i just got home from school today. school was… something. i think today’s emo week. yumi’s in the hospital right now, internal hemorage [idk how to spell it] basta, moa na nah xa.

people at school know about me leaving the house. they know because i cried. i cried because god, remembering everything that happened makes me go crazy and that just makes me cry.

aside from that, school was ayt, i guess. i slept on the floor most of the day cuz i was tired. well, who wouldn’t be??

so yeah. i’m at home [from now on, grany’s place will be referred to as home] right now and james is coming over in a bit. he’s bringing his one tree hill dvd’s and we’re going to watch it together cuz i left mine at my old house [note: old house] and i’m so bored and i wanna spend time with him. he’s my happy pill right now and forever. <33

granny dared me not to see him for 2 days. and i said no. HAHA. she’s fun. she kept teasing me and she made me shout and slap her knee. haha. and then she told me that if he comes over today, he can’t come over tomorrow and i said that that was fine cuz i have a party to go to tomorrow anyways and i told her that if he’d be there, i’d tell her.

it’s so much easier like this. you know, i can tell granny stuff. and even if she says no, i’ll still get my way. HAHA. sometimes though i wonder if i should still lie about some tiny details, though. just because i’m soo used to it. but then i don’t want to lie to grany cuz she already took me in when my mom didn’t want me or when i didn’t want to be with her anymore and the last thing i can do for her is to give her my honesty.

besides, she isn’t dramatic like my parents. so i can chilll. :p

i’m better now. i miss the kids so much though. so so much it sucks 😦

it’s my first morning here. i’m getting ready for school and grany’s on the computer so it’s easy for me to blog and shit.

life is kinda slow paced. like, the clock is slow and i’m hardly in a hurry. not like at home where i have to be in a hurry all of the time. i don’t miss anything or anyone yet except for the heater at home.

i still have a bitchin’ headache. argh, i hate this.

i’m in my civilian attire cuz i left my pe.i don’t even have rubber schoes. fuck.

i also realized that i left

most of my underwear
cologne
my toothbrush [but thank god i have one here]
a lot of my going out clothes
my shoes
and my favorite necklace. 😦

gtg. school. updates later. mom and grany’ll talk. i’m not excited.

for the past few days, i’ve been thinking about leaving home and living at my grandmothers place. i know it sounds like a crazy thing to do but i cannot control what my mind thinks and why it wants to think such things.
i even made a list to weigh the reasons why i should stay and/or why i shouldn’t. i had like, a bunch of reasons why i should leave and only 2 reasons why i should stay. and those 2 reasons were, because 1. i wanted to go to school and 2. because i couldn’t leave miguel and casey. they are my world.

but that day, after i made that list, i decided to stay home. just because things at home started looking up.

but when i came home this afternoon, my mom was sooo mad at me [for lying about how i got to the party yesterday, for leaving my tennis rackets at church and basically for being the biggest problem in the family]

scene: [you’re soo lucky this wasn’t you]
issa enters house
issa: hi mom [kisses her on cheek]
mom: [gives me the stink eye] ikaw issa, you’re soo fond of making me mad huh? do you want me to do this to you…. starts hitting me with her pants. i felt the buckles and buttons hit my face. i ducked and covered my face.  but then she started kicking me and i was at the corner of the room and my mom could’ve killed me til my papa went out of the room and ta daaaah, saved the day. not.

unsa man?! TELL YOUR PAPA! TELL HIM!

papa: tell me what!?

mama: ISSA RODE WITH JAMES AND HIS FRIENDS YESTERDAY GOING TO THE DEBUT WHEN YOU GAVE HER STRICT INSTRUCTIONS TO RIDE A TAXI!

papa: is that true?

and then everything after that just turned dark. i remember my mom saying that she wished she killed me just like she aborted the baby before me. and then there was also a lot of hitting in between that.

and then i told them i wanted to leave. my papa said that if i left, i couldn’t come back but i honestly didn’t care anymore. i just wanted to get out of that house and i just wanted to NOT be part of that family anymore. my mom got mad when i told her i wanted to leave and started hitting me some more but papa kept stopping her. then she said something about why was he defending me and didn’t he want to hit me just as much as she did and shit but he didn’t say anything.

i remember saying please a lot. please, mom. i don’t want to stay here anymore. i’ll actually be giving you a favor. and then she’d hit me for saying please alot. stupid bitch. at least i have manners. and i wasnt asking you to forgive me to FUCK OFF.

