MENTAL BLOCK

Posted on by
Reply

i’m at granny’s place right now and i am soo lost. i really don’t know how i’m going to write your reaction paper about self awareness and values because 1. i wasn’t there and haha 2. it’s hard! but i’m doing it anyways. don’t worry. :p

so here it goes. you do the editing and e’ything.

I’M JUST going to write whatever comes into my mind, ok? even if this essay has to start in a question. hahaha.

James Victor L. Balagosa

Self Awareness and Values

  how the hell am i supposed to start this!?!?! mental block!!!

    Self Awareness and values. I hear people talk about it all the time. In church, we learn that in order to live good lives, we ought to base them on certain values constructed for us in order to do so. We’ve been told once or twice before that certain values such as honesty, respect, obedience and etc. are few of the many values that we ought to base our lives on in order to live good, progressive lives. But the question is, is it enough to live a life based on good values and not know who you are or exactly why you do what you are doing?

    Self awareness and good values walk hand in hand. You cannot have or live up to certain values unless you know yourself or unless you are aware of what you are doing and most importantly why (other than the reasons dictated to us). Think of it, what is the use of being a nice person to others because that’s what you’re supposed to be when inside you,  you cannot stop talking about them behind their backs? That would just make you a hypocrite and would lead you nowhere in the future.

    I guess everyone has values to remind them that in the society you simply cannot be just anyone you like. That there are certain rules of conduct that we need follow and that we have to be aware of our surroundings and the people in it. If we didn’t have values, everyone would probably be doing whatever they wanted and their would be no order in the world. Can you picture out what kind of world we would be in if this was the course of life? HAHA. I SWEAR CORNY KAAYU PAMINAWN. SAUN.

    If life is a journey, in that journey, we are bound to run into people. People who start out as strangers and eventually turn into friends, enemies, family, etc. But none of these relationships would have last or be meaningful if we do not truly know ourselves. Any person can say that he/ she is respectful, honest, obedient, caring but in the end, the important thing is not the number of times we’ve said or how convincing we may seem while saying it. It’s how we actually live our lives displaying good and truthful values.

HAHAHAHA. SORRY.

27th tomorrow! NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAAAAH!!!! :P

Posted on by
Reply

Dream Big

            I
have a lot of dreams in life but I consider most of them ambitions. I don’t
know what the difference is, really but in my own little world, the difference
is ambitions are something I want to become and dreams are things I want to
have in the future or things I want to do and the like.

             So
we already got down with the college dream in our first essay and the marriage
thing too so what’s left to talk about concerning dreams? Hmmm. I’m so lost
right now. Haha.

             Ok,
here’s one. One day I dream of living a good life. [HAHA. OMG, THAT IS SOO
LAME! And not to mention typical] No seriously, I guess one of my dreams is
that one of these days I’d wake up in my very own home with the prettiest view
right outside my window next to the perfect guy (for me. not the world.) with
sleeping kids in the next room with only one thought in my head, “God, I swear
that I could die right now and you could send me straight to hell and I
wouldn’t mind, really. I’ve been living in heaven all my life anyways.” Because
the truth is simple, I only want to be truly
happy and not just me though, I’d be selfish if I didn’t wish that the
people I love would be equally happy as I am. So I wish them happiness too. And
that’s all I really need to make it through this roller coaster. (And candy!)

             Aside
from that, I dream of being well-off, rich even (if possible). I dream of going
to places, a lot of places and meeting a lot of interesting people. I dream of
making a big impact on someone’s life. Hopefully that impact would be great
enough to get an “I can’t live without you” outta them. (hehe. Dream big)

             But
aside from happiness and interesting people I can only truly wish for a life
well lived. I want to live a life where I don’t have to look back and regret
doing this or not doing that. I
don’t want to live a life knowing that I missed this opportunity nor do I want
to be in a situation where I’m about to die and the only thing I feel like I
lack is time cuz I think that’s stupid. There’s so much time out there and I
know that it’s up to me to make the most out of it. And right now, I’m trying.
Believe me, I’m trying.

             To
cut this short, I want to live a good life. It could be a crazy life or
whatever, for as much as I care. It could be any kind of life you could imagine
as long as the bottom point is that I lived. “Live your life so the preacher
doesn’t have to lie at your funeral.” These are the words I live up to now and
they’re awesome.

             I’m
going to live my life, keep dreaming and hopefully accomplish all these dreams
of mine and I’m going to do all of these with a lollipop in my right hand and a
bottle of champagne [cuz sosyal man kuno ko!] in the other. And I’ll be
screaming and laughing my head off the whole ride cuz I’m cool like that. Haha

  -Jean
Louise I. Chua

27th tomorrow! NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAAAAH!!!! :P

Posted on by
Reply

Dream Big

            I
have a lot of dreams in life but I consider most of them ambitions. I don’t
know what the difference is, really but in my own little world, the difference
is ambitions are something I want to become and dreams are things I want to
have in the future or things I want to do and the like.

