scratched and bruised.

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just woke up after 15 hours of sleep- the most awesome sleep i’ve EVER had.

yeah, i just came back from the beach and i must say, it was AWESOME!!! šŸ™‚

me and james stayed up all night and watched the sun rise and talked about shit. and when it was time to sleep, i just ended up kissing him the whole time. it was something i’m never going to forget and something i’d definitely do again.

i’m bruised and scratched all over now though and i don’t even have THAT many pictures. i guess that’s the down side of NOT HAVING A CAMERA. haha. but gaaah whatever.

i wanna narrate everything that happened but i’m just too lazy to.

i just had so much fun…!!

 

i’m going to a stop light party tonight.

green if youre single
yellow/ orange if “it’s complicated” and
red if you’re aken.

i’m probably going in yellow. i d k about james..

we’ll find out.

the big V

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virginity

yeah, you heard me right. i’m talking about it. i don’t know why but i feel like i’m at a stage in my life where it’s just right to talk about it – i feel like it’s time. NOT TO LOOSE IT but to OPEN UP ABOUT IT.

i’m almost turning 18 and i’m one the eldest in my circle of friends and despite the age issue, i’m one of the few left among us who is still a virgin. and if i did decide to do it in the near future, i would still be one of the few who has done it with only one guy.

i don’t know why this is so suprising to me right now but what’s the big deal with sex anyways?

i can honestly say that i’ve gone as far as i need to go in my relationship [or should i say past :(] but i’ve always tried to “keep the confetti in my closet” and i have to be honest, it’s hard. waaaaaay hard. and i hate being in this situation where i shouldn’t do “it” but a big part of me wants to. i hate the fact that i could possibly be open to the idea of actually having sex now. it just shouldn’t be this way. my mind should be made up and it should be saying NO to this.

but then when you’re thrown out there, sometimes i feel like “what the hell..” and then everything just seems different.

i wanna stay clean for as long as i can but why does it feel like mission impossible to me?

everyone’s asking if there’s a right time and place to do it but everyone’s going against all the answers they know by heart and it sucks because my friends should know better.

i should know better to know that sex outside of marriage shouldn’t even be an option!

i guess it’s just a matter of choice now. if i do it, it should be something i can look back and not feel stupid about. it should be meaningful. it HAS to be love and nothing less.

are YOU a virgin?
and if not, how was your first time?

anything but ordinary

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i feel like such a hypocrite for saying things like i was ok and that i was doing fine without james in my past entries
because the truth is and i just realized it today- i love being around him so much. i just remembered how it felt to not care about anything and be random and it was fun. and i know it’s just a kiss but when he kissed me today i felt good and it made me miss him even more.

i know we act like nothing happened like we’re still together but there’s always this great feeling of security when you know you guys are on the same page with things. i wanna get back šŸ˜¦

i had so much fun today and this wednesday, we’re all going to bogo with friends for 2 days. i hope we patch things up- i’d hate having to celebrate my birthday without a proper boyfriend.

colon was fun. this party feels like it’s gonna be a lot of fun. oooh i’m excited.

getting there

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i no longer have classes anymore and today, i stayed in bed til 11 in the morning, i took a bath in the rain and then i took a real shower! [something totally unexpected!] then i went to have my cup cakes for my party made and then i had my nails done – now they’re really pretty! šŸ™‚

i had quesadillas for snacks and candy, too.

now i’m on the pc trying to make the layout and minus one song for casey.

i did this without seeing james today and i don’t miss him at all. even if we might be getting back together, i can definitely say that i can make it on my own without him after all.

miguel is awesome! šŸ˜‰

xoxo

I’M ALMOST 18!!!

one heartbreak at a time…

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See my days are cold without you
But I’m hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can’t take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I’m hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can’t take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don’t know why ya treatin me so bad
You said you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is beating for ya
I can’t stop crying
I don’t know how
I allow you to treat me this way and still i stay

See my days are cold without you
But I’m hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can’t take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I’m hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can’t take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don’t know why ya wanna do me wrong
See when I’m home, I’m all alone (alone)
And you are always gone
And boy, you know I really love you (love you)
I can’t deny
I can’t see how you bring me to so many tears after all these years

