burning up

i am sooo excited for general cleaning before the year ends. i know i sound like such a neat freak but whatever. it’s not the cleaning i’m excited about, it’s the new stuff for year 2009 that i get to put in the soon-to-be open space. i sound like i’m not making any sense today. haha.

i just got pictures from james who’s currently in the airport waiting to leave for singapore from kuala lumpur and i have to admit, i miss him.

don’t have time to blog. ttyl šŸ˜€

new year tradition update: it might not happen. there’s a chance i’m spending new year’s at tricia’s house. oh the horror.

why me?

why me, god?
why do i have to screw up every little thing?
why do you always have to make me so unhappy?
why can’t i just, for once be ok?
why can’t i just be right?
why can’t i just, for once, be good enough?

why do i always end up here?
why, of all the places to end up- why here?
why here where i’m sad, alone and hopeless?

why me, god?
why’d you have to make me so dumb and small?
why can’t i be worth the fall?
why can’t i just make it through it all?
why me, god, why?


if you ever bother to read this, then you should know that i’m sorry. i really am.

you don’t care. i know. that’s nothing new to me.


40 little secrets

40 little Secrets

Be honest no matter what.

[ONE] Who were your latest 3 inbox texts from?

– James, James, James
.

[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?

– At the back of Nina’s car on Sinulog sa Sto. Nino.

.

[THREE] What’s your middle name?

– Inocencio

.

[FOUR] Your current relationship status?

– In a Relationship ?

.

[FIVE] Does your crush like you back?

– well, if joe jonas ever met me, i bet he would. lol

.

[SIX] What is your current mood?

– oblivious

.

[SEVEN] What’s your mom’s name?

– Cathy

.

[EIGHT] What color shirt are you

wearing?

– White mostly

.

[NINE] Would you kiss the last person
you kissed?

over and over again

.

[TEN] If you could go back in time and
change something, would you?

– yess, a lot of things.

.

[ELEVEN] Have a crazy side?

– the craziest ;]

.

[TWELVE] Ever had a near death
experience?

– yes.

.

[THIRTEEN] What is something you do a
lot?

cry.

.

[FOURTEEN] Angry at anyone?

– myself

.

[FIFTEEN] Do you wanna see somebody
right Now? who?

– yeah but then it’s no one in particular.
i just wanna be around people right now.

.

[SIXTEEN] Do you like drama?

– no. i’m anti-drama

.

[SEVENTEEN] When was the last time you
cried?

– this afternoon, in james car. i sobbed.
i bet he didn’t notice.

.

[EIGHTEEN] Who would you do anything
for?

– james and my papa and miguel, my brother.

.

[NINETEEN] Who is your hero?

– Jesus
and my mom

.

[TWENTY] What is the one thing you
notice first with the opposite/same sex?

– wallet ;] haha jp

.

[TWENTY-TWO] What’s your biggest
secret?

– my biggest secret is that:
i would be lost without you…

.

[TWENTY-THREE] Where is your ex?

– non existent

[TWENTY-FOUR] Would you ever take him/
her back?

– if he begged

.

[TWENTY-FIVE] Do you still watch kiddy
movies or tv shows?

– ALL THE TIME

.

[TWENTY-SIX] What are you eating or
drinking at the moment?

– nothing.

.

[TWENTY-SEVEN] Do you speak any other
languages?

– yes, yes, i do.

.

[TWENTY-EIGHT] Whats your favorite
smell?

– james. god he smells so good.
.

[TWENTY-NINE] Describe your life.

– fucked up


.

[THIRTY] Have you ever kissed in the
rain?

– yes. plenty of times.
and it rocks!

.

[THIRTY-ONE] Do you like the rain?

– very much.

[THIRTY-TWO] What are you thinking
about right now?

– what to wear to hope’s party.

[THIRTY-THREE] What should you be
doing right now?

– nothing.

.

[THIRTY-FOUR] What is your favorite
memory?

– church camp.

.

[THIRTY-FIVE] What are you listening
to?

– my sister coughing

.

[THIRTY-SIX] Who was the last person
you told that you love?

– james. and he didn’t say i love you back :[

.

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Do you act differently
around the person you like?

– yes.
honestly?
yes.

.

[THIRTY-NINE] What is your natural
hair color?

– the color my hair is now. ;]

[FORTY] Who was the last person to
make you smile?

– the people who sent my NSO papers

40 little secrets

40 little Secrets

Be honest no matter what.

[ONE] Who were your latest 3 inbox texts from?

– James, James, James
.

[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?

– At the back of Nina’s car on Sinulog sa Sto. Nino.

.

[THREE] What’s your middle name?

– Inocencio

.

[FOUR] Your current relationship status?

– In a Relationship ?

.

[FIVE] Does your crush like you back?

– well, if joe jonas ever met me, i bet he would. lol

.

[SIX] What is your current mood?

– oblivious

.

[SEVEN] What’s your mom’s name?

– Cathy

.

[EIGHT] What color shirt are you

wearing?

– White mostly

.

[NINE] Would you kiss the last person
you kissed?

over and over again

.

[TEN] If you could go back in time and
change something, would you?

– yess, a lot of things.

.

[ELEVEN] Have a crazy side?

– the craziest ;]

.

[TWELVE] Ever had a near death
experience?

– yes.

.

[THIRTEEN] What is something you do a
lot?

cry.

.

[FOURTEEN] Angry at anyone?