             So
we already got down with the college dream in our first essay and the marriage
thing too so what’s left to talk about concerning dreams? Hmmm. I’m so lost
right now. Haha.

             Ok,
here’s one. One day I dream of living a good life. [HAHA. OMG, THAT IS SOO
LAME! And not to mention typical] No seriously, I guess one of my dreams is
that one of these days I’d wake up in my very own home with the prettiest view
right outside my window next to the perfect guy (for me. not the world.) with
sleeping kids in the next room with only one thought in my head, “God, I swear
that I could die right now and you could send me straight to hell and I
wouldn’t mind, really. I’ve been living in heaven all my life anyways.” Because
the truth is simple, I only want to be truly
happy and not just me though, I’d be selfish if I didn’t wish that the
people I love would be equally happy as I am. So I wish them happiness too. And
that’s all I really need to make it through this roller coaster. (And candy!)

             Aside
from that, I dream of being well-off, rich even (if possible). I dream of going
to places, a lot of places and meeting a lot of interesting people. I dream of
making a big impact on someone’s life. Hopefully that impact would be great
enough to get an “I can’t live without you” outta them. (hehe. Dream big)

             But
aside from happiness and interesting people I can only truly wish for a life
well lived. I want to live a life where I don’t have to look back and regret
doing this or not doing that. I
don’t want to live a life knowing that I missed this opportunity nor do I want
to be in a situation where I’m about to die and the only thing I feel like I
lack is time cuz I think that’s stupid. There’s so much time out there and I
know that it’s up to me to make the most out of it. And right now, I’m trying.
Believe me, I’m trying.

             To
cut this short, I want to live a good life. It could be a crazy life or
whatever, for as much as I care. It could be any kind of life you could imagine
as long as the bottom point is that I lived. “Live your life so the preacher
doesn’t have to lie at your funeral.” These are the words I live up to now and
they’re awesome.

             I’m
going to live my life, keep dreaming and hopefully accomplish all these dreams
of mine and I’m going to do all of these with a lollipop in my right hand and a
bottle of champagne [cuz sosyal man kuno ko!] in the other. And I’ll be
screaming and laughing my head off the whole ride cuz I’m cool like that. Haha

  -Jean
Louise I. Chua

another day wasted

Posted on by
Reply

my days don’t count as much as they used to. now it just feels like i watch each day pass one by one and the more i’m not with him just makes me feel like each day feels more wasted than the other.

school’s been a downer for me and it’s just the second day of the week.i only had 3 classes today and i slept during both and for accounting, well, i would’ve slept but we didnt do anything. i usually fall asleep when there’s actually something to do. and you’d think that for some people [like me] i’d like the fact that we did absolutely nothing at school. i was actually bored of my mind. this not hanging with the guys thing is hard, no doubt. and the whole school too busy caring about bagiuo to care about school shit is just criving me craaaazy.

boo whore, i’m not going to school tomorrow. i’d rather not go through the mood swings i know i’m bound to have if i went. so i guess instead of school i’ll be ra-ta-too-e with the sister for their school thing. hey, i don’t care. i won’t be at school and i’l be with a bunch of 1st graders. omg. james, save me.


you’re on the top of my list, mister.
i want you

i seriously can’t help it

Posted on by
Reply

today’s been a lousy day for me. i’ve been tired, happy, upset and just about everything you can think of but mostly grumpy and upset.

i guess i know the reason why and im honestly sorry for feeling the way i do but i can’t help it.

i know that for the next 2 weeks everyone’s going to be talking about bagiuo. that includes the people who aren’t going and ESPECIALLY the one’s who’ll be going. yes, today is bagiuo week. and i know i didn’t want to go … but i can’t deny the fact that i’m soo – disturbed about the whole thing.

idk what’s gotten into me but yeah, i could’ve been packing right now. 8 days with no mom, no papa, no annoying siblings would’ve seemed really perfect. but then again, if i was going, i’d be reallys ad about leaving james and yeah. don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he put me up to not going because it was all me. mommy asked if i couldn’t go and i didn’t put a fight cuz i guess i didn’t want to but still. yeah. i guess i’m just used to getting what i want. especially something i really really want.

fuck. yes,  i’m  pissed cuz i’m not going and i’m jealous because god, i really really realy wish that i was.

i’m going to rebel. i need to make myself feel better.

this sucks and i just feel really mad right now.

sick AGAIN!?

Posted on by
Reply

james is sick again. 2nd time in 3 months. not good.

it’s soo unfair! why do you always get sick and i never do?!? something is seriously wrong. THAT’S WHY I KEEP TELLING YOU TO EAT YOUR DAMN VEGETABLES!!

na unsa na ka, dong.

i miss you :[

i always miss you.

get well