it’s not james anymore. it’s not james who’s holding me back from moving on. it’s the absence of that one guy who can make me laugh and cry and shout that’s the problem.

i’m testing the waters. but there’s nothing in it.

Its so frustrating because I broke up with him
Cause I was sad of crying everyday
Like I didn’t want to cry anymore
And then I was crying cause I was fighting
And now im crying because he’s not here to make me stop
He was like my best friend
Its like losing your best friend
[The Hills]

I got used to living without you,
Endless phone calls and dreaming about you.
Always said that you were my ‘meant-to-be’
But I guess I was in love with your memory.
[In Another Life-The Veronicas]

You know I love you, I really do.
But I can’t fight, anymore for you.
I dont know, maybe we’ll be together again.
Sometime, in another life.
[In Another Life- The Veronicas]

Lying is bad, or so were told constantly
from birth; honesty is the best policy.
the truth shall set you free, i chopped
down the cherry tree, whatever. the fact
is lying is a neccesity. we lie to ourselves
because the truth, the truth freakin hurts.
no matter how hard we try to ignore or
deny it. eventually the lies fall away,
wheter we like it or not. but heres the truth
about the truth; it hurts, so we lie.
[Greys Anatomy]

I want you to know that I love you. I never did stop, not for one gasping second. My love for you is unconditional and it will never end as long as I live. I refuse to find others when I have the one I want. I never doubted us, but you did. I never stopped thinking about you, even though you stopped thinking about me. I never wanted to let go, but you did.

Look, i know this sucks for you and i want to be there
for you, i do, but i can’t do this anymore.
i can’t keepbbeing your second choice, not when you’re my first.

Don’t worry. You may think you’ll ‘never’ get over it, but you also thought it would last ‘forever’.

I think I’ll love you forever. But I think, maybe, that’s the problem.

See that any time you feel pained or defeated,
it is only because you insist on clinging to what
doesn’t work. Dare to let go and you won’t
lose a thing except for a punishing idea.

You know, the only thing that scares me
 is that you might love her more than you love me.
[Pearl Harbour]

“What I wanted? I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to tell me there was nobody else you could ever be with and that you’d rather be alone than without me”
[One Tree Hill]

If it didn’t work the first time, it’ll definitely not work the second time. There’s a reason for every break up. Your just wasting your time on someone you’ll never work it out with cause in the end you’ll find who your really supposed to be with, but you can’t do that until you move on.

I hope you hurt like hell one night soon, while your laying in your bed all alone because your ‘new girl’ wasn’t all you thought she was. I hope your thinking of me, and all that you gave up then you pushed me away. Like I’d never meant anything to you at all. I hope you realize your mistake. I’ve given you all that I’m ever gonna let you take. If you want anything more from me, you can just forget about it

When you love someone,
you don’t want to hurt them,
even if they deserve to be hurt.

On the phone a year later, he asked her if she missed him. Her reply was “I don’t miss you. I miss the guy who called me every second he could, who sat at home on Saturday nights when we couldn’t be together thinking of me. the guy who knew how to say sorry, the guy who came to my house after every fight, the guy who told me I looked like a rose, that’s the guy I miss, well how could I miss you? I don’t even know you.”

The hardest part is waking up in the morning remembering
what you had been trying so hard to forget last night.

I tried so hard to save you, but eventually, I had to let go and let you save yourself. Not because I didn’t love you, but because I loved you too much.

So I’m going to let you go now,
Knowing you won’t chase me.
But in 5 years when your ready for this,
Stay the hell away from me.
I want you now, not later.

My problem isn’t that I miss you, cause I don’t.
My problem isn’t that I kissed you.
I figured out that you’re nothing that I thought you’re about.
You’re just caught in a place in which time will erase in my heart.

i had a very interesting day. sometimes i surprise myself.

i wish i never told you that i missed you. i don’t even know why I WASTE MY TIME!!

i thought you were nice but you always ALWAYS ALWAYS put me down and make me feel stupid.

p.s. you didn’t do EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

next time i’ll make my homework at school. i swear.

and i will stop skipping class na.

next semester.

you know that feeling you get when you leave and it’s not a big deal? or someone makes you feel like it’s not a big deal?

no, well THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY.

whatever.

well, i miss james tonight. but then again, i always miss him.

i wish i could tell him that. i wish i could tell him that i still love him and i wish he’s having a good life without me cuz despite how rad my life is right now, i would give it all up to be with him again. </3

i’m so broken with or without him, it’s so hard.

i wonder what i did wrong in our relationship. what i could’ve done to save it.

i just really wish things were back to normal.

i love you james. please don’t forget that. you know you’ll always be the guy for me.

most of the time, i don’t know..
i just don’t know anymore.

* me and kevin are going to prom together. hahaha. i swear to god i thought i was done with this. but you know, it’ll be fun.
diba, kev? diba? :))

 
i am soo fat, dark and ugly here 😦

this is kevin, if my memory serves me right, he’s like 20 something.
kevin is STILL in high school. how sad.
kevin likes to molest 15 year old girls.
and most people i know don’t like him. right, kev? :>

and i’m going to prom with him. geeez.

* because we went bikini shopping !!

unfortunately, i couldn’t fit into any! i will definitely consider augmentation. this is all soo sad.

 

and lastly because.. i’ve been full the whole day.

every time i have to walk from the eskina of my subdivision to my house i always get this feeling that i’m not going to make it. every time i have to walk in 2 1/2 heels in poorly asphalted ground, i always think that it’ll take an eternity before i make it to my place…

kinda like in life, right?

we always have this notion that we’re not going to make it, that it’ll take forever til we get better, etc.

but you know, i always make it home no matter what. sometimes i get there in 5 minutes sometimes longer. but the point is, i get there.

maybe i’m not exactly where i have to be right now and it may take a while but i know i will get there eventually. 🙂

— just thought i’d post something nice. because i had a nice day.

i like thinking out loud. because when i think while i talk, i tend to say the right things.