– myself

.

[FIFTEEN] Do you wanna see somebody
right Now? who?

– yeah but then it’s no one in particular.
i just wanna be around people right now.

.

[SIXTEEN] Do you like drama?

– no. i’m anti-drama

.

[SEVENTEEN] When was the last time you
cried?

– this afternoon, in james car. i sobbed.
i bet he didn’t notice.

.

[EIGHTEEN] Who would you do anything
for?

– james and my papa and miguel, my brother.

.

[NINETEEN] Who is your hero?

– Jesus
and my mom

.

[TWENTY] What is the one thing you
notice first with the opposite/same sex?

– wallet ;] haha jp

.

[TWENTY-TWO] What’s your biggest
secret?

– my biggest secret is that:
i would be lost without you…

.

[TWENTY-THREE] Where is your ex?

– non existent

[TWENTY-FOUR] Would you ever take him/
her back?

– if he begged

.

[TWENTY-FIVE] Do you still watch kiddy
movies or tv shows?

– ALL THE TIME

.

[TWENTY-SIX] What are you eating or
drinking at the moment?

– nothing.

.

[TWENTY-SEVEN] Do you speak any other
languages?

– yes, yes, i do.

.

[TWENTY-EIGHT] Whats your favorite
smell?

– james. god he smells so good.
.

[TWENTY-NINE] Describe your life.

– fucked up


.

[THIRTY] Have you ever kissed in the
rain?

– yes. plenty of times.
and it rocks!

.

[THIRTY-ONE] Do you like the rain?

– very much.

[THIRTY-TWO] What are you thinking
about right now?

– what to wear to hope’s party.

[THIRTY-THREE] What should you be
doing right now?

– nothing.

.

[THIRTY-FOUR] What is your favorite
memory?

– church camp.

.

[THIRTY-FIVE] What are you listening
to?

– my sister coughing

.

[THIRTY-SIX] Who was the last person
you told that you love?

– james. and he didn’t say i love you back :[

.

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Do you act differently
around the person you like?

– yes.
honestly?
yes.

.

[THIRTY-NINE] What is your natural
hair color?

– the color my hair is now. ;]

[FORTY] Who was the last person to
make you smile?

– the people who sent my NSO papers

Not your average friday

unfortunately, i don’t have anything good to pair up with my title but i thought i’d make my life seem a little bit eventful. lol.

it’s a friday and apparently, my 3 hour break from my first semester turned into a 5 hour break on wednesdays and fridays. but i’ve managed to keep myself busy on such breaks [obviously] by going to the mall or having lunch with my friends. i guess the upside to not having time with james is being able to hang out and make up for lost time with my friends.

but honestly, i’d rather spend all my time with him again. 😦

me and james have planned to cook on saturday [tomorrow] and i’m really excited about that. we haven’t hung out much at all since sem break and sometimes, he doesn’t even wanna hang out during long breaks which sucks but then again, he’s tired and i guess i wouldn’t wanna add up to all the pressure he’s going through so i just try my best to stay out of his goddamn bussiness, yk?

aside from all the time we rarelly get to spend togther, things’ll just get worse and worse once he starts duty.

i guess i just have to keep telling myself that if other people did it, why can’t i.

aside from the jamestales, i had a really stressful morning today. my paper for filipino wasn’t good enough. apparently, i don’t punctuate well and to top it all off, there was this fat bitch in the library who kept laughing while i was trying to write notes for majors.

but aside from everything else, i’ve been better. me and james turned 1 year and 7 months yesterday but it wasn’t a big deal. i think the longer you are in a relationship, the less things seem important.. for james.

i think i’ve blogged enough.

oh and the year is about to end, i’m ready to blog my heart out like tradition. šŸ˜‰

chao.

Stocked!!

hello there,

I miss you. do you think of me where you are? or do i simply float by like i tend to?

i miss you and you know that but i must not mean anything to you and you probably don’t miss my snooze fests but i am anyways.

i love you and stop being so stupid.

don’t leave me.

i know you’re about to. but please stay.

Let’s Dance

lately school’s been a drag [but then again, that must be nothing new to any of the few who still read my blog, right?] lol.

anyways, school starts at 10:30 tomorrow so i thought i’d take the time to just relax and blog since i haven’t done it in a while. 😦

but i’m kind of having a mental block right now. it sucks. this could’ve been my chaaaance 😄

but honestly, i’m so bugged about james right now. he’s being different, he’s acting differently, treating me differently and yk, i can’t help but think that maybe he doesn’t love me anymore.

maybe i’m just such a bad person. a bad girlfriend. maybe it’s my fault cuz i can’t seem to make him happy anymore.

i mean, we hardly spend time together and the little times that we do, he either, he’s busy, he made plans, he doesn’t wanna hang out with me or we’re fighting which makes him NOT wanna hang out with me more.

sometimes i feel like he really wants me out of his life now. like the distance is making him happy and maybe he wants it permanently.

i’m not supposed to be blogging about this but i can’t help it. i just need to talk about this right now.

i ALWAYS plan stuff for him to wanna want me. down to the smallest notes and doodles that i make for him. i’ve been planning his badging gift, xmas gift AND new years gift and despite how hard i try, i don’t get anything in return.

i just want to be loved the way he used to love me because i know that there was a time when he did. but i just haven’t felt it in a long time.

i love him, no doubt. but sometimes i feel like i’m not getting anything out of this relationship anymore.