Skipped
school cuz I missed the bus and now I’m stuck at home waiting for my mom to
come home so I can go to the gym and it’s taking forever.

I
just finished watching an episode of Laguna Beach season 3, it’s not as good
as the first 2 seasons, though. The people on the new season just seem so
skanky and trying hard. Lol. And due to Laguna Beach, we are now headed to the
great depression of Issa Chua…

God,
I wish I was them.

I don’t want to be the girl that hates the world
and everything in it just because of boys or worse, one particular boy.

I don’t wanna be the girl who takes hours at a time
just to pull the perfect look just to get a second look from that one guy who
would’ve never given that to her unless she looked like a complete slut.

I don’t wanna be that girl who has to flirt, bat
her eyes and laugh controllably to his jokes for her to seem interesting.

I don’t wanna be that girl with that one guy on her
mind.

I don’t wanna be that girl who bothers to care
about them.

I don’t wanna be that girl who’s living on
everything that one guy says just to find herself terribly broken in the end.

I don’t wanna be that girl who claims that she’s ok
even when she’s not, the girl who laughs to cover the tears and smiles at the
most when the world’s crumbling down on her. I just wanna be ok.

I don’t wanna be that girl who envies all the other
girls who have fabulous lives because there’s no magic in hers.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’d settle for second
best, I want only the best.

I don’t wanna be the girl who cries herself to
sleep because she’s been completely ruined.

I don’t wanna be the girl who has to look at her
dream guy from a distance because he’s already holding someone else’s hand.

I don’t wanna be that girl who has to pretend she
understands something even though she doesn’t.

I don’t wanna be the girl that no one notices.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’ll never be good
enough or loved enough or just enough.

I don’t wanna be that girl who falls for everything
a guy has to say. I want the truth.

I don’t wanna be the girl who has to put up tons of
make-up to feel accepted, cool and most of all beautiful.

I don’t wanna be the girl who holds back too much,
I’m missing out on too much.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’s full of thoughts
and wishes of things she wished would happen to her on valentines.

I don’t wanna be that girl who’s full of thought of
him and tons of reasons in her of why he should be with me instead.

I don’t wanna be the girl who can never relate to
happy love songs because she knows she’ll never have that.

I don’t wanna be that girl who has to hide her
feelings all the time or the one who shows them too much.

I don’t wanna be that girl who’s too scared to take
a risk and jump because she knows that she’ll get hurt.

I don’t wanna be the girl whose excuse is always
and only “because he didn’t catch me”

I don’t wanna be the girl who’s not worth the jump
or anything at all.

I don’t wanna be that girls who’s volume is cranked
up to a self hate song because my life wasn’t as complicated as this.

I don’t wanna be the girl who wished she had this
and that, I want everything.

I don’t wanna be the girl with too much to say
about getting her heart broken or about not getting what you really wanted. I
wanna know how it is to have it all for a change.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’s scared she’ll be
alone for the rest of her life.

I don’t wanna be the girl who sits downs and sighs
at the sight of cute couples happy in love.

I don’t wanna be the girl who keeps falling out of
it.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’s always the second
option. I want to be the only one.
I don’t wanna be the girl who stares at blank pages of paper everyday and
anticipates filing it in with “I wish he loved me” quotes.

I don’t wanna be the girl who despises valentines
because she knows for a fact that she’s not going to get anything.

I don’t wanna be the girl sitting in the corner
alone for once during that day. I wish someone would sit there beside me.

I don’t wanna be the girl who keeps falling for the
wrong guys.

I don’t wanna be the girl who ends up regretting
letting go or holding on or whatever. I want contentment.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’ll be sitting alone
during prom during slows dances at prom.

And I guess I just  don’t wanna be the kind of girl who takes her
time to write “I don’t want to be’s” and “I wish this could happen to me’s”. I
want love to take its toll on me.

if i didn’t think this got a little TOO tacky, i wouldv’e went on and on.. just so you know.

