In a few months or maybe years from now, you will be able look at me with those big beautiful eyes that I love so much and tell me that you love me.

You will hug me in your arms that I have made my home for these wonderful years and you will thank God that you have me.

In a few years from now, we’ll be sitting down watching tv or playing a video game which will end in some sort of tickle war and we will end up staring into each others eyes and you will kiss me. Just like in the movies.

One day you will love me because I know it is hard to do now. One day we will be able to love each other and thank God that we were in this mess because it made us strong. But I know that that day is not now.

I need to tell myself to be positive because if I don’t, I might not make it til the morning and I really want to wake up to an us.

I am trying soo hard.

I don’t think I’ve ever woken up feeling like this

What is love? Isn’t it just a bunch of bodily responses mostly from the brain?

If so, how strong does my brain have to be in order to avoid such strong feelings of love?

If I “feel”  like I love someone too much, does that make me a strong person or a weak person?

Why do people cheat? Are their brains stronger or weaker when they do?

Why are my questions so stupid?

Annd… hunger.

At nights the air is colder,

the music is better,

the noise is more bearable

And my thought are terrible.

But at least I get work done.

I miss my boyfriend so much.

I thought about you today. Not just today, in fact, I think about you a lot.

I think about how our friendship was and what it was like to be able to call you at anytime and just talk about the most random things. But I mostly miss talking about the serious things.

A lot of times I miss our friendship because let’s acknowledge for at least once-  we had a pretty good run. And I’ll be honest, losing you was one of the toughest friendships I had to let go of but I know it was meant to be. But at the same time, losing you also taught me that if I could let go of someone like you who stuck by me for so many years, I could let go of the petty friendships I felt obligated to keep. And now, the only friends I keep are the ones who I know will last. They are few but they are my world.

Truthfully, the thought of you irritates me but it’s no longer because of what you did- it’s now because I miss you. I hate not knowing what’s going on in your life, I hate you not knowing what’s going on in mine. I hate that we live so close by and yet we never run into each other. I hate that we are strangers. Strangers once again.

Please don’t take this as a piece offering because we are better off on our own sides of the world and I owe you nothing. But if this open letter makes it way to you, I would want you to know that you are in my thoughts and you are missed. My memories may be clouded by the good and the bad but on most days, I still think about calling you.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this but I’ve thought about it for a while and maybe I should just get it over with. Maybe when this is done, I can completely let go of the thought of you.

So I wish you happiness and content. I wish you success and peace. I wish you friendships that do not falter like ours did. And lastly, I wish you love. Because no matter happens, you deserve it.

J.L.G

It’s 2 in the morning, my eyes are swollen and my face is super itchy.

What the hell did I have at that buffet???

I am jealous of the things that I cannot change.

Old messages, birthday greetings, inside jokes, best days ever

Because I know that your love is pure- it always has been and it always be

And how am I any different from the ones that you have loved before me?

You have always been so careful, so secure

While I have always ran with my gut- my stupid, ignorant gut

And I was and always be lucky to have found you

But you, you never stumbled into me.

Or did you?

You chose me, you did it so carefully

And I don’t think that I am any different from your dead flames, forgotten crushes and old loves

Because I will never have the same impact on your life as you do to me.

I could go away and your life would have never changed.

And yet the moment you leave, my life would have never been the same.

To all the boys I dedicated this song to and to the many hearts I used to have. harhar.

Now I really only have 1 heart and yey for not being 18 and naive anymore.

I’m over my 1 night egg induced quarter life crisis.

We can now resume to semi normal functioning, thankyouverymuch!

I just woke up from the gnarliest dream and of course, I’m going to write it down here.

I was to be wed and instead of a ring, I got a watch and a pug. I suddenly found myself pregnant and yet I was involving myself in “blind” art shows and fancy events that required me jumping over things in heels. Next thing I know, I was secretly buying a bride DIY notebook because pregnant me wanted to DIY it and I was scared to tell people I was getting hitched.

In between all of this chaos, I also recall a colorful parrot and bits and pieces of Tarzan and the jungle in my dream. Maybe I became Jane? Maybe we were friends? Maybe I was to be wed to a monkey? I can’t remember anymore….

Why am I such a weird person?

I love this line. I use it to bid people I dislike goodbye!