Everyday I am always trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. And if I’m ever going to be enough. And if I’m ever going to be truly happy. I’m out of options and pick me ups. I hate this emotional fist fight.

You know how they always tell how to “Not Judge A Book By It’s Cover?”

Yeah, I think I’m going to start doing that.

I keep forgetting that people have it worse in life than I do.

I realized, that if people are going to hate me, then I must have been doing something right.

Because in my perspective, I have made them realize that I have done something they can’t- I have something that they don’t have and things like that don’t go unnoticed. To be remembered, to be pin-pointed over the most minute things just goes to show that you can earn a degree, but class is something you are born with.

So when I show up tomorrow, please know that I know who you are (or at least have an IDEA of who you are: childish, cheap and immature) but I’m not going to ruin you the ways you THINK you have ruined me.

I have other ways of doing things.

You claim that when you were at your lowest, He gave you your strength.

When you couldn’t face the day, He provided you with a shield.

You preach so fondly of how He gave you the courage you never knew you had and yet,

Is this the same man that has turned you into the monster you have become?

Think about that before you force me to go to church and sing your empty songs.

Let me introduce you all to my current addiction (after Annoying Orange and Pretty Pet Salon Seasons and soon Silent Hill), Order Up!

Order up is a cooking simulation- styled mini game that comes with different challenges aside from the typical taking of orders, cooking, serving and etc (much like Diner Dash that I have looong broken up with). This games allows you to manage your supplies, hire assistants, clean up your restaurant and others. Plus, the mini challenges such as getting a surprise from the health inspector and having to clean dishes which I have learned that I have no talent in, real life or virtually. *sigh*

I’m not technically a gamer girl but I do enjoy an occasional game of Left 4 Dead and Counter Strike but I draw the line with DOTA (deal breaker right there!) and iPhone games are my Kryponite.

But I’ve got to admit that I’ve grown a special fondness for Order Up above all my hoarded apps. Believe it or not and as crazy as it seems, it took a cooking game to help me realize how to take care of my relationship.

I’ve been huddled in my cube for the past 3 days, refusing to get up or to mingle with anybody. Been rushing to take smoke breaks on my own to calm my what-could-be anxiety attacks in an attempt to figure out what it takes to sustain a relationship. And by some miracle of God, all it took was a bunch of guys from SuperVillain Studios to make me realize it.

So here are a few of my shameless epiphanies:

 It takes the right amount of time. If I don’t cook it right, it won’t be perfect. If I serve it too soon it means I wasn’t patient enough to let things turn out the way they were supposed to. But if I cook it too long, there just might not be anything to look forward to anymore.

Stop, look and LISTEN. I have to admit, I have a bad habit of not reading instructions. Believe me, many tests have been failed in my name because of my inability to read the fine print. It’s a bad habit I have yet to learn from because gamewise, it cost me thousands of dollars, level ups and bonuses and relationshipwise, it has been the cause of many many arguments.

Oh the troubles of being a talker and not a very good listener.

Some people want specific things. I’ve met a lot of people who think that every relationship is the same as the other. They assume that once you’ve got the basics down (trust, honesty, blah blah) then you’re set. But I’ve come to realize that people want specific things. My boyfriend wants me to dress like “I’m in a relationship” (whatever the f* that means. *scrolls eyes. flips over table.* I HATE THIS RULE!) As for me? Well, I want a lot of things like maintaining my identity over anything else and to go to the zoo.

You can’t do 2 or 3 or 5 things at the same time and expect to have a good time. Common sense, boys!

 It takes a lot of care and nurturing.

 Sometimes, as much as it kills you, it is OK to ask for help.

Strategy is EVERYTHING. Lesson learned: No one has ever gotten anywhere good from jumping the gun. Note to self: Learn how to “think before speaking”

And some adivce to myself:

 Know when to stop. In gaming and in life in general. Oh, I’ve got the worse mouth by far.

And here’s a little bonus:

Guarantee satisfaction.

Now if only I can turn these thoughts into actions then I wouldn’t finding myself constantly apologizing.

Because I hate admiting that I am wrong. (But it must be done)

Issa P.

Let me introduce you all to my current addiction (after Annoying Orange and Pretty Pet Salon Seasons and soon Silent Hill), Order Up!

Order up is a cooking simulation- styled mini game that comes with different challenges aside from the typical taking of orders, cooking, serving and etc (much like Diner Dash that I have looong broken up with). This games allows you to manage your supplies, hire assistants, clean up your restaurant and others. Plus, the mini challenges such as getting a surprise from the health inspector and having to clean dishes which I have learned that I have no talent in, real life or virtually. *sigh*

I’m not technically a gamer girl but I do enjoy an occasional game of Left 4 Dead and Counter Strike but I draw the line with DOTA (deal breaker right there!) and iPhone games are my Kryponite.

But I’ve got to admit that I’ve grown a special fondness for Order Up above all my hoarded apps. Believe it or not and as crazy as it seems, it took a cooking game to help me realize how to take care of my relationship.

I’ve been huddled in my cube for the past 3 days, refusing to get up or to mingle with anybody. Been rushing to take smoke breaks on my own to calm my what-could-be anxiety attacks in an attempt to figure out what it takes to sustain a relationship. And by some miracle of God, all it took was a bunch of guys from SuperVillain Studios to make me realize it.

So here are a few of my shameless epiphanies:

 It takes the right amount of time. If I don’t cook it right, it won’t be perfect. If I serve it too soon it means I wasn’t patient enough to let things turn out the way they were supposed to. But if I cook it too long, there just might not be anything to look forward to anymore.

