I just woke up from the gnarliest dream and of course, I’m going to write it down here.

I was to be wed and instead of a ring, I got a watch and a pug. I suddenly found myself pregnant and yet I was involving myself in “blind” art shows and fancy events that required me jumping over things in heels. Next thing I know, I was secretly buying a bride DIY notebook because pregnant me wanted to DIY it and I was scared to tell people I was getting hitched.

In between all of this chaos, I also recall a colorful parrot and bits and pieces of Tarzan and the jungle in my dream. Maybe I became Jane? Maybe we were friends? Maybe I was to be wed to a monkey? I can’t remember anymore….

Why am I such a weird person?

I love this line. I use it to bid people I dislike goodbye!

I am knee high in backlogs but I have to work which will delay my regular postings EVEN MORE.

I have N number of half edited videos that just need my narration which will take me the next 3-4 days to finish on account that I have lost my voice. again. WHY KARAOKE?? WHY???

I cannot lose the last 2-4 lbs.

I have named my new laptop Paula because 1. she’s pretty like Paolo but 2. she’s not a boy (like Paolo)

I need a shoe rack and a table, for real. I’ve been saying this for like a year.

I’ve been getting more messages online telling me how they appreciate my blog/ vlog and how I am an inspiration to them. Makes me so happy. Also, it makes me so scared. I am just a girl, sitting in front of a computer screen and I also like to cuss a lot. 

And I am blogging instead of working. BYE NOW!

You want to know happiness and yet you cannot stand the thought to bear pain.
So how do you expect to know when you are really happy when you do not even know what real pain is like?

The problem isn’t being told that everything is going to be ok,
It’s not knowing how to make everything ok.

I find solitude in hurting myself and the people around me.
Are you going to tell me that that’s ok?

Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that that’s OK?

This is the part I struggle with the most, holding it together and trying not to overthink every little thing and just wanting and waiting to be ok again. And then I find myself here again. One way or another. Every single time.

Tell me how to be OK again because it’s so lonely being here.

Last night I dreamt that I was having the time of my life doing things I had always wanted to do.
I was laughing, my hands were in the air and I was grasping for breath.
But you weren’t even there.

Not that you even wanted to.

So I think, this is where it ends.

If we loved people the way we love our things, then maybe we would learn how to take better care of them.

Because if we did, maybe we wouldn’t have to keep wondering why it never worked out, why we’re so broken or why it didn’t last.

And maybe, just maybe, we could start believing in a forever.

I want a new camera or a new lens. I also want a GoPro.

Also, I am pretty sure that this is going to bother me for another 4-5 months until I finally make a decision and buy something.

I also still need a laptop.

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SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!