you get left with a really really bad headache [ even if you didn’t drink that much at all ], you get really  dizzy and you’re left with a drunk head and a sober heart.

i know this because i’m asking myself right now, “what did i do wrong last night?” WELL, nothing really. haha. i guess i expect more from the drunk issa. an advantage that should be taken so i can get away with it because remember, you’re incontrol[not in control, whatevr] of your feelings when you’re drunk and you can get away with murder. or at least doing somethig stupid. hh. so, ok, maybe <b>now</b> i’ll admi i was drunk. even if i wasn’t. just to get away with it. lmao.

haha.

i think my problem is i want soo much. i want too much. but right now, i’d give everything up to be with him. oi, that’s not me. i swear. lmao. pero tinuod gyud toh chab, i’d stop everything. watch me 😛 erm.. no nalang. this single ife is as narly as it could get.

i spent the night at chab’s in honor of her birthday celebration which was fun fun fun. 😀 haha. we basically spent the whole day  here and there and the night watchng chab get wasted and suck on suicide sticks. lmao. nice one, chab. but i love you. 🙂

so, yeah. i don’t feel like narrating. i have a bad headache and it’s not a hangover. lmao. i didn’t drink enough to reach that stage. lmao.

i gotmy grades btw and went to toledo or my hearing. i ranked 4th but i didn’t make it on the honors list which sucks like shirt. lmao.

http://www.friendster.com/issaplease

that’s my suuprise for chabel. ❤ it’s nothing much but i think it’s pretty cool. lmao. i collect paperclips and i like to run around and act all crazy and retatrded and i love it. hey, i’m like the coolest person i know right now. HAHAHA. omg, i swear that was a joke 😛

anyways, so, today’s chab’s birfday and somehow i managed to get the family up by 6:10 in the morning to greet chab a happy happy day. it was soo cute ❤

nothing great for me though. except for going to stc. those are always the highlights of my week. lmao. and plus, i also saw claudine and roxanne [freshmen girls from school]at msquare niha. and jackie, jan dean and jan paule [seniors] at st. patrick’s square. cute. lmao

anyways, so that was basically it. school’s school. nothing new. i still hate it. lmao. it’s the getting of cards tomorrow and i can’t even get them cuz i have to go to the hearing from my adoption at toledo which is like, gaah!

but yeah, i know some of my grades

fil – 93
geom – 89 [i’m not satisfied wit that actually. lmao]
ss – 88 [and i don’t like this garde either]

and i think those are the only grades i kow soo far.lmao. i begged teacher jo to sms my grades. i hope he does. i really hope he does. lmao. ❤

so, i gtg now.

“the rain doesn’t quiet give me the same high as it used to. Its different to want something despite knowing you; regret it in the end. i’ve lost the thrill of it all. Life doesn’t give me the same reasons to live as it used to anymore and i guess, i just expect more.

but life on the downlow can be ok not justsometimes but most of the time. i’ve lived with the fact that i am no one to everyone. that i dwell in with the walls and that i have to crawl on my knees just to get by. this is my life. i live to love it. i’m forced to.”

i’m sorry. it’s a PMS thing.haha.no, not pre marital sex. not yet. HAHA

anyways, mom’s been beng a bitch lately so i haven’t been able to go onl,ine

hey, don’t get me wrong, i’m not the kind of girl that cares about this kind of stuff, if i truly did, i’d consider being anorexic.

ooh. food. lucky mee. lmao.

omgah, see!!!

haha. but i’d rather be eating like hell than be studying for out p.t’s just like everyone else is. i’m lucky in some ways. yes, i am. lol.

—————————-stop

it’s better you think i’m an attention seeker. lmao.

so anyways, next time you wanna ruin me, personalize it, baby. MAKE ME A TESTI. lmao. let’s see if you actually have the guts to tell me who you are. harhar.

—————————————————————————————————————————————-stop

anyways, i finally watched sukob yesterday! 🙂 and i bought myself new school shoes today. lmao. i call this personal redemption. haha. or maybe not :p

and i also went high on bazaar products. i hate the fact that granny didn’t bring enough money to buy me the cute earings i wanted. but the bazaar will always be there and their goods.

and once again, i’m candy girl. haha. and it’s F-U-N. but yeah, i’m out.

i just need to break down one last time

hello today, you’re breaking me. just one last time and i’m gone. i’m forgetting and i’m just going to be as passive as possible and not care. maybe. i’m praying for that.

today was the last day of periodicals. oh joy. i found out that i failed my chemistry test by 9 points. whoop-dee-doo. big suprise there. but honestly, when i found out that i failed. i wasn’t depressed nor did i feel pathetic nor dumb. instead, a rush of rebelion ran through my body. like, failing was my way of proving to myself that i couldn’t do everything. that i’m not perfect.and it humbles me. lol. plus,  i’m pretty sure that i’m going to fail to cle too. but do i care? no. no, i don’t. but really, i think i really do. thank you, pat.i’ve realised that i’m just like every other girl. or every girl you know, that is. that i really am breaking down inside but i’m just to proud to admit that i feel insecure, neglected and just not good enough. and i guess,it’s my pride. i don’t want to see myself as someone who’s dying on the inside cuz she can’t handle a little drama. but dodging feelings like that isn’t doing me any good. it hurts and this is the first time ever taht i’m saying this but, i need help. i need to get away. i need to cry and feel sorry for myself because this act,isn’t taking me anywhere. it’s making me feel like someone i’m not.but the truth is, i don’t know who i am anymore. i don’t know who i planned to be from the start or what i want to change into. the world is just one messed up place to even think or try to figure that out right now. this is what i like to call a crisis.

i missed chabel’s play to go to arianna’s birthday party. i’m confused. just like old times. ❤ i liked that. then arden came with judd and matt. cebu is too small. lmao. but anyways, that’s what happened. i missed the interschool play to stay and hang with andrea. well, i don’t regret that. i honestly know that if i came, i’d be too preoccupied to even concentrate. girls like her get everything. but, the question is, do i want everything? i don’t deserve it. i’m not putting anyone down here but myself. lmao. just to set the record straight. but yeah, that girl is one lucky bitch for more reasons than one. lmao.

but you know me, i tend to build up this positive force feild around myself. “that’s okay, issa. don’t rush.you’ll find someone. she just found her guy/ s before you did. no big.” one day, i know i’ll end up killing myself from all this misery. i’m not happy go lucky nor am i optimistic. [but the thought of me writing this makes me feel like i don’t seem like the kind of person to feel these things] so what am i really? again, help!

and omg, i just don’t wanna talk about it anymore.

honestly, i think this blog is basically because i feel bad that my parent’s watched sukob without me.even when my papa promised that we’d watch it together. but i’ve been here soo many times before and i think it’s about time i learned that, i wear my heart on my sleeve way to often and i’m always let down and broken. so why do i still take the chance? i unno. proli cuz i’m a retard and i like to believe that i could just get over it like that.

i don’t know who i am anymore. i do not know.