It’s the first time I’ve been home while it’s raining since I moved into my new place. I’m not used to hearing the rain from my room, that, plus the silence, i feel is eating me.

I’m busy but I often get lost in my own thoughts, wishing I could just cuddle and sleep all day; eat Ruffles with Nutella, watch a good documentary and fall asleep under a thick sheet.

I’ve got articles to write, blogs to post and clients to deal with and all I can think of right now is how much I want the day to end so I can hug Jonas and tell him that I’m sorry for being sad today. And yesterday. And the day/s before that. That I’m sorry for all the days that I never got to tell him that I’m lucky to have him and how I wish that our lives would just fast forward. That he inspires me and he’s a pretty awesome person and that I am grateful despite all my illogical crying. Because I am a very illogical person.

But yeah, this is my life now. So much empty space in a house of 3 people, a king sized bed I sleep alone in, closet space enough enough for 5 and yet there’s still not enough space for the life I would have wanted to live.

I’ll be ok by 4 pm. That’s all the time I’m giving myself to mope.

I can’t stop crying. I’ve been up since 8 and I haven’t stopped crying. I cannot stop crying. I need to stop crying.

smhsmhsmhmdmhkjjkxzsjklxzkjxkxzb > literally me pounding at my keyboard.

I’m turning 26 and I’m still a fucking loser.

I’m sorry if you have to be around to see me pick up the pieces of my life and having to figure out who I am all over again

I’m sorry if I am disappointing you and everyone else because I mostly disappointed myself.

I’m sorry if I’m such a fucking mess and if I’m crying all the time and if I can’t really offer you anything.

I’m sorry if I’m not a lot happier that I’m supposed to be.

I’m sorry you ever had to meet me.

I’m sorry

1. I got to sleep in.
2. I saw Ace today. God I missed him so much. It was so nice. So, so nice.
3. Jonas came and ate lunch with me, bought me medicine/ multivitamins (even if I contested against it) and took me to have soup cuz I’m sick.
4. Even if I am sick, I was able to do an insane amount of work today.
5.  Got to eat fried chicken and my favorite chicken crisps from Orange Brutus
6. Mom told me to rest tomorrow even if I refused.
7. Granny gave me a box of Kyani so I can get healthy
8. I finally put myself out there and asked a friend if I could host with him. Hoping that this is the start of something amazing
9. I cried 3 times today. Am I an emotional wreck or what?
10. Got to tell a new business owner that I appreciated their venture. It made me happy to see them happy
11. We walked around the subdivision and almost got bitten by stray dogs. Maderpaker.
12. We didn’t kill the poor kitty
13. That I have decided to own a hedgehog. I really need an animal to smother with affection right now. Ugh.
14. I sent in 2 proposals tonight.

No photos today. Didn’t get to shoot anything. Tomorrow is another day!

Thankful for a lot of thing today but I’m feeling a little under the weather so it’s a bit hard to enumerate every single blessing so I’m going to make tonight’s entry short and sweet.

1. That I ate everything I deep fried I could a hold of.

2. That Jonas made it possible because I could not shut up about it. If you’re reading this, thanks for picking me up for lunch and for dropping me home! (fist bump emoji)

3. That I accomplished most of the tasks (and more) that I had made for myself.

4. That I am feeling kinda sick because if this develops that means I can watch Harry Potter all day like I usually do on sick days. I haven’t watched them in a while…

I just want to lie down for the next 2 days and be cuddled with. I want to be a babyyy.

Here’s a photo of me being the cheerleader that I am. LOL

Went to Tops even if I supposedly “hate” the mountains. Played sungka, lost but I still felt like a winner.

This was a special day.

Sometimes it can be very hard to not miss things you had gotten so used to.

I miss my old friends, drinking at Victors’ and playing with Vaughn.

I occasionally miss having so much free time to watch all my shows. Now I can’t even finish an episode of Orange Is The New Black.

I miss eating so much bacon til I feel like my stomach is about to fall out.

And I miss my cats: cheetos & tuna.

But that’s really just about it.

When I meet God I’m not going to ask him questions like, “why do you allow suffering on earth?”.

I want to ask him things like:

• What’s your favorite pizza?
• Who makes the best burger in the world?
• Why did you make me short, angst-y and extremely moody?
• Where did Amelia Earheart go? (But I’m sure everyone has asked that)
• How can world domination be achieved? And after he tells me, I’ll then ask him very nicely to reincarnate me so I can do so…
• Why am I always the hungriest when there is no food for me to eat? Like now. I’M SO FREAKIN’ HUNGRY I’M GOING TO DIE.
• What’s at the bottom of the ocean?
• Why do the Kardashian’s exist?
• Why people can’t mind their own goddamn business? And why do they suddenly feel such a sense of entitlement over things that do not involve them? Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
• Actually, the last bit isn’t much of a question as it is a passive blow to whoever is reading this… you judgement scum, you.
• Why is steak expensive and why am I dreaming of consuming a medium rare steak from SnR that I haven’t had in almost a year?
• Nganu pirmi man ko gutom?
• What exactly does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?

And one of life’s greatest mysteries…

• Where do those lost socks go?
• Is there a special place in heaven for lost socks, hair pins, earring locks, ballpen covers and the like?

Ok,  good night. Maybe.