i honestly truly love you..

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you complain that i’m not good with words because i don’t constantly tell you that i love you. it’s not that i don’t know how to play with words, it’s just that, i’m scared you’ve heard whatever i have to say to you before because i am just one out of your million.

but if you must know the truth, i don’t know what to say to you. I love you so much that my words would never be good enough to justify that. I love you so much that i fear that nothing i could ever do would ever add up to these feelings inside me. You are too perfect for me. I don’t deserve you. But i have you anyways and you make everything in my life so wonderfully perfect.

I know we’re not always ok and i’m fine with that because i am finally ok with the fact that i cannot always have everything. And i’m coming to terms with the fact that i don’t always have to be ok- i just have to be with you.

They say you only live once and now that i have you, i could really only ask for one life. Because what would my life be like without you in it.

I am crazy in love with you. and i mean it. ❤

an ode to name dropping

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so… i did the one thing i told myself i would never do, dig into my boyfriends’ past and make it my business. i don’t know what came over me at all or why i even bothered but i did and now i feel like i purposely drank sour milk. and it’s rotting in my mouth and i want to cry but in the end.. it’s still my fault for drinking the god damn milk anyways..

and now i feel like shit.

everyday

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i always say this because i always mean this.

i may not always be IN love with you
but i will ALWAYS love you

and i mean this with all my heart. i don’t know if this is offensive or not but this is how i feel most of the time.

i may not always oggle over us or be capable of being sweet all day everyday because i am not programmed that way but every single day, every second of my life, i will love you because you are the one of the very few things that seems worth it to me.

you don’t only give me the inspiration to value just you but you make me value everything else in my life more. i used to not came about anything but now i see importance in a lot of things i never paid attention to before.

i never wanna lose you. if i did, i know i’d never be as lucky as i am now.

for you to notice

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i do not base my relationships on the amount of money someone has or the car he drives or the people he knows. i do not choose who i give my heart to because it’s what people tell me to do or because or because it’s practical or because i can show him off. i do not love someone especially for what they have but i love someone because of who they are what they have although it may not always be much and because there is something in that person that makes me feel like i want to be that person to put a smile on their face every single day.

that is why i don’t appreciate it when people talk about love like it’s a trust fund. so what if he’s not as rich as your ex husband? what is wealth when you’re miserable all your life? it’s people like YOU that i hate the most. GET A LIFE. life with money MAY be easy but it’s not always the perfect picture.

you should know. you’re still married to a wealthy man who cheats on you and beats the hell out of you. Go forth and marry another rich guy. because you refuse to marry someone lower than him.

dumbass.

The honeymoon is over…

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I know what it’s like to love someone with all your heart and fear the thought that one day you might wake up lost and clueless because that person isn’t there anymore. But when you fear things like that… what is there to do? or rather… what can you do?

You are so scared that i might find someone else, that you might lose me, etc. but by holding me back and choking me up- it just doesn’t make any of this any easier. sometimes, the more you try to hold on tighter to the person, the more you start to lose them. That’s something i learned the hard way and it’s not something i want you to learn from me because i don’t want to have to go anywhere before it starts to sink into you.

i love you and i want to be with you and for the last time, i’m not going anywhere so stop pushing me away. i hate it.

i can’t keep fighting over the same things. i can’t keep forcing you to believe i’m in this for real if you never want to hear it.

I’ve Been Gone But I Was Never Missing

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GUESS WHERE I JUST CAME FROM? MANILAAAAAA to watch

PARAMORE!!!

and i swear to ALL the gods that it was one of those infinite moments where the world can just stop and if you HAD to die in that moment, you wouldn’t mind. i want that moment again. i live for those kind of things.

i’ll update my pictures when i have the time. lately i haven’t 😦


yes bitches, i am in this picture!

so i was basically in manila for that and then i met up with some friends and relatives. it was awesome and i’ll update again soon.

gtg i have finals today. WTF.

Because I Love You

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I’m kind of a strong believer that we are who we are because of certain circumstances that occurred in our lives that caused us to be who we are today. My theory is that, in the middle of an ordinary day something extraordinary happened that changed us for what might be forever. But forever seems like such a long time so I might as well say for as long as we let it affect us. I do not like putting time periods on anything and forever does just that.

 

Let’s take my Yaya for example. She is terribly horrified of the thought of insects like roaches, worms or anything gross and slimmey. This is because when she was younger, her brothers would torment her with these creepy crawlies which eventually gave her nightmares. These nightmares, she carries with her until now and the very thought of these things scare the shit out of her.

 

Another is my sister, she knows very well to stay away from an eating dog. Once when she was 3, she went up to our dog, Poochy, who was in the middle of her meal which consisted mainly of bones and sardines [not something you should be feeding your dog on a daily basis, really] and all of a sudden, Poochy bit her on her leg. Because of that incident she had to get vaccines on multiple occasions which caused her not only to be more cautious of dogs in the middle of their meals but also made her terrible horrified of needles, injections and the like.

 

And me? I’m scared of falling in love. I’m mostly scared because I know what it’s like to give everything you can to someone who changes their mind. And that’s my story. But there are certain things that happen in your life on an ordinary day that seem to change everything. Mine was meeting you. And now I’m not so scared anymore.

I Swear.. To All My Gods

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In all honesty, you make me scared. I’m scared that I’m going to feel things I told myself so many times before not to feel. I’m scared that when this is all over- I’m going to feel sorry, I’m going to get hurt and I’m going to be the one feeling like I was never enough because I was never good enough for anybody. But it never seemed to matter before. What scares me the most is that, with you, it’s actually true. I am NOT good enough for you because you’re too good for me. and everybody knows that.

And i swear to all my gods, you give me feelings i thought i would never feel again.

and i love you. i’ll give you that.

EVERYTHING I WANTED <3

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this is my boyfriend, Juan.
Why he chose to pose like this, i don’t know.
he’s younger than i am by a year.
he opens the door for me,
says sorry even when it’s not his fault,
feeds me,
cuddles with me
and by some twist of faith:
his parents and my mom are very close friends.

i am in love with this creature because
he thinks he’s a magician 😀