1. Ampalaya
2. Okra
3. Beans that make squeaky noises when you eat them
4. Ginamos
5. Talong
6. Dugo- dugo
7. Spicy lechon
8. Kimchi
9. Sisig
10. Bicol express
11. Eggs

… and a few other things.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND THE NEXT TIME YOU TRY TO FORCE FEED ME

1. That I was able to go to church today
2. That I got to spend time with my family
3. That I got 2 new flats
4. That Jonas was invited to lunch (even if he didn’t go)
5. That we got to go to Lovey Doggy and I got to play with ALL THE DOGGIES
6. That I got to drink 2 glasses of coffee (hot AND cold. Yes)
7. That we ate cool, fun food from Gaisano Country mall (of all places. lol)
8. That I got to plan my entire week
9. That I’m in bed by 10:30 with my face washed, toned, moisturized, serum-ed
10. That I am excited for the week ahead
11. That great things are about to come

I’m going to TRY and list down the things I am grateful for each day so I never forget to be contented.

Have an awesome week ahead, here’s a picture of me with a pug

When I moved back to the city I couldn’t wait for my life to pick up again. To see friends, be with my family, work, go to events, blog/ vlog, live a life so busy I didn’t have time to even think.

Now I just want things to slow down a bit, in certain areas, so I can go back to thinking and enjoying the lavender scent of my room. So I can have the luxury of sitting down and collecting my thoughts. So I can allow myself to contemplate on the things worth keeping, letting go and crying over.

Don’t get me wrong, I am the most grateful person in the world right now. God has given me more than I deserve and I know there is more to come.. It’s just that sometimes, I like to stop and smell the flowers.

So I’m going to. Today. And then life can be a bitch again to me tomorrow.

“I don’t feel any preyshur right now…” NOT.

I truly feel like everyone I know and love is fully invested in my betterment and as much as it is heart warming, it is at the same time, extremely intimidating.

I got a bag a beautiful doctor’s bag and South Sea pearls from my grandmother who is rooting for me to clean up my act and be the best version of myself.

As a bribe to take her out on Thursday and in an effort to improve my wardrobe, my mother and aunt bought me beautiful clothes that are easily the best things I could have in my wardrobe.

My best friend, Alex and her boyfriend Jun, have been so gracious as to supply me with different creams and serums so that I can finally have a night and day time skin care regimen because I have developed premature eye wrinkles and they believe that I among everyone else should have nice skin. Mostly because they know it is time for me to start taking care of myself.

Jonas has been cheering me on and praising me when I feel like absolute crap. He says he’s proud of me when I feel like there’s not much to be proud of and he’s witnessed countless panic attacks which happen quite periodically. This gives me enough reason to believe that I am the most unstable human being in the universe and that I might as well be diagnosed with some form of schizophrenia. I really am mental.

I know that I have always been destined for something bigger, something great and as much as the preyshure should make me excited, I admit for the most part that it is scaring the shit out of me.

What if I never find that one thing that makes me great? What if I’m really not that great, after all? What if I’m just meant to spend the rest of my life thinking I’m gonna get my moment and it never actually happens? I cannot susi the situation and I wish that I could predict the future because that would make my life a lot easier.

I don’t want to disappoint anyone but most of all, I do not want to disappoint myself. But how do I do that when there are a lot of times that it is so hard to even just function?

I cannot wait for tomorrow.

Always wanted to die young because of its theatrics. People crying at your funeral saying “gone too soon” and “what a waste”. But I realize now that there are some things greater than a room full of people crying over an ended life- it’s a room full of lives you’ve touched and molded over the years.

My great grandmother passed away at 91 years old with 9 children, countless grandchildren and the list goes on … And it is from her that I have learned that life is definitely better when lived! Rest in peace, Lola Luz. You will be missed!

DENIAL

I am no longer oblivious of the fact that it is not and it was never you.

ACCEPTANCE

And I have been ok with the thought that it will never be you.

—

It’s been a long time coming and I’ve finally had the time and the heart to write the end of this series. I am unapologetic, I am fearless and I am finally free from the pain which comes with the thought of you.

I no longer look for you in familiar streets, I no longer miss the millions of memories I’ve shared with you in a million places I can never erase, I no longer miss you nor do I miss the thought of you… honestly, I don’t even remember you. Which is sad because I spent so much of my life with you. But it has truly come to that.

I am finally ok with knowing that I lost. I am ok knowing that we both failed but most of all, I am ok with the thought that it will never be me.

I am ok that we are strangers again and that we will never be friends.I am ok knowing that my world has to change completely while your life will always be the same.

I have finally accepted that it was as much as my fault as it was yours. I have accepted that if we were meant to be together then this never would have happened but it did but I know God has something greater for me so I am grateful that this happened. I am finally ok with the things that I cannot change- the years, the plans that never came through, the billions of feelings, the loss, the losing you… I am finally ok.

I thought this would be a lot harder to write, like how it was hard to get you out of the corner of my room were I carefully tucked you into. The books are hidden, the photos are gone and so is the pain I used to feel whenever I thought about you and with that, I am at peace and I hope you are, too. I am finally at peace with the thought of you.

Goodbye.