I can’t stop crying. I’ve been up since 8 and I haven’t stopped crying. I cannot stop crying. I need to stop crying.

smhsmhsmhmdmhkjjkxzsjklxzkjxkxzb > literally me pounding at my keyboard.

I’m turning 26 and I’m still a fucking loser.

I’m sorry if you have to be around to see me pick up the pieces of my life and having to figure out who I am all over again

I’m sorry if I am disappointing you and everyone else because I mostly disappointed myself.

I’m sorry if I’m such a fucking mess and if I’m crying all the time and if I can’t really offer you anything.

I’m sorry if I’m not a lot happier that I’m supposed to be.

I’m sorry you ever had to meet me.

I’m sorry

1. I got to sleep in.
2. I saw Ace today. God I missed him so much. It was so nice. So, so nice.
3. Jonas came and ate lunch with me, bought me medicine/ multivitamins (even if I contested against it) and took me to have soup cuz I’m sick.
4. Even if I am sick, I was able to do an insane amount of work today.
5.  Got to eat fried chicken and my favorite chicken crisps from Orange Brutus
6. Mom told me to rest tomorrow even if I refused.
7. Granny gave me a box of Kyani so I can get healthy
8. I finally put myself out there and asked a friend if I could host with him. Hoping that this is the start of something amazing
9. I cried 3 times today. Am I an emotional wreck or what?
10. Got to tell a new business owner that I appreciated their venture. It made me happy to see them happy
11. We walked around the subdivision and almost got bitten by stray dogs. Maderpaker.
12. We didn’t kill the poor kitty
13. That I have decided to own a hedgehog. I really need an animal to smother with affection right now. Ugh.
14. I sent in 2 proposals tonight.

No photos today. Didn’t get to shoot anything. Tomorrow is another day!

Thankful for a lot of thing today but I’m feeling a little under the weather so it’s a bit hard to enumerate every single blessing so I’m going to make tonight’s entry short and sweet.

1. That I ate everything I deep fried I could a hold of.

2. That Jonas made it possible because I could not shut up about it. If you’re reading this, thanks for picking me up for lunch and for dropping me home! (fist bump emoji)

3. That I accomplished most of the tasks (and more) that I had made for myself.

4. That I am feeling kinda sick because if this develops that means I can watch Harry Potter all day like I usually do on sick days. I haven’t watched them in a while…

I just want to lie down for the next 2 days and be cuddled with. I want to be a babyyy.

Here’s a photo of me being the cheerleader that I am. LOL

Went to Tops even if I supposedly “hate” the mountains. Played sungka, lost but I still felt like a winner.

This was a special day.

Sometimes it can be very hard to not miss things you had gotten so used to.

I miss my old friends, drinking at Victors’ and playing with Vaughn.

I occasionally miss having so much free time to watch all my shows. Now I can’t even finish an episode of Orange Is The New Black.

I miss eating so much bacon til I feel like my stomach is about to fall out.

And I miss my cats: cheetos & tuna.

But that’s really just about it.

When I meet God I’m not going to ask him questions like, “why do you allow suffering on earth?”.

I want to ask him things like:

• What’s your favorite pizza?
• Who makes the best burger in the world?
• Why did you make me short, angst-y and extremely moody?
• Where did Amelia Earheart go? (But I’m sure everyone has asked that)
• How can world domination be achieved? And after he tells me, I’ll then ask him very nicely to reincarnate me so I can do so…
• Why am I always the hungriest when there is no food for me to eat? Like now. I’M SO FREAKIN’ HUNGRY I’M GOING TO DIE.
• What’s at the bottom of the ocean?
• Why do the Kardashian’s exist?
• Why people can’t mind their own goddamn business? And why do they suddenly feel such a sense of entitlement over things that do not involve them? Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
• Actually, the last bit isn’t much of a question as it is a passive blow to whoever is reading this… you judgement scum, you.
• Why is steak expensive and why am I dreaming of consuming a medium rare steak from SnR that I haven’t had in almost a year?
• Nganu pirmi man ko gutom?
• What exactly does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?

And one of life’s greatest mysteries…

• Where do those lost socks go?
• Is there a special place in heaven for lost socks, hair pins, earring locks, ballpen covers and the like?

Ok,  good night. Maybe.

1. I got to roll around in bed for an extra 30 minutes cuz mom was late

2. I FINALLY finished the website/ blog I was working on, after a bajillion years. Please check out http://www.citiwear.wordpress.com to share my happiness.

3. I only smoked 3 cigarettes today. I’ll do less tomorrow. 

4. That I got my package from Beautymnl.com and that the eyebrow pencil I badly need is pretty decent

5. Jonas braved the traffic from the office to my house to go to SM. So nice of him.

6. I got to eat pizza even if I wanted some deep fried, hwart clogging goodness. I’ll try to get some ginabot tomorrow… Even if I have to walk for it!

7. I had coffee twice today.

8. Ate calamares… Even after bitching at my mom cuz the maid forgot to cook me lunch. Please refer to precious post for that 5 minute bratisode.

9. That I met up with an old friend after a very, VERY long time. Hi Gladys! 

10. I was also able to make a bunch of marketing materials for citiwear. Please order shirts from me, I need Singapore money. Lol.

11. I got to play with Barbie and Meow after a week of not seeing my fur babies.

12. That I was able to plot a lot of things to accomplish within the week/ tomorrow.

13. Alex and Jet turned a year older today.  I am grateful for their existence.

14.  My good friends are celebrating their anniversary today. I’m so happy they found each other because they couldn’t be more right for each other.

Late night thoughts (because it’s raining and I am alone): I don’t know what’s in store for me because quite frankly, sometimes I am too afraid to look too far into the future. But scared or not, I know there’s a forever for me in there… Somewhere.

But that’s the problem with finding yourself at the beginning again- everything feels like eons away… But then again, I’d rather be here than still be stuck there. 

My dog is so ugly. I hate her.

1. Ampalaya
2. Okra
3. Beans that make squeaky noises when you eat them
4. Ginamos
5. Talong
6. Dugo- dugo
7. Spicy lechon
8. Kimchi
9. Sisig
10. Bicol express
11. Eggs

… and a few other things.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND THE NEXT TIME YOU TRY TO FORCE FEED ME