See my days are cold without you
But I’m hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can’t take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I’m hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can’t take no more
I keep on running back to you
Oohhhhh
I trusted you, I trusted you
So sad, so sad
what love will make you do
all the things that we accept
be the things that we regret
too all of my ladies (ladies) feel me
c’mon sing wit me
See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I’m weak cause I believe you
And I’m mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You can learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain’t never gonna change
(never gonna change, never gonna change)
See my days are cold without you
But I’m hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can’t take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But im hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can’t take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby why you hurt me leave me and desert me
Boy I gave you all my heart
And all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
This something always hold me back


every fucking word

“enjoy the last moments of this rel. cuz buwagan na baya tika…”

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and again, issa is sad because a certain boy has yet again succeeded at making her feel like shit. just like every other time. it’s amazing, actually, how in love i am with someone who has taken complete advantage of me. and i keep thinking it but i’m too scared to say it but i will just this once, it’s not even worth it anymore.

sorry james. but i don’t even know why i go through the trouble anymore.

“Our Battles”



Our battles are repetious

if not broken poetry

and maybe that’s the attraction

that you’re as self-absorbed as me



You jumped to the conclusion

and landed on my chest

Now how am I supposed to make you see.



I’ll just write this down

with hopes that you’ll understand

I can no longer be disciplined by

the frustration of an insecure man

And as I kiss your face you’ll know that

I can no longer apologize for

your former lover’s mistakes.



My past is mine to keep

Who are you to question me…?

Perhaps someday you’ll learn

Too bad

it’s not our turn

i am currently in love with this song because it’s everything i feel right now [or maybe even for a long time already].

i’m so frustrated with this relationship because it’s always my fault even when it’s not and i wanna cry about it but i’m not allowed to, i want james to know how i feel but i know he doesn’t care. i don’t even know why we are together because it’s not fun anymore. it always hurts. it always hurts.

i had lunch with arden today and kating caught up. it felt good to be around other people aside from james because i’m so suffocated by him. it felt good to know that my friends were living good lives and having fun and not going through the mess that i am.

i told grany that she and my aunt aren’t invited to my 18th. i haven’t gotten a reply since i sent the message at 8:30 this morning.

i got a perfect score on our finals for PE. And despite being constantly bitched at james for grouping with winster, i don’t regret sticking to my group cuz it was worth it.

i miss krystle a lot.

i don’t have anyone to talk to except for this computer and it’s sad.

i got a lot done today.

i’m better off alone anyways.

“enjoy the last moments of this rel. cuz buwagan na baya tika…”

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and again, issa is sad because a certain boy has yet again succeeded at making her feel like shit. just like every other time. it’s amazing, actually, how in love i am with someone who has taken complete advantage of me. and i keep thinking it but i’m too scared to say it but i will just this once, it’s not even worth it anymore.

sorry james. but i don’t even know why i go through the trouble anymore.

“Our Battles”



Our battles are repetious

if not broken poetry

and maybe that’s the attraction

that you’re as self-absorbed as me



You jumped to the conclusion

and landed on my chest

Now how am I supposed to make you see.



I’ll just write this down

with hopes that you’ll understand

I can no longer be disciplined by

the frustration of an insecure man

And as I kiss your face you’ll know that

I can no longer apologize for

your former lover’s mistakes.



My past is mine to keep

Who are you to question me…?

Perhaps someday you’ll learn

Too bad

it’s not our turn

i am currently in love with this song because it’s everything i feel right now [or maybe even for a long time already].

i’m so frustrated with this relationship because it’s always my fault even when it’s not and i wanna cry about it but i’m not allowed to, i want james to know how i feel but i know he doesn’t care. i don’t even know why we are together because it’s not fun anymore. it always hurts. it always hurts.

i had lunch with arden today and kating caught up. it felt good to be around other people aside from james because i’m so suffocated by him. it felt good to know that my friends were living good lives and having fun and not going through the mess that i am.

i told grany that she and my aunt aren’t invited to my 18th. i haven’t gotten a reply since i sent the message at 8:30 this morning.

i got a perfect score on our finals for PE. And despite being constantly bitched at james for grouping with winster, i don’t regret sticking to my group cuz it was worth it.

i miss krystle a lot.

i don’t have anyone to talk to except for this computer and it’s sad.

i got a lot done today.

i’m better off alone anyways.

somehow, someday

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everyday i feel like this is not exactly what i wanted. every time i feel like my best isn’t enough and you will never change even when i do. even why i have changed- you will still be the you that i despise.

despite the fact that i hate what you do to me and i hate that you treat me like shit, i just don’t know why i can’t get away from you. i don’t know why i can’t get you out of my system or why i just can’t get rid of you. you’re not even that great.

let’s let time discover one mystery at a time, shall we?

i gotta bounce. chiao