary place.

Just let me live in this moment and not have to worry about tomorrow. I am so tired of living a life that has been laid down and planned out for me.

But please hold me because I miss you and I’m having trouble merely making it through the night.

I don’t like letting people into my life, I guess that’s why I tend to gravitate towards people or things that are familiar to me.But unlike what was comfortable and what was common to me, our friendship was complicated and short lived.

I admit, I hated you at first. You were cocky and outspoken. You were my Phil and I was Lil. We were so common that it threatened me. But we became friends and in a short span of time, my best friend and eventually my brother.

Now we don’t talk and you just pass by me like I never told you my most deepest thoughts and fears. You act like you forgot that you were one of the very few people I could actually run to when I was so scared that everyone would judge me because I knew that everyone would. I know you have become one of those people because I feel the weight of the looks that you give me.

It hurts, you know? Because I never wanted to lose you. I’m not ever going to have those random nights were we just sit and talk about everything and nothing and plan our lives because you know that the future scares me.

If I’m just going to keep losing friends then I’d rather not make any because it hurts when they leave.

I’m so stupid for forgetting that.

So thanks again for reminding me that people always leave. Especially the ones who promised they wouldn’t.

Issa

I am slowly learning that you can have a million friends but can only count your real friends on one hand. Sometimes it feels like on just one finger.

As I contemplate everything that is going on right now, I try to reminisce on our friendship and I’m beginning to wonder why we ever became friends in the first place. We started out as enemies a very long time ago- I hated you and you hated me. I think about this now and not much has changed in those years of being “friends” after all..

I’m not going to finish this. You are not even worth my anger right now.

God will give me strength. He always does.

Sometimes people can want the same things and not have to be together.