Yes, I’m alive. You guys probably thought I was dead, didn’t you? Well, there have been 2 major factors which have been keeping me from blogging.

One:

I’ve busy with school. It’s been crazy.

We had periodicals one week and then the week after that was intramurals week and in between that, we had non stop practices and idk, school’s just been really draining.

Note: Joanne, Sam and Mary Anne haven’t paid for their term paper yet.

Two:

            Our internet has been fucked up for waaaay too long.

            Just in case you guys thought that me and james have broken up based on that last blog, no, sorry, we’re still together. :] we’ve been together for 6 months since today, actually. Lol. It’s actually pretty cool.

            Anyways, intrams week. Yeah. That was pretty awesome. We won cheer dance, volleyball, swimming, badminton and basketball. The only thing we lost were our voices. Omg, that was a stupid thing to say. Har.

            Next blog.

have been stored in my pc for WAAAAAAAAAAY too long

i don’t really remember the last time i blogged. but my internet at home is busted so since i’ve been unable to go online, i’ve started an offline diary. i’m so lame but it passes time.

miss you!

i don’t really remember the last time i blogged. but my internet at home is busted so since i’ve been unable to go online, i’ve started an offline diary. i’m so lame but it passes time.

miss you!

i’m not going to forget the things you said because that honestly hurt the most

the most

the most

i’m not going to forget the things you said because that honestly hurt the most

the most

the most

god, i don’t get it anymore. i seriously don’t get it anymore.

stupid thoughts for the night?

why didn’t i smoke that cigarette?

why didn’t i drink from that bottle?

tonight was completely worthless. it’s 1 am, i just got home. i’ve had the worst night ever.
and i went through all that shit completely CLEAN?! fuck that!
no, i’ve got a lot of second hand smoke in my system. i still have a shot.

but enough of the sarcastic humor that only I can appreciate.

it just really hurts right now and acting like this is probably the only way i can make my feel better.
but i’m not working because i’m stil crying anyways.

october, i hate you!

god, i hate what we’ve become and it’s starting to make me think that maybe i’m not cut out for this.
there’s too much bitch in me to love another person. to be perfect for him, to make him want to be with me [if possible, forever],
maybe i’m just too bad at living to actually make something work. i basically suck at life. someone should’ve made a manual
and sent it to me. i need that.

that’s what i want for my birthday.

i’m soo ignorant.

he doesn’t deserve me.

he doesn’t deserve someone who’s a bitch

he doesn’t deserve a dumb girl

he doesn’t deserve someone who walks out on him

or someone who wants to be with him all the time.

he doesn’t deserve someone soo needy like me.

he doesn’t deserve someone who’s screwed up soo many times before and can never seem to make things right.

and i,

yes, i’m beating myself up

i simply do not deserve him.

maybe i’m too wrong to ever be right.

i need someone right now. again.

i don’t think i’m gonna be able ti nake it, not tonight. it just hurts like fucking hell.

As long as i keep myself busy and as long as everyone else keeps themselves busy, i won’t have to worry about anyone remembering that it’s my birthday. and so far, everyone, including myself is and i’m pretty sure they’ll stay busy until the28th and then my problem is over. lol.

have you ever been jealous? [duh]
no. have you ever been soo extremely jealous that you could actually barf?
i have. and it’s sad.

and i blame the music.
i blame the music for sure.
fcuk it.

honestly?
i wanna dance.
and
that’s
what’s
killing
me </3

all these pictures were taken on sunday when me and james were arguing. i don’t think i’ve ever camwhored in a while and this does not even push the boundaries of “vain” considering the lack of facial expressions, poses and hand gestures. [i only have one peace sign there and nothing else]

edit: two peace signs

and just so you know, i don’t have a folder full of pictures of my face nor do i have any of these pictures in my phone either. i erased them. i don’t enjoy making my face as my wallpaper like some people.
i was just bored and needed an output.

but i’d do it again. once my face looks – better.