Category Archives: Uncategorized

You Think You Know Me So Well

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You think that because I like to drink, I’m wild.
You assume that because I smoke on cigarettes, I’m some punk ass.
You tell me that the reason I’m so tough is because I don’t care.
You think that you know me so well.. but you dont’ know me. It’s impossible for you to know who I am when I can’t even figure that out myself.

— Most of the time I pretend to be so tough and bitchy because I’m tired of crying.
— I don’t like talking about my emotions because I have so many of them and talking about them make me feel weak.
— Sometimes I force myself to be honest with myself to make you happy and when everything comes pouring out, I look at myself in the mirror and think, “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
— On most days I know you think that I don’t care but there is not a single second when you are not in my mind. You may not always be on the top of my mind but you are always floating around there somewhere.
— My greatest fear is that I would give up so much for this relationship and end up with nothing. I don’t want you to be my entire world because a part of me is always scared that you are going to leave me.
— I feel like a little girl lost at the mall right now. I don’t know what to do and I feel like if we are drifting apart, I am the one to blame.

It just feels like you don’t give me enough credit. I am trying SO HARD to make you happy but i don’t think that it’s working. You are like a magnifying glass that only sees my flaws. Sure, I’m not perfect and neither are you but why does it feel like you’re God and i’m just this pathetic sinner?

i am manic depressive. And my words aren’t coming out right.

PARVO and my puppy

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I’m pretty sure that most dog owners are fully aware of what a PARVO virus is and for those not so aware, here is what i found on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canine_parvovirus it:

Canine parvovirus type 2 (CPV2, colloquioally parvo) is a contagious virus mainly affecting dogs. The disease is highly infectious and is spread from dog to dog by direct or indirect contact with their feces. It can be especially severe in puppies that are not protected by maternal antibodies or vaccination. It has two distinct presentations, a cardiac and intestinal form. The common signs of the intestinal form are severe vomiting and dysentery. The cardiac form causes respiratory or cardiovascular failure in young puppies. Treatment often involves veterinary hospitalization. Vaccines can prevent this infection, but mortality can reach 91% in untreated cases.

Well the reason why I’m writing about this is because I want to share this traumatic me and my family are currently experiencing due to tackless breeding…

For a few months, me and my siblings have been trying to convince our parents to get us a puppy because we are all at an age where we can all take care of a dog. It took us a few months and lots of whining, strikes and whatever you can think of to get the puppy. We all decided we wanted a small dog that could live with us inside the house and one that would not shed so much so we all decided to get a Shih Tzu since they are kind of easy to get here in the Philippines.

Luckily, my mom’s close friend’s Shih Tzu just had a litter and he was willing to sell us the puppy at a cheap price which included his papers. So we went to see the puppy last Sunday and instantly fell in love with him. We took him home that afternoon and named him Pepper.

when we got him, my moms friend told us that he needed to get his shot the next day so that’s what we did. But on the following day, we found out that he was 5 days late for his PARVO vaccine which was risky. And sure enough he got it.

So we had to leave him at the vet and my mom decided that she doesn’t want Pepper to come home anymore. She’s giving him back to her friend and this house is so lonely without him.

It has caused me and my siblings so much emotional damage because we loved Pepper so quickly and now he’s not home and it sucks. I blame the breeders of Pepper who just see breeding puppies as a business and don’t do their responsibilities.

I hope this helps you bloggers…

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Yesterday i had the worst PMS ever which involved me throwing all of my clothes out of my cabinet like a crazed bitch. I was so frustrated that my mother always has new clothes and all my friends wear all those dressy blouses and nice stuff while I, who’ll be 20 years old, still go to the mall/ parties in shirts, shorts and sneakers. I thought it was unfair that mom never spends for me and my siblings but she ALWAYS looks nice. And when she doesn’t… she’ll find a way to look nice.

So i took a lot of my clothes out of my cabinet and sold them. I made about 1700 pesos today but split the money with my sister so she could buy herself clothes, too. I know like 800++ isn’t that much so i decided to go to a thrift store since it’s always interesting to buy clothes from there.

