i like him and he likez me… shouldn’t that be enough?

i’m soo sick and tired of people writting MY story. i hate that i don’t have the power to tell them how i feel. if i stand back at watch i know that i’ll end up in tears. and if i choose to take a stand i’ll end up crying and hurting more. but i’d rather see myself crying over something i had total control over other than, cry over something i could’ve changed but i was too scared to.

everyone tells me that the only opinion i should listen to is mine. but the voices in my head are evil. they want tou see me hurt. they want to see me suffer. they want to see other people happy over my misery.

should i hurt over something tha happened in the past that could never happen again or something that i could have yet they are trying to take away from me? i don’t know. you tell me because i’m dying to know.

i need you to tell me everything. i need to know how much you care. when someone else holds my hand… i want to know that you wish that yours were theirs.

i know that some people think that this is just another one. well, maybe it is… but i don’t need them to be all up on my grill. i know that they won’t understand me. i know i’m pretty stupid.

so, just bear with me. i need someone who can do that. can you?

don’t write my happy ending for me. i think i can do that myself

“i don’t know if i should hurt because i like you or because they won’t let me.”

sometimes, life can be so cruel. one minute, you have the world all to yourself. and then the next thing you know, rain pours down on your parade. [wait. i’ve always loved rain. so what’s the deal?] i don’t understand how people can tell me what to do all the time and everytime, i listen. Yet when my heart says something utterly obvious.. i turn away pretending to be deaf.

i keep hiding these emotions in pretending that their going to fade away. and i won’t lie to you… sometimes, i want them to stay. but if they do… i’ll end  up hurting a lot of people. i just wish they’d understand. i wish that everything was clear so that i don’t have to think that much. so that i didn’t have to analyze anything anymore. my life would be soo much easier. i don’t have time to think anymore.

i need someone.. wait! no i don’t. i need something to distract me. i need something to help me forget everything that i have to feel. that i have to suffer. i need your hands. i need your touch.

i just need someone who’s there… who’ll listen. who’ll understand. you won’t try to hurt me with their words. their comments. i need someone who’ll just be there to enjoy my happiness.

that someone hasn’t found me yet… so i’m still waiting.

***** ******** ********!

“i don’t know if i should hurt because i like you or because they won’t let me.”

sometimes, life can be so cruel. one minute, you have the world all to yourself. and then the next thing you know, rain pours down on your parade. [wait. i’ve always loved rain. so what’s the deal?] i don’t understand how people can tell me what to do all the time and everytime, i listen. Yet when my heart says something utterly obvious.. i turn away pretending to be deaf.

i keep hiding these emotions in pretending that their going to fade away. and i won’t lie to you… sometimes, i want them to stay. but if they do… i’ll end  up hurting a lot of people. i just wish they’d understand. i wish that everything was clear so that i don’t have to think that much. so that i didn’t have to analyze anything anymore. my life would be soo much easier. i don’t have time to think anymore.

i need someone.. wait! no i don’t. i need something to distract me. i need something to help me forget everything that i have to feel. that i have to suffer. i need your hands. i need your touch.

i just need someone who’s there… who’ll listen. who’ll understand. you won’t try to hurt me with their words. their comments. i need someone who’ll just be there to enjoy my happiness.

that someone hasn’t found me yet… so i’m still waiting.

***** ******** ********!

FILIPINO             82

ENGLISH             83

MATHEMATICS            86

MAKABAYAN                    88

            *AP                   87

            *TLE AND            86

          COMPUTER

            *MAPEH            92

            *EP                   82

AVERAGE:                       85.75

HEY.

GOT MY CARD TODAY AND UHM, WELL… I THINK IT SUCKS. WELL, FRANKLY, I KNOW I COULD DO BETTER. I CAN’T BELIEVE I GOT A FUCKING 93 IN ENGLISH. THAT’S BULL! I MEAN, I NEVER GET 83 IN ENGLISH! PISTI! OH WELL, ONLY GOD WILL JUGDE ME. AS FOR CLE [*EP] WELL I DON’T NEED A GOOD GRADE TO PROVE TO GOD THAT HE’S MINE. LIKE I SAID, only god will judge me.

I had volleyball practice today. Practices are well… stressful. The teams basically a mess and yes, there is a lot of room for improvement. Kathya’s decided t o switch to badminton, GOD knows why. But coach [katong paso ug nawng] decided to make me captain ball. It’s kinda shocking though, considering the fact that I screwed up with all my serves during practice and I suck. But I don’t hate it. J

Well, mother and I had a pleasant conversation on our way to school today. Lmao. Actually, it wasn’t. It was like I was being interrogated for this little issue. Apparently, they think that I’m going steady. Hahaiz. [dun roll your eyes, thinking, “not this again!” But, after she reads the letter I gave her she’ll understand. I mean, it’s not like she can stop me from making my own mistakes. Sure, she can talk and try to guide me all she wants but… when it’s gonna happen. It’s gonna happen.

->One day, I’ll fall madly in love. And it won’t matter how many times I think I will. Every romance will be different and there won’t be room to compare. I won’t have to hear people reminiscing certain events that happened in the past that I’d rather not know. He’ll be mine and I’ll be his. We’ll have each other. And nobody will be able to change that. Not even em bitchez.

Yeah. My mom did say something about not being able to stop me, but she just doesn’t want me to. Well, it’s my life anyways. She’ll have to deal with the decisions that I make. Hehe. Was that evil?