Skipped
school cuz I missed the bus and now I’m stuck at home waiting for my mom to
come home so I can go to the gym and it’s taking forever.

I
just finished watching an episode of Laguna Beach season 3, it’s not as good
as the first 2 seasons, though. The people on the new season just seem so
skanky and trying hard. Lol. And due to Laguna Beach, we are now headed to the
great depression of Issa Chua…

God,
I wish I was them.

I don’t want to be the girl that hates the world
and everything in it just because of boys or worse, one particular boy.

I don’t wanna be the girl who takes hours at a time
just to pull the perfect look just to get a second look from that one guy who
would’ve never given that to her unless she looked like a complete slut.

I don’t wanna be that girl who has to flirt, bat
her eyes and laugh controllably to his jokes for her to seem interesting.

I don’t wanna be that girl with that one guy on her
mind.

I don’t wanna be that girl who bothers to care
about them.

I don’t wanna be that girl who’s living on
everything that one guy says just to find herself terribly broken in the end.

I don’t wanna be that girl who claims that she’s ok
even when she’s not, the girl who laughs to cover the tears and smiles at the
most when the world’s crumbling down on her. I just wanna be ok.

I don’t wanna be that girl who envies all the other
girls who have fabulous lives because there’s no magic in hers.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’d settle for second
best, I want only the best.

I don’t wanna be the girl who cries herself to
sleep because she’s been completely ruined.

I don’t wanna be the girl who has to look at her
dream guy from a distance because he’s already holding someone else’s hand.

I don’t wanna be that girl who has to pretend she
understands something even though she doesn’t.

I don’t wanna be the girl that no one notices.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’ll never be good
enough or loved enough or just enough.

I don’t wanna be that girl who falls for everything
a guy has to say. I want the truth.

I don’t wanna be the girl who has to put up tons of
make-up to feel accepted, cool and most of all beautiful.

I don’t wanna be the girl who holds back too much,
I’m missing out on too much.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’s full of thoughts
and wishes of things she wished would happen to her on valentines.

I don’t wanna be that girl who’s full of thought of
him and tons of reasons in her of why he should be with me instead.

I don’t wanna be the girl who can never relate to
happy love songs because she knows she’ll never have that.

I don’t wanna be that girl who has to hide her
feelings all the time or the one who shows them too much.

I don’t wanna be that girl who’s too scared to take
a risk and jump because she knows that she’ll get hurt.

I don’t wanna be the girl whose excuse is always
and only “because he didn’t catch me”

I don’t wanna be the girl who’s not worth the jump
or anything at all.

I don’t wanna be that girls who’s volume is cranked
up to a self hate song because my life wasn’t as complicated as this.

I don’t wanna be the girl who wished she had this
and that, I want everything.

I don’t wanna be the girl with too much to say
about getting her heart broken or about not getting what you really wanted. I
wanna know how it is to have it all for a change.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’s scared she’ll be
alone for the rest of her life.

I don’t wanna be the girl who sits downs and sighs
at the sight of cute couples happy in love.

I don’t wanna be the girl who keeps falling out of
it.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’s always the second
option. I want to be the only one.
I don’t wanna be the girl who stares at blank pages of paper everyday and
anticipates filing it in with “I wish he loved me” quotes.

I don’t wanna be the girl who despises valentines
because she knows for a fact that she’s not going to get anything.

I don’t wanna be the girl sitting in the corner
alone for once during that day. I wish someone would sit there beside me.

I don’t wanna be the girl who keeps falling for the
wrong guys.

I don’t wanna be the girl who ends up regretting
letting go or holding on or whatever. I want contentment.

I don’t wanna be the girl who’ll be sitting alone
during prom during slows dances at prom.