After selling all my clothes i decided to get some R&R and watch some tv and guess what i happened to stumble upon? This bizarre show called “Dallas Divas and Daughters”‘

Seriously, i’m from Dallas but i NEVER knew it was that trashy there. I mean, COME ON! there’s this  bitch crying because her mom wouldn’t buy her a Range Rover. Geez! I commute to school everyday and i would be lucky if my parents even bought me a car.

Some people just don’t know how lucky they are. Even me.

Sometimes i just wanna stab people, you know?

i honestly truly love you..

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you complain that i’m not good with words because i don’t constantly tell you that i love you. it’s not that i don’t know how to play with words, it’s just that, i’m scared you’ve heard whatever i have to say to you before because i am just one out of your million.

but if you must know the truth, i don’t know what to say to you. I love you so much that my words would never be good enough to justify that. I love you so much that i fear that nothing i could ever do would ever add up to these feelings inside me. You are too perfect for me. I don’t deserve you. But i have you anyways and you make everything in my life so wonderfully perfect.

I know we’re not always ok and i’m fine with that because i am finally ok with the fact that i cannot always have everything. And i’m coming to terms with the fact that i don’t always have to be ok- i just have to be with you.

They say you only live once and now that i have you, i could really only ask for one life. Because what would my life be like without you in it.

I am crazy in love with you. and i mean it. ❤

an ode to name dropping

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so… i did the one thing i told myself i would never do, dig into my boyfriends’ past and make it my business. i don’t know what came over me at all or why i even bothered but i did and now i feel like i purposely drank sour milk. and it’s rotting in my mouth and i want to cry but in the end.. it’s still my fault for drinking the god damn milk anyways..

and now i feel like shit.

everyday

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i always say this because i always mean this.

i may not always be IN love with you
but i will ALWAYS love you

and i mean this with all my heart. i don’t know if this is offensive or not but this is how i feel most of the time.

i may not always oggle over us or be capable of being sweet all day everyday because i am not programmed that way but every single day, every second of my life, i will love you because you are the one of the very few things that seems worth it to me.

you don’t only give me the inspiration to value just you but you make me value everything else in my life more. i used to not came about anything but now i see importance in a lot of things i never paid attention to before.

i never wanna lose you. if i did, i know i’d never be as lucky as i am now.

for you to notice

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i do not base my relationships on the amount of money someone has or the car he drives or the people he knows. i do not choose who i give my heart to because it’s what people tell me to do or because or because it’s practical or because i can show him off. i do not love someone especially for what they have but i love someone because of who they are what they have although it may not always be much and because there is something in that person that makes me feel like i want to be that person to put a smile on their face every single day.

that is why i don’t appreciate it when people talk about love like it’s a trust fund. so what if he’s not as rich as your ex husband? what is wealth when you’re miserable all your life? it’s people like YOU that i hate the most. GET A LIFE. life with money MAY be easy but it’s not always the perfect picture.

you should know. you’re still married to a wealthy man who cheats on you and beats the hell out of you. Go forth and marry another rich guy. because you refuse to marry someone lower than him.

dumbass.

The honeymoon is over…

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I know what it’s like to love someone with all your heart and fear the thought that one day you might wake up lost and clueless because that person isn’t there anymore. But when you fear things like that… what is there to do? or rather… what can you do?

You are so scared that i might find someone else, that you might lose me, etc. but by holding me back and choking me up- it just doesn’t make any of this any easier. sometimes, the more you try to hold on tighter to the person, the more you start to lose them. That’s something i learned the hard way and it’s not something i want you to learn from me because i don’t want to have to go anywhere before it starts to sink into you.

i love you and i want to be with you and for the last time, i’m not going anywhere so stop pushing me away. i hate it.

i can’t keep fighting over the same things. i can’t keep forcing you to believe i’m in this for real if you never want to hear it.

I’ve Been Gone But I Was Never Missing

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GUESS WHERE I JUST CAME FROM? MANILAAAAAA to watch

PARAMORE!!!

and i swear to ALL the gods that it was one of those infinite moments where the world can just stop and if you HAD to die in that moment, you wouldn’t mind. i want that moment again. i live for those kind of things.

i’ll update my pictures when i have the time. lately i haven’t 😦


yes bitches, i am in this picture!

so i was basically in manila for that and then i met up with some friends and relatives. it was awesome and i’ll update again soon.

gtg i have finals today. WTF.