my papa gave me permission to leave. but he fucking got my sim cards. he proli didn’t think that i had another extra phone and a sim card is just so easy to get here. lol. so yeah, i left. i left a lot of things there pa gyud. booo.

but whatever. grany has graciously taken me in and she has comforted me the whole time. she even let james come over and hang out so we could talk and so that he could comfort me, too.

and it sucks right now because he’s blaming hisself for everything. he thinks that he’s ruining my life and that if it wasn’t for him, i would still be at home, not bruised.

but honestly, i’m not so bummed about not being at home. it’s actually like a big rock lifted from me. i feel free and i feel like i don’t have much to be scared of or i don’t have to hide anything. cuz i can tell granny anything AND everything and she’s cool about it.

as for james, i honeslty don’t feel bad about leaving because when i needed him, he was there, right away, no questions asked. he comforted me and told me that he loved me and he was just there for me and that was everything i could ever ever ask for.

this is the craziest thing i’ve ever said to anyone. it’s def. the craziest but i’ve never meant anything more in my life.

i don’t care if i’m not with my family as long as i’m with you.
i would leave my house if they told me i couldn’t be with you. [i don’t think i sad=id it like this but i meant this] [and that’s what i did]

this is how i knowi love him as much as i say i do.

xoxo.

im out for tonight.

omg,i haven’t updated in soo long, you guys [the very little people who actually read this blog] probably thought i was dead by now. but i’m not. i’m as alive as i could possibly be and my life. omg, my life has been one crazy ride. [and i say this like i’m about to die because this, my friends is important]

omg,i haven’t updated in soo long, you guys [the very little people who actually read this blog] probably thought i was dead by now. but i’m not. i’m as alive as i could possibly be and my life. omg, my life has been one crazy ride. [and i say this like i’m about to die because this, my friends is important]

so today’s the day we’ve been wasting our saturday’s on. we finally had our NCAE’s.
they were really weird, actually.
i mean, what kind of test asks you if you have a battery opertaed cassete player at home? or a microwave or aircon and shi like that. weird gyud. and it’s not weird for me cuz i have all those things but it was kinda weird to imagine how i would feel it i didn’t have most of the things that we’re listed on that questionnaire. i guess i’d feel really sad and unlucky. [seriously, you would too if you didn’t have an iron at home!]

i thought this was supposed to be about the ncaes. shmooo.

i’m at ultima right now where i actually have to pay to use the computer. lol. but they’re pretty damn fast anyways so i don’t mind. it’s not like i’m paying for it anyways. HAHA.

james’s at bohol right now and i’m here. we’re both having the time of our lives. haha. i’m happy he’s there, too. [not because when the boyfriend’s away, the girlfriend will play. if that’s what you’re thinking] but cuz he deserves a vacation. god, he deserves a vacation from me. haha. i think i’ve been draining his energy. plus he has to deal with college. college. damn, he IS old. 😛

anyways, i’m going to a fashion show tonight. fun fun fun. if he was here, i’d proli ask him to watch with us. awh, i’m still talking about him, aren’t i?

i’m whipped. ❤

updates later.

p.s. i lost 20.00 from an air hockey bet with my papa. fuck.

i’m at ultima right now where i actually have to pay to use the computer. lol. but they’re pretty damn fast anyways so i don’t mind. it’s not like i’m paying for it anyways. HAHA.

james’s at bohol right now and i’m here. we’re both having the time of our lives. haha. i’m happy he’s there, too. [not because when the boyfriend’s away, the girlfriend will play. if that’s what you’re thinking] but cuz he deserves a vacation. god, he deserves a vacation from me. haha. i think i’ve been draining his energy. plus he has to deal with college. college. damn, he IS old. 😛

anyways, i’m going to a fashion show tonight. fun fun fun. if he was here, i’d proli ask him to watch with us. awh, i’m still talking about him, aren’t i?

i’m whipped. ❤

updates later.

p.s. i lost 20.00 from an air hockey bet with my papa. fuck.

i’m back to my old sickness. no, it’s more of an addiction, really. a text twist addiction!!! 😀

school sure is depressing. but we’ve finally got some drama in that tiny mad house. finally. but then again, who ever liked the drama. lol.