And I guess I just  don’t wanna be the kind of girl who takes her
time to write “I don’t want to be’s” and “I wish this could happen to me’s”. I
want love to take its toll on me.

if i didn’t think this got a little TOO tacky, i wouldv’e went on and on.. just so you know.

it’s the first and i’m waiting for your answer. So tell me, is it going to be a good one or am i going to spend the night tossing and turning, wondering in my dreams what it would have been if you were there? Will you leave me completely numb tonight thinking of stupid reasons why i choose to stay behind, trying to find reasons why i should leave only to find myself living on every word you say in the end, if you decide to say something, that is.
because is that, you drive me crazy. through the roof, out of my mind crazy.
and i need to know that i give you the same sensation when our fingers lock or when you pull me closer
my life kind of depends on what you’re going to say next.
so say it.

it’s the first and i’m waiting for your answer. So tell me, is it going to be a good one or am i going to spend the night tossing and turning, wondering in my dreams what it would have been if you were there? Will you leave me completely numb tonight thinking of stupid reasons why i choose to stay behind, trying to find reasons why i should leave only to find myself living on every word you say in the end, if you decide to say something, that is.
because is that, you drive me crazy. through the roof, out of my mind crazy.
and i need to know that i give you the same sensation when our fingers lock or when you pull me closer
my life kind of depends on what you’re going to say next.
so say it.

it’s the first and i’m waiting for your answer. So tell me, is it going to be a good one or am i going to spend the night tossing and turning, wondering in my dreams what it would have been if you were there? Will you leave me completely numb tonight thinking of stupid reasons why i choose to stay behind, trying to find reasons why i should leave only to find myself living on every word you say in the end, if you decide to say something, that is.
because is that, you drive me crazy. through the roof, out of my mind crazy.
and i need to know that i give you the same sensation when our fingers lock or when you pull me closer
my life kind of depends on what you’re going to say next.
so say it.

the commercial on abs-cbn is about contraceptives. oral pills and injectables and condoms. i unno, it’s the first time i’ve “heard” it [since i’m not facing the tv] but it sounds soo weird. i can’t help but wonder why my parents never talked to me about what condoms were or what contraceptives are either. i guess this is why i go to school. to meet people who know stuff about it. LOL.

I don’t know what it is that I see in him. Maybe it’s
the thirst from knowing that I can’t be with him that makes me want him even
more. Maybe it’s the way I know that he doesn’t need me as much I need him that
drives me wild. But one way or another, I know that when I look at him, he’s
all I’d ever need. I know that even though we don’t have the best conversations
or we never have the right things to say, it’ll always be the best time for me.
The time we spent together will always make me smile and they always last more
than a day or a week. They last for a very long time.

 
            But
sometimes I get the feeling that you don’t like me as much as I want you to, as
much as I like you to or as much as I could. Sometimes I feel like I could
never be the girl who’ll make him happy. I know for some reason that I could
never be the girl who’d make him feel invincible or make him forget the world. I
know that I could never be the one who he’d smile at and feel lucky to have
because I’m just not that kind of girl and that kills me. But not because I can’t
be that person, it’s more because those feelings are exactly how he makes me
feel.

 
            I thought
I’d give up on myself or at least on the thought of falling for someone that I was
never sure that I could have. But I guess guys like him will always be a
reminder of why I never fulfill my promises. Guys like him will always make me
want them more. I want the ones that are impossible to have. And in my world, I
call that murder.

I don’t know what it is that I see in him. Maybe it’s
the thirst from knowing that I can’t be with him that makes me want him even
more. Maybe it’s the way I know that he doesn’t need me as much I need him that
drives me wild. But one way or another, I know that when I look at him, he’s
all I’d ever need. I know that even though we don’t have the best conversations
or we never have the right things to say, it’ll always be the best time for me.
The time we spent together will always make me smile and they always last more
than a day or a week. They last for a very long time.

 
            But
sometimes I get the feeling that you don’t like me as much as I want you to, as
much as I like you to or as much as I could. Sometimes I feel like I could
never be the girl who’ll make him happy. I know for some reason that I could
never be the girl who’d make him feel invincible or make him forget the world. I
know that I could never be the one who he’d smile at and feel lucky to have
because I’m just not that kind of girl and that kills me. But not because I can’t
be that person, it’s more because those feelings are exactly how he makes me
feel.