Well, I spent the afternoon at Kathya’s being a computer hog. Looking for cute layouts and well, I found this… I hope it’s al right. I think it is.

Now, I’m at home, I just finished the design for our t-shirt. It’s not that great our anything but, it’s aryt I guess. I bet the people are gonna hate it. Sorry nalang daan. J

I’m out. Hollah back. J

Smoochiez,

EEesSuh

P.S.

            Happy birthday, you! J [oldie! Bleh! ;p]

me and my chicks. me with my clicks.

guys your gonna have to be perfect for uz. we won’t faLL for yer trickz.

**i love them. am soo lucky to have them.** i couldn’t ask for anything more but your friendship**you’re the best**

hey. i’d like to write about my week but then..nothing really happened. secrets unveiled [the best secret of all] and uhm, alot of sleeping going on.

volleyball practices are tiring but they keep me sane.i’m proud to say that. lmao.

i visited school yesterday!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHABEL!! you’e the best! im soo sorry bout what happened! ima make it up to you on saturday!

we don’t have class tom. so, im free. i love it. mwah!

** i love holding your hands. stay.**

omg. i was supposed to finish my blog. it was supposed to be really cool but then sometyhing came up and i couldn’t hit you guys back.

so whatever happened is history. ;p

Im feeling better now… thankyouverymuch. The week if FINALLY over! i survived my first grading at school and i am soo happy! otz have happened over the past few weeks and i’m soo psyhced to fill you all in. [soory, poor kog spelling.. lamya dayun!]

last week:

July 25-31

well, at MMCH we have these contest every single month [yes, talk about torture] and since last month was nutrition month, we had alot of stuff to do like, jingle making, poster making and all that esay shit. And as usual, Annabella won.   as if you didn’t see THAT coming. So, anyways… i wasn’t excited for the jinggle making concert although there were alot of conflicts revolving around it and like, even if  we did practice really hard. See i was dead scared bout singin in front of the whole school! and if once isn’t enough, i had to do it twice! ka duha! pisting igit! the first one was for the jinggle “sanay masabi sa awit kong ito, lahat ng ninanais nitong puso ko… ” and the second one, dung dung dung dung… was for our band, i had to learn the day you said goodnight in like, 1 night! hey, is it my fault in not goo goo gaa gaa over hale?! So, anyways.. everything was AWESOME. except for the sound system though. messed up shit. tsk tsk. but i’m over it. we won 3rd place which is great cuz like, naa to’y plus points ang pag dedicate ato ni t. lisley. GO FOR THE GOLD.

ishallcontinuethistom.

kayata… basin managhan tah.

i don’t wanna talk about it righ tnow ok…

7. 18 – 22, 2005

monday: lmao. nothing important happened. i forgot.

19-

we watched herbie! fun fun fun!

20-

miguelito’s birthday! and toshio and isabel’s!

swoosh, guys can be soo gay sometimes noh?! basta, the “gender equalityness” started really early like, mga 7 something ciguro. tom is bigaon and he wanted to try on some of edna’s powder [because he’s soo friggin dark! lmao.just playinh] but edna said, “no” so, being as nice as i am.. i let tom borrow mine. then francis followed and next thing you know, all the guys had powdered faces! but that’s not the end!!! then, si toshio the only guy i know na manghulabot ug butang [wel, di man sad gyud xa guy so.. paytz rah!] started messing with my kikay kit and found my LIPGLOSS!! and passed it on to all the guys! so, powdered faces and glossed lipz.. what else you say?? eyeliner!! omg. the worst! no, actually… si tom man ang worst because he enjoyed it soo much and you could tell! unlike toshio, who pretended not to and as if he didn’t know how to put on lipgloss… i saw right through him bai!!

but, i’m kinda glad that the guys broke my lipgloss.. that proves something!! i hope!

on wednesdays we hae Pe’s… which makes wednesday’s one of my dyas in the world. but this wed. was diff. toshio man gud! malas! malas! malas!

cuz like, we were practicing and it was just sloppy and then it started tio rain! wtf?!

plus, i found out that the next day [thurs] we’d have to go to sto. nino vil. to practice volley which meant that i couldn’t visit stc!! and like, i miss them soo much. i feel like dying!

that nught, i spent it at granny’s with francis and louis and the family.. well, they said they were family. so be it. me and louise traded phones. we talked, laughed, felt depressed and discover something. hmmm.. haterz. we all know they all bitches!

thursday- bai! grabeha oie!

swoosh. this day was weird weird weird. just when i thought tha i was strong enough to suffer, everything backfired.

my chest and back we’re heavy  and i knew why this was so           but i tried to pretend i didn’t so that the people wouldn’t know.       but in the end i couldn’t fake it my insides, they were weak            my depressions leaked.

oooie, oa!!

di bitaw, i was sent to the er! wel, because i was soo pissed about stuff that…you know my condition na baya! so yeah. couldn’t breathe, felt like fainting, was shaking and turned a lighter shade. so yea. it was fun. tha should happen again! 🙂

so now, i have more medicine. but at least i was spoilt. shopping!!!! my drug!! 🙂

in, i did not collapse! hhaha. kaw gyud

friday- mommy!!

back to school na naman! sports club! try outs na wala diay nah dayun! practicE! a soar hand! teacher bus! the bracelet! argh.

k1 with lay and em. ice cream after and a week full of memories i can’t wait to forget! 🙂

well, that’s my week.

someday we’ll know.. yeah. are you meant to be mine?