At duane and dwight’s place again. eating food and reading FHM. hahahaha. i just found out what a muff is and… this is what it looks like:
It isnt a crime to want
A little space to breathe
But you will be fine
The sun again will shine on you
Whatever you do
[Chorus]
Take your sweet, sweet time
I will be here when you
change your mind
Take your sweet, sweet time
I will be here for you baby
Anytime
Im feeling you pull away
’cause letting go isnt easy for me
But you’ll never fly
With someone elses wings, I know
Wherever you go
I will never stand in your way
Wherever your heart may lead you
I will love you the same
And I will be your comfort every day
Do you hear the words I say?
my sweet love – john mellencamp
Sweet love
Standing at my gate
Oh, my sweet love
It sure
Would feel good
To feel good again
Oh my sweet love
You say
That you need me
You’ll always
Believe me
Oh, my sweet love
That our love
Is forever
We’ll always
Be together
Oh, my sweet love
You say
You’ll always
Come through
There’s nothing
That you won’t do
Oh, my sweet love
But I’ve heard it
All before
I can’t beg you
Anymore
Oh, my sweet love
You’re the man
Who knows exactly
What he’s doing
You’re the boy
Who ate
The apple
Off the tree
When you’re good
You’re just crazy
When you’re bad
You’re too much
You say
You’d never hurt me
You’ll never
Desert me
Oh my sweet love
That your words
Are always true
I can depend on you
Oh, my sweet love
When you get
In the wind
And all the storms
Begin
Oh my sweet love
When you’re sad
And dismantled
And all
Your senses rattled
Oh my sweet love
Sweet love
Standing at my gate
Oh, my sweet love
It sure
Would feel good
To feel good again
Oh, my sweet love
so yeah, the past few days i haven’t really been thinking straight. i can’t even describe it. like i’ve been so lost. it’s probably post MS or whatever but i just so want it to go away soon.
i miss him a lot. i miss him every single day to the point where i still scribble our names on my hand and i don’t even bother washing it off the next day just cuz sometimes i wish that i would wake up in the past where i would wake him up and tell him i love him first thing in the morning. where the sound of his voice and knowing the fact that he loved me was just enough to make me go through the day. sometimes i wish i could go back to the time when i would beg him not to leave me because i was afraid i would turn into the huge mess i am right now.
sometimes i wonder if someone else could take his place. sometimes i know that someone could be a million times better than he ever has but i push him away. i don’t mean to but right now, i am just so scared. i don’t wanna be that sad little girl who would cry her eyes out, i don’t wanna be the one chasing after him anymore and i don’t wanna be treated like i didn’t deserve to be loved.
but what do you do after the only guy you’ve only loved breaks your heart into a million pieces? you don’t just pick them back up and say you’re “ok”. and if you could, i just can’t. cuz i don’t know how.
right now i’m so scared that if i let this thing go, i might not ever have it again because it is so beautiful in so many ways. but then i wonder most times if there’s still even some love left in me because i feel like i’ve been drained from all of it. maybe in a few years i can. but then right now, i just don’t see it coming.
i so want to see where this thing is going. i wanna know what’s in store for me. i want to move on with my life and maybe come to the terms that sometimes the things we live for the most just can’t last forever. i wanna know what it’s like to be on the receiving end. because from where i’ve been standing for the last 2 years, it never really was anything like that.
i hope he understands how hard things are for me right now. i hope he understands how hard it is to loose someone you would give the world for. i hope he’ll give me my time and space to realize what i want and what i need because i just don’t know right now. i don’t know anything. i’ve just been floating for the longest time trying to realize something.
i know i wanna be happy. but that is just so broad.
i’ve stopped praying for another chance with him. now i just pray about finding someone who deserves the love that i’m capable of giving. i pray that he’d bless me with someone i deserve. i pray that he just guides me. and of course, i thank him. he’s made my life better. in soo many ways. but yk, james is like a ghost i carry on my back.
i need to get over you. and all the things you’ve ever done to me. and all the things you never did. like say i was beautiful or drop everything you did just to have lunch with me. i need to get over the fact that you never fought for our love or that you never even talked to me about everything.
i need to get over the fact that you promised me something but never pushed through. and right now, i just really need to get over the fact that that “always and forever” you promised me is never going to happen afterall.
people are so good at teaching us how to take care of ourselve and shit. but they never really teach us how to take care of our hearts. they should. but then i’d probably fail.
i had a good day. i thought that i’d be really lonely today but then adrian took me out to lunch and we just hung out and i had soo much fun. i had so much fun getting to know him and stuff. he’s really adorable. ^^
then i had to go to school to do NSTP shit and then i met up with josh and he gave me a rose :’)
then right after that adrian took us home. it was really cute cuz he went back from wherever he was and he waited at his dorm place til we got out. it was nice of him to do something like that.
and now, diana is at my place getting ready to go wherever it is she’s going. i don’t know where though.. don’t wanna bother asking either. :p
i have to go get ready now. i’ll be out tonight. yey me. be jealous.
hey i’m at chab’s again waiting for lunch and it’s like 3 right now. lol.
me and a might meet up later or idk, i might go to the vudu traffic light party but then again, i don’t know. lmao.
i’ll update soon.
btw, it’s friday the 13th.
let’s just see if this video is as crappy as i think it is. lol
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.
You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down
š¦
ok, let’s do something random…
[all answers are according to the date ball]
1.) do you think james thinks about me as much as i think about him?
– NO WAY!
2.) do you think we’ll get back because he wants to and not me?
– how should i know?
3.) does he love me?
– I’m cool with that!
4.) is he the one?
– NO WAY!
5.) if i stay with him, am i gonna be happy?
– SURE!
6.) are you lying?
– NO WAY!
our internet is soo fucked up ever since we switched to globelines and my papa bought one of those things that let’s you have more than one connections.
just wanted to see if this video works. i doubt you can hear it though. i still don’t know how this thing works. it’s supposed to have a built in mic or something. ugggh.
these past few days have been crazy and hectic. i’ve managed to get my costume made though. and me and my friends are dancing single ladies for cielo’s 18th.
moving on…
tomorrow is friday the 13th. i’m in for a ride.
traffic light party tomorrow. don’t feel like going that much though i’d rather go on valentines.
aye ambot.
i have PMS PMS PMS PMS PMS PMS PMS PMS.
at arden’s. going to estongs.see you latah.
you think they meant it when they said na when one door closes another one opens?
i have the opportunity to be so much happier. and it’s right in front of me.
but yk, i’m not gonna keep my hopes up.
the night is young.
i have a webcam now. that means i’m definitely going to be spending more time on the computer now.
just got back from starbucks with the girls and donniko after we had this meeting at mcdonald’s with the people for cielo’s 18th.
before that we went to casino espanol with estong, vince, xab, bling and jonas
BEFORE that me, estong, vince and diana went to park mall where i spurlged on candy
and WAAAY BEFORE that i skipped anthro to hang out with ienne.
good times xx
— even if i miss you, my life is definitely way much better than it was when you were around.
valentines is coming up and me and the group are having dinner at Marco Polo. except estong cuz he has a blind date.
btw, we all made a pat [or however you spell it] not to go for people in the gang. not like i ever would but it was just nice to get it out in the open you know? HAHAHA
i’ll update soon. hugz!
Issa Talks... Alot 