 
            I thought
I’d give up on myself or at least on the thought of falling for someone that I was
never sure that I could have. But I guess guys like him will always be a
reminder of why I never fulfill my promises. Guys like him will always make me
want them more. I want the ones that are impossible to have. And in my world, I
call that murder.

My ideal man is every other girls typical knight in
shinning armor on a white stallion riding up to my castle high up in the sky,
battling dragons and multi headed beasts, saving me from the fortress in the
sky, breaking the evil witches spell and carrying me off into the forest, to
his castle and making me his queen.

            If
you ask me, I call them royal day dreams. Yes, I am a day dreamer and yes, time
and again I do dream of boys and how it would feel to actually be “more than
friends” with one.

If you were to ask me who
my ideal man was, I’d have to say fantasy wise, I’m completely head over heels,
oozing in love with Jonathan Jackson and Adamy Brody, Chad Michael Murray and
all those eye candies on the television but that was completely called for. So lowering
my expectations, physical features wise, (that means cancel the hot hot hot
body of Brad Pitt, gorgeous eyes of Stephen (Laguna Beach) and etc.) I guess I’m
eternally on the look out for the next best thing, my very own Red Power
Ranger. Lol.

But to be completely
honest, as much as I’d like to stand out among the crowd, I cannot deny that I
am, in every single way just like every other girl. I wake up in the morning, hair’s
a mess, face is unbearable, my room’s always dirty and in my life, there will
always be this boy who I’ll fancy one day and can’t stand to think of the next.
I am very much like that. If you were wondering why well it’s because I simply
think that changing minds is easier than getting hurt. (Note: I fancy them not
get involved with, there’s a difference.) Which leads to my second “I wish my
guy would be”…

I wish my guy wouldn’t hurt
me or at least be there when I was. I want a best friend. And my first wish?
That my Mr. Right ought to be God fearing and he ought to know who he pays
respect to- parents, good friends, etc. I want a guy who’s 100% supportive
unless I try to do something stupid, of course. I want him to be in the front
row of my recitals and in the grand stand during my competitions cheering me
on, win or loose. Sincerity is also a big thing for me, as well. When he says
that he misses me, there’s no other place in the world he’d rather be than with
me. When he says that he’ll be there, he will. And when he finally says those
magic words, he’ll mean it with all his heart and not ever think twice about
taking it back.

 
Loyal, honest, decent,
intellectual, well- rounded, considerate, sweet, sociable, has a sense of
humor, talented, hard working ambitious… anyone can be all those things and
that’s not a bad thing for me but those aren’t the only reasons that’ll make me
fall. Because I want more than that.

 
What ever happened to being
serenaded outside your house, being brought flowers and asking for our parents
approval? Technology and the new times will never be a good enough reason for
me. I want a real guy, an “I want to make us work” guy, an “I believe in a
thing called love” guy. Because my mommy always told me that a real guy will
always consider your family if he wants something real and I couldn’t agree
more.

 
I believe that a real guy
isn’t afraid to cry but when it comes to physical features, definitely someone
who’ll compliment me. But in the end, I guess what really matters to me is that
I’d find someone who would bring out the best in me. Someone who’d motivate me  and give me better reasons to live. Someone
who’d accept me for who I am and who I could turn out to be. I guess all I
really want is a little happiness in the wasteland. I little color, a little
something to smile, laugh, jump and blush about.

But I’m definitely not in a
hurry. If it takes me a little longer than expecting, I wouldn’t mind because I
know that I wasn’t created to be alone forever. He just isn’t here yet, I get
that. Save the best for last, I get that too. But in the mean time, I’m a pink
paperclip princess waiting for my blue paperclip prince to come and outshine
all the others. J