Stop, look and LISTEN. I have to admit, I have a bad habit of not reading instructions. Believe me, many tests have been failed in my name because of my inability to read the fine print. It’s a bad habit I have yet to learn from because gamewise, it cost me thousands of dollars, level ups and bonuses and relationshipwise, it has been the cause of many many arguments.

Oh the troubles of being a talker and not a very good listener.

Some people want specific things. I’ve met a lot of people who think that every relationship is the same as the other. They assume that once you’ve got the basics down (trust, honesty, blah blah) then you’re set. But I’ve come to realize that people want specific things. My boyfriend wants me to dress like “I’m in a relationship” (whatever the f* that means. *scrolls eyes. flips over table.* I HATE THIS RULE!) As for me? Well, I want a lot of things like maintaining my identity over anything else and to go to the zoo.

You can’t do 2 or 3 or 5 things at the same time and expect to have a good time. Common sense, boys!

 It takes a lot of care and nurturing.

 Sometimes, as much as it kills you, it is OK to ask for help.

Strategy is EVERYTHING. Lesson learned: No one has ever gotten anywhere good from jumping the gun. Note to self: Learn how to “think before speaking”

And some adivce to myself:

 Know when to stop. In gaming and in life in general. Oh, I’ve got the worse mouth by far.

And here’s a little bonus:

Guarantee satisfaction.

Now if only I can turn these thoughts into actions then I wouldn’t finding myself constantly apologizing.

Because I hate admiting that I am wrong. (But it must be done)

Issa P.

In a weeks time [lies, a day, to be more precise] I have managed to delete all my fashion accounts, announce my interwebial demise [including thought of deleting my fb account] and have the biggest baddest and whackest emotional breakdowns of all time.

It’s been 2 days since and I’ve been stuck in bed due to gastritis or dyspepsia, I don’t know, but whatever it is, it hurts like hell.

I guess this all started 2-3 weeks ago when I noticed how hard it is to get out of bed or how much I couldn’t stand to go home. Or maybe when I felt like I lost everything. This could possibly have been triggered after the board exams came out and the pressure to take my board exams started to take its form. Maybe it started 2 Saturdays ago when I decided to go out without Paolo and realized that I haven’t been the best girl friend I should’ve been and that trailing thought of, “will I ever be?” Or maybe it started when I began to realize that I wasn’t where I wanted to be in my life- An employee, in my cube, amongst a sea of mere employees. And because I don’t like appearing weak, because I promised myself I would not complain, because I told myself that this was only temporary- I allowed all these frustrations to chew me up until that Sunday when I broke down.

But the truth, the truth that I so unwillingly want to face is that these choices, the place that I’m in right now has been no one else’s decision but mine. And I guess it kills me inside to admit that my dreams are so much bigger than this and yet, I allowed myself to settle for less.

So in lieu of this, I have decided to set my priorities straight. So that in 2 years from now, I will be all the things I said I would be. And these things are:

– To launch my fashion career [stylist, writer, designer- whatever’s out there for me]

– To start hosting [if I ever get the chance to]

– To start writing more sensible articles [no more random ramblings]

– To fix myself and bury the skeletons in my closet pretty well.

I don’t want to wake up 3 years from now and be as miserable and pathetic as I am now. I want that sense of accomplishment and I want it now. I don’t want to think that 4 years of putting my dreams on hold has taken it’s toll on me. 

Hello much under appreciated blog of mine, it’s been a long 2 months and many missed entries since- you have been missed.

I’ve been trying to read through you since my first entry on December 29 (or something), 2005 and doing that made me cringe, laugh but mostly face palm myself because oh my god, I am a horrible person. And I’ve noticed that I love to talk about love a lot which I find quite odd because… well, I never took myself for someone who liked to talk about love a lot. *new discoveries. wow*

As of the moment my life has been going through some major reconstructive surgery and I constantly find myself lost, tired and broken. But I look forward to the day that I conquer all these challenges so ’til then, I am looking up. It gets especially hard when you have no one to confide all these things with and your only means of sanity (which is you) has been taken away. I must invest on a pocket wifi. -.-

So here is my life in a nutshell.

April – graduated

May – June – worked for our company

June – quit my job and applied for Accenture where I am currently employed in.

moved out of the house

July – Present times – I am basically on my own now. Taxes, bills, rent, food and everything. I don’t like going home early because my room is extremely small and I have nothing there to distract me. I hate Sundays because I got into a fight with my family and I usually see them on Sundays but not anymore and I miss them terribly. I am currently pressured to take my board exams which I really don’t want to. I know this is stupid but that’s just how I feel but I am trying very hardly to feel differently.

My job is fine. It’s not as challenging as I wished it would be but they say that that changes in the next few months so I’m not going to complain.

I had to leave the house early today instead of just wanting to be lazy the whole day because my granny was going to visit my lola and we haven’t talked in 3 years and I just didn’t want to put myself in that situation.

I wish I could update you more but I feel an attack coming and I’m getting dizy and nauseated at the same time so I’ll… update you some other time.

with love,

Issa

I’m in love with you and I’m in love with us and I’m in love with the thought of tomorrow because it’ll be another day we get to spend together.

There are things going on that I cannot stop and things going on that even if I could, I would still choose not to. It just doesn’t matter where we are… you are mine and I am yours and nothing, not even distance can change that.

It’s going to be rough and I am going to cry.. a lot. Just a heads up but I’m sure you already knew. But in the end, this will all be worth it, I know it.

Choosing you has always been worth it.

11:11

1. To be with the person I’m supposed to be with.

2. To be the person that person is supposed to be with as well

3. To always have the ability to make that person happy and VV

4. To find a job

5. To move out

6. To have more fashion blog entries

7. To have enough money for school (specifically at FIDA, at least for 3 months)

8. When all these things have been accomplished, to feel genuinely happy.