Look at what we’ve turned into

Both broken pieces lying on the floor

I don’t know you

As much as you do not know me

And it is such a sad place to be

They are such sad things to feel

But the saddest thing is that we cannot heal each other

Not anymore

I am so sorry for what I have done to us

But I know that I cannot lie

Because I was such a liar

I lied to myself and in the process I lied to you

But I lied because I loved you

I love you

But I cannot love you the same way

Look at what I’ve done to us

I’ve turned all our little dreams and turned them into nightmares

Ghosts that will haunt us at night

And will eventually lead us numb

Because I am so flawed, so ugly, so scared

Never good enough for you or for anyone else

Please look at us now and know that we won’t be like this for long

We will OK, not together, but at least OK

You will love again, maybe not with me, but you will love

And your nightmares will be dream comes true

fairy tales, perfect romance novels, wedding tales,

And we will be friends

who shared the best times of our lives together

At one point

But not anymore

I am falling in love with things I never knew I could love before

warm vanilla lotion

the scent of lavender

candles by the shower

being alone

climbing mountains

swimming seas

walking roads

living a hundred thousand lives

being honest with myself

speaking my mind

actually listening to my gut

never being attached to anyone

every single possibility in the book

And most of all… life

I am so thirsty (metaphorically)

I was in a room

And it was big and dark and empty

it was a lot like me

and there was nowhere to go

because I didn’t even know where I wanted to be

and that is what broke me

I cannot be a little girl anymore.

John Mayer has taken all the thoughts in my little brain and all the words that are on the tip of my ignorant tongue and he has used them to make me feel like the biggest shit pile on the planet.

How can someone be this lonely and sad and scared and unsure and afraid and stupid at the same time?

Meron talagang pinag dadaanan.

I could write a book about us

and fill it up with beautiful stories of us that will never come true

Of adventures and dreams and words, lots of beautiful words

that I will never have the chance to tell you

I could write a million stories of us

in a million different worlds, in a million different times

in a million different languages…

but you are not mine. as much as I am not yours

So maybe I will write that story

So I can have something to remember you by

Maybe I will write epic novels and fictional stories about us

And maybe in my head they can be something real

… i’m sorry

So far away
Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore
It will be so fine to see your face at my door
And it doesn’t help to know that your just time away
Long ago I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
Oh how I wish I could
but you’re so far away

I want you to know that you are enough.

You are enough for me and for the entire world.

The things that you have planned in your pretty little head, they are more than enough.

The dreams you’ve finally had of me, no matter how late… they are enough.

I want you to know that we have more than enough.

We have more than enough to make it through the day, to make it through this life.

We might not have all the riches or the knowledge in the world but the little that we do, it will always be enough.

We will always find a way to make it enough.

And with everything that has and is to happen,

When you are feeling that the world has had enough of your existence,

When you are feeling like you have had enough,

Always remember, my darling,  that will never have enough of you.

We are currently tired, confused and not to mention physically capable of devouring anything placed in front of you.

If it’s any consideration, at least your appetite is back and you are in bed with beautiful white sheets, fast internet and little baby cousins who love you and who you love back.

Tomorrow will be a long day so maybe we should get some shut eye

Also, it’s time we dreamed of something good again.

I am starting a new adventure today!  I am over the moon, pee in my pants, Im-gonna-burn-some-cash-on-interiors-weeeeh! Happy.

But mostly, I’ll get my clothes back. And my life back. And I’ll be in a “missing” distance from mudrabells keme keme. 

What an exciting day!

There are no words left in my tiny little brain.