Hi, my name is Issa. People call me Issa.

I am 21 years old and as I was typing my age, I literally had to stop and recount it in my head and on my fingers because I honestly still think that I am 18 years old.

I have these big thoughts in my head and I don’t know where to place them or what to do with them and in the process of this confusion, I get scared and often end up watching Serendipity in my room to calm myself down.

I like to sketch things. It depends on my mood but I have discovered that I am more creative when I am sad, lonely, anger and depressed altogether. Which happens every 2-3 times a week so I’m pretty much artsy.

My idea of solving my problems is by running away from the situation in order to collect my thoughts. Often I like to remove myself from the vicinity and collect my thoughts so when I’m back, I don’t want to strangle every one so much. kidding.

I am hoping to get a new job. And if I get this new job, I am hoping to move out. Because I want to find peace with myself and with the people I love. I can’t keep being so angry anymore so I’m trying to fix it. (REFER TO RUNNING AWAY)

At this very moment, I am thinking about cooking myself a 10:30 meal because I’m hungry. But then again, I’m lazy and there will be breakfast tomorrow so MAYBE this hunger can wait.

And I also have a dog named Meow. She is fairly annoying. She likes to eat her own poo.

And yeah, well you know, things work like that. whatcanido, whatcanido.

I think I’m going to watch Serendipity now.

Good night.

HONESTY IS NOT THE BEST F*CKING POLICY. Because if it were, I wouldn’t have people telling me to lie during a job interview. HA!

Seems like I got suspended for nothing.

I guess life is funny like that. You can love and love and love a person without ever feeling loved in return. And as much as you would want to leave, you know you will never really find the guts in your heart to do so. So until that day finally comes you just sit around and pray that one day some person is going to come and sweep you off your feet and love you the way you’ve always wanted to be loved. Probably even love you the way you gave love and if you’re lucky, even more.

Me? I used to. But not anymore. I’m just… happy. In my own little ways. A cheeseburger would make me happy or being able to play frisbee. Or laying on the beach with good music and good company.

Life is funny. You can have everything and still feel lonely and sad and pathetic and like it’s still not enough. I guess it’s human nature to never be satisfied- to always want more. And here I am, kinda feeling that way but I know things like this will pass so I look forward to getting there.

I still haven’t had my Mcdo. 2 attempted fails na. I don’t even want it that much anymore. *sigh*

Do you think that we are meant to be with one person for the rest of our lives?

Or that we were meant to be with all the people we were with in the past so that when the right one finally comes along we know how lucky we are?

I hope God wrote me this wonderful love story where it’s good and it’s bad and it gets better and it lasts. :3

I am my worst enemy because nobody destroys me quite like myself.

I like to over think and overwhelm myself in the process and I’ll admit- the future scares me.

I have so many dreams and aspirations and somehow the thought of them just staying like that freaks me out more.

I am scared that I want too much that a lifetime would never be able to manage them all.

But these fears are irrational and petty because I know that I make my own bliss.

But the night times scare me because these are the times where the world is quiet and my thoughts are loud.

So yeah, allow me to be scared because it makes me appreciate my bravery more.

Because I know I am capable of being just that.

I’m just hazy in the head.

I get sleepy too.

:*

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Random conversation with an old friend:

him: hi iss

me:okie lang

 

me: HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAY!!!

bitw?

oh nooooo

buwag na gyud for real??

 

me: haha it’s ok ra oi

well, it was different for me because I wanted to leave paolo for a very long time na most of the time na uyab mi kay pugos naman lang ko

me: yeah but kibaw ka think of it this way, you can make moments with other people

although sometimes I still think about Paolo C. I have Paolo now [yeah, same name] and he makes me happier.

if i never left Paolo would I ever know this happiness? I doubt

same goes for you

I’d like to believe that you feel everything I feel when I say it to you,

that you feel the way I do and it’s not just me but both of us.

That you take me seriously.

That even if things are changing, and if our feelings should change too, then it would only become stronger.

That despite my mistakes and my immature wants that are often perceived as need, you don’t look at me differently.

That this is where I am supposed to be.

And that you are who I am supposed to be with.

I love you. And I hope you know that. And I hope it’s not too much for you.

I’d translate exhausted in every language but.. I really just… can’t.

No words.

Just random thoughts, realizations, fears, tears that I can’t put into place.

You make me unafraid, you do.

You leave me speechless and giddy and you make me look forward to every single day that I get to spend with you.

You make me feel sure of myself and honestly, I’ve never been more certain towards how I’ve felt towards anybody but you. And I mean it.

You make my walls come down and just so you know, only 2 people have made me cry out of pure happiness- my papa and you.

You give me weak knees but I’ll always have a steady stance as long as I’m with you.

You are the best boyfriend in the whole world and I still have my head up in the clouds and it’s not just because of today but it’s because of what you do for/ to me everyday.

Thank you for thinking that I’m worth all of the things you do for me and more.

I can’t wait to make you feel the way you make me feel now- if you haven’t already.

You have given me such a happy heart one that is actually starting to consider the thought that maybe not everyone has to leave.

And I just want to do the same for you. Not because I have to but because I want to. And your happiness means everything to me. :3

I’m not used to posting happy things on this blog so forgive me if it’s not as good as the others. When I’m happy, I just want to kiss you and be with you so this is still a bit new to me. But I’ll get better at it.

This happiness is hard to explain and I guess that’s the best part. I can’t even begin to fathom how lucky and blessed and happy you make me feel.

Happy Valentine’s Day. I love you. I love you so much!!!