i’m pretty sure the whole drama llama scene fits the big public/ private schools who’re flooded with kids whom we hardly know either by face or name but it sure as hell isn’t as glamorous as you think when you’re stuck in a 3 story square shaped school of 40 kids max in one batch of 2 sections where EVERYONE knows your first and last names and sometimes even your middle initial. i swear, drama does not belong there. it should be ANYWHERE but THERE.

so where do i start?

do i start from the news that samantha has dengue?

or do i tell you guys about the argument i got into with my homeroom teacher?

or how joanne and dj can’t be together because of our homeroom teacher?

or about the NCAE’s that’re coming up SOON?

or what else? there’s tons going on. and to think, we only had 2 1/2 school days this week. pffft.

so, most interesting first? ok. i pick.

yeah, i got into an “argument” with my homeroom teacher this afternoon because idk, i guess my inability to just shut up kicked in again. see, brazil found out that we said some pretty ugly stuff about her during our class survey that our guidance teacher held and i guess she felt bad cuz she just stopped talking to us and starting blabbing about not knowing what is real anymore or if we were even real people or whatever.

so yeah, she FINALLY [after 2 days or her bullshit] decided to open up and tell us what the hell was up with her. and when she did, i was one of the people who she obviously wanted to speak out, so i just went out and told her all the shit i knew no one in my class would ever dare say to her which resulted into this fight or whatever you wanna call it and she eventually walked out in tears [and i was tearry eyed too] and that was that.

everyone just seemed like nothing happened after that. we even made fun of it afterwards on the bus. lol. we are saddists like that. [insert evil laugh here]

i didn’t seek for glorification, i know who i am and i need no student to judge me. i didn’t really hate anyone but i surely felt betrayed that among my classes, it’s my very own class who will stab my back. anyways, what’s done is done. it’s an experience i would always look back and learn from. have a good nights sleep/ – brazil

speaking of the devil… i just got that reply from a text message i sent her like HOURS ago…

hi teacher, good evening. i just wanted to say sorry about what happened earlier. especially if i made myself come out as someone disrespectful. i just want you to know that if you feel bad about having to hear all those issues from someone else then we’re sorry but we really didn’t know how to open up to you in the first place. maybe we weren’t eing considerate about the comments we gave but that time, everything just came out and i guess nagsalig mi na t. bel promised to keep everything confidential. teacher, we only meant to air out or feelings and if t. bel neverthat survey, we never would have brouighten all those issues up cuz frankly, we think you’re a good teacher but we all have our flaws man gyud. i hope you can forgive me even if i already screwed up our rel. -issa

i’m such a suck up. hahahaha. but whatever. she’s still a bitch. 

moving on..

yeah, about the whole joanne and dj thing. it’s sad actually. but it’s all brazil’s fault which is why i hate her now. she totally snitched on them. she even exagerated and told jo’s rents that the administration sent her a notice about their public display of affection. pffft. since when the hell did our school ever give a rats arse about shit like that? never ever. it is soo sad.

but it’s not my business.

then there’s mary ann, the girl everyone hates. she’s a loser. everyone knows that but thing is, she’s now fully aware of her loser status and has attempted to suck me into her loserific life and make me her allie. yes, my worst nightmare is coming true. the bitch actually sits besides me now and tries to have good conversations with me which includes giving me information about a certain event that happened during family day. i’m riding along for the information part that i MIGHT squeel to the other girls in my class. oh, i’m evil. yes, i am. :>

oh yeah, getting of cards tomorrow. weeeeeeeeeeeeh.

so far, i  know that i’ve gotten

89 – physics

89 – economics [social sciences/ civics]

86 – english [wtf?! mervin is GAY!]

88 – THE

83 – accounting

yeah. my grades’re ay. enough to get me on te honors list if it weren’t for accounting. but you’d think i’d get to go out and enjoy my life tomorrow?! NOOOO. fcuk bitch. no. i have to fucking stay home tomorrow and do god knows what. proli pull my hair out? idk. i’d die right now if i could. argh.

god, i seriously need you soo much right now. 😦

and once again, me and the rents are anything but alryt. and i know it’s most likely not my fault for being unable to put on a happy show but i swear to god, i am in no position to pretend to be something i’m not. and i’m pissed cuz i am soo near james right now but i’m not with him. i’m breaking inside gyud. it’s the worst. and he’s leaving on sunday for bohol and i’ll be at ultima and fuck, that sucks.

cathy, you’re fired from being my mom. you SUCK ASS!