things sigrid said:
* no mobiles during jesus time – ok, i don’t have to follow ALL the rules, do i?
* a lot of crying – argh, matey. i bet i’ll crack first. what an absolute shame
* shower time basically turns into a rat race. you have shower on and shower off times. you have to wake up hellah early to shower first and i bet it’s not even hot water. DAMN IT!
* you have to wash your own plate and utensils after eating. and it’s packed food – holy mother.
* it’s hot
* but it’s fun daw. DAW. isang malaking DAW.

i’ve always had a thing against pastors wives but i was texting judy earlier and she was very nice to me. maybe it’s cuz she see’s i’m taking an effort in joining this church thingy. and i guess it’ll be ayt cuz lagz’ll be there. [but i told him i’m going there single. no pretend boyfriends this week. he is just not my type] but then there’s pastor bo’s wife. god, i hope she suffocates or something. and i say this with a light heart. i’m not really mad or annoyed at her, i just think it would be really cool to see her choke and maybe die even. haha. i’m evil.

i’m done packing now. *finally* it took the whole afternoon to pack and i’ve brought 3/4 of my cabinet with me. 5 days is a long time, you seriously can’t blame me. and yeah, i’m bringing two bags. and 2 pillows. one for me and one for lagz.

i know what i’ll be praying for there and you guys already know it.

i’m soo predictable.

my last meal for the week was absoltuley heavenly. i had yellow cab. it was like my dying wish, to eat there before i have to eat hahaha church camp food. i don’t mean to sound like a bitch but yeah, i’m not exactly familiar with what to call it. who knows, maybe when i get back, i’ll be a changed person. who knows. maybe… hahaha. maybe not.

i’m just really full of mixed emotions right now. like, i don’t know why i’m going so i’m not going to expect anything either. i just know that i’m going to be away for 5 days and i might as well expect the worse. i just hope the people there are bearable and that i meet good friends. no gaby’s , please.

everyone is leaving this week though. it’s like, let’s run away from cebu week or something. niña might go to hong kong this week but just for a few days and my better half is going to manila and tacloban and bagiou and EVERYWHERE for a whole month and i didn’t even get to say good bye to them. life is very random, indeed.

and i can prove this, really. i mean, i woke up this morning tearring up real bad cuz no one in my family even bothered to wake me up to go to church. yeah, i was really hurt. i mean, i woke up and saw my family racing to the car to go pray to god and they didn’t even bother to wake me up. it was really bad. i mean, i actually felt that they didn’t want me around cuz i don’t know.. i’m not an actual Perez. oh sigh. i’m over it.

out of total rage i raided their closets and ate like hell. i turned the computer, tv, aircon and fan on all at once and watched sixth sense and didn’t even bother greeting them when they got home. PAY BACK, BITCHES! [yeah, i’ve realized i’m not exactly the best step/ daughter in the whole world but that’s just how i am. i demand for my own place]

and then when i DO start talking to momy she brings up the church camp. she says i should go cuz i’ve been turning them down for years and cuz i don’t exactly go to church and that i need guidance [which btw, is THEIR job] and that i should go. and by should that meant, it’s either i jus shut up and go or i’m going to make you feel like shit if you don’t. and idk, my mom’s voice just started to get REALLY annoying so after asking everyone on my ym list and sun distribution list if could go, i decided that i WOULD go. aircon or no aircon. despite i’d miss tennis for a whole week. and even if that means i’d be missing the mall.

hey, it could do me some good. i’m taking a risk. if i can’t take a risk at “love” then i’ll take it for more imp. things. my fate.

awh. bet you think i was gonna get all senti, din’t you? hell no.

i’m gonna miss blogging and i’m gonna die if there’s no signal.

atay oie. 5 days feels like FOREVER.

i have to finish princess diaries II now. i’ll see you in a week.

and i also think i’ve failed every girl code in the world. i feel like a 13 year old. ignorant. very ignorant. why now, G? why NOW!?

i must remember that every time i run into someone i like, i should NEVER EVER stop in my tracks and turn away running or in my case, speed walking. especially if that person was starring at me with my jaw hanging on the floor. and then stalk him endlessly and waste P120.00 just to be in the same dark room with him and not even have him know it. i am such a loser with a 13 year olds problem. i feel soo bad. it’s like, i forgot what i was supposed to do. cuz honestly, when i saw him, i didn’t want to pretend that i didn’t see him, i didn’t want to walk by with my head up laughing pretending not to see him but making sure that HE saw me. i just froze for a second and ran away in the opposite direction. i didn’t want him to see me but i really wanted to be with him.

i can’t stop replaying it in my mind right now. i feel soo dumb. the dumbest.

and again, i was singled out.

did i feel bad? yes, very. but i don’t know. i’ll have to deal.

i predict bad karma for 7 years even if i didn’t break a mirror.

btw, i’m planning to consult feng shui, maybe everyhing in my room is not in it’s proper place maybe i’m putting impurites in the north; relationship part of my room. [yeah, i’m reading dates, mates and cosmic kisses]

I’M DYING

i need rest. i need a life. i need money. and NO, i don’t need a boyfriend. haha. somehow, i never fail to bring that up.

speaking of. i really wanna talk about this because i’m dying to spill my heart out. yes, i told you guys, it IS one of those days.

so yesterday i was at chab’s and chab ran off with ken and nina and seno were having alone time which i did not want to be caught in the middle of which made me feeling very “unfabulous” ish. i was yet again, in one of those paseo moments were it seemed like one of those things you hear your parents or councilors or people of tv talking about or those situations you’ve read about in books. i’ve hardly grown up. i have a lot of learning to do.

you know that peer pressure talk? well, i’m already finding ways to tell my daighter about it. if i ever have one, that is. and i’m going to make it as detailed as possible cuz i came to a realization yesterday that even though i no one likes me the way a guy likes nina or chab, i’m not going to go AWOL and throw myself on the first single guy out there. instead, i’m going to wait and focus on other things. i don’t wanna be in a desperate relationship… ever. i just want to be in love. simple as that no matter how long i have to wait and no matter how much it hurts. i NEVER wanna sell myself short and that’s just it. it’s either i’m in love or i’m focusiing on tennis. cuz that’s obviously the only thing i can ever talk about these days. yes, i’m commited.

i’m still very uneasy right now. i’m gathering my thoughts and trying to fiure out what i really want and i’m also trying to figure out why the hell do i keep pushing people i care about away from me and also, i’m trying to find a way to solve world hunger and a cure for HIV. just because when i’m free, i plan to be very promiscuous and get HIV or an STD. haha. I’M SOOOO KIDDING.

so ,i’m done.i want kevin to read this like, NOW. for some reason, whenever i blog, i always consider kevin. could it be some secret love i have for him hidden deep within myself that he’ll never know of? hahaha. or maybe it’s cuz i know that he’s the ONLY person who reads this shit.

ok, so francis is at it again.

dear God,
    if you can hear me, now’s the perfect time to make my life easier. PLEASE make that boy disappear! I just don’t need to hear from him right now.

so, why now? is this like, a test or something? cuz you, among everyone else know what i want and he just isn’t it. and even if i don’t get what i want.. he still woudln’t be an option. haha. he is soo far from the reality that i want and the reality that i need.

and i’m gone.

yo, brothah