my days don’t count as much as they used to. now it just feels like i watch each day pass one by one and the more i’m not with him just makes me feel like each day feels more wasted than the other.

school’s been a downer for me and it’s just the second day of the week.i only had 3 classes today and i slept during both and for accounting, well, i would’ve slept but we didnt do anything. i usually fall asleep when there’s actually something to do. and you’d think that for some people [like me] i’d like the fact that we did absolutely nothing at school. i was actually bored of my mind. this not hanging with the guys thing is hard, no doubt. and the whole school too busy caring about bagiuo to care about school shit is just criving me craaaazy.

boo whore, i’m not going to school tomorrow. i’d rather not go through the mood swings i know i’m bound to have if i went. so i guess instead of school i’ll be ra-ta-too-e with the sister for their school thing. hey, i don’t care. i won’t be at school and i’l be with a bunch of 1st graders. omg. james, save me.

you’re on the top of my list, mister.
i want you

today’s been a lousy day for me. i’ve been tired, happy, upset and just about everything you can think of but mostly grumpy and upset.

i guess i know the reason why and im honestly sorry for feeling the way i do but i can’t help it.

i know that for the next 2 weeks everyone’s going to be talking about bagiuo. that includes the people who aren’t going and ESPECIALLY the one’s who’ll be going. yes, today is bagiuo week. and i know i didn’t want to go … but i can’t deny the fact that i’m soo – disturbed about the whole thing.

idk what’s gotten into me but yeah, i could’ve been packing right now. 8 days with no mom, no papa, no annoying siblings would’ve seemed really perfect. but then again, if i was going, i’d be reallys ad about leaving james and yeah. don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he put me up to not going because it was all me. mommy asked if i couldn’t go and i didn’t put a fight cuz i guess i didn’t want to but still. yeah. i guess i’m just used to getting what i want. especially something i really really want.

fuck. yes,  i’m  pissed cuz i’m not going and i’m jealous because god, i really really realy wish that i was.

i’m going to rebel. i need to make myself feel better.

this sucks and i just feel really mad right now.

james is sick again. 2nd time in 3 months. not good.

it’s soo unfair! why do you always get sick and i never do?!? something is seriously wrong. THAT’S WHY I KEEP TELLING YOU TO EAT YOUR DAMN VEGETABLES!!

na unsa na ka, dong.

i miss you :[

i always miss you.

get well

during social studies this week, Teacher Jojo made us list down at least 10 things that we want regardless of the cost of whatever. here are my top 20 ish wants. [hehe]

1. The Concerto

Dimensions:
70”x58”x29”
Electronics: Apple AV Connection Kit with remote
control, compatible with all iPods
Speakers: 2 x 50watt two-way speakers, 6.5’ x 1”
Amplification: 130watt
Materials: Finish plywood, poplar, stainless steel
Finishes: Bright white or black high gloss enamel
Price: $14000usd + shipping

2. Quadski
soo freaking awesome!!

3. iPhone

4. macbook

5. A colorful frog
[ok so maybe my worst fear are frogs but if i could have a red AND blue frog then my god, that would just be awesome!!]

6. Rolls Royce Phantom
ka hot.

7.

cuz i’ve heard it’s freaking awesome

8.

because i’d like a heads up. HAHA. what makes you soo sure?

9.

10. PS3

11. a min pin

12. my own bettle 😀

13. a rabbit

14. A garden snake

15. a hammy

16. a Yatch!

17. something i could rule and use my princess skills on

and then the rest are shopping sprees, a tennis racket, shoes, etc.

these are just material things… just you wait.

<Kevin>:
sounds like you guys have trust issues. :p i was gonna say something
before, when you said he doesnt allow you to text me, but now it looks
like your going further.

hey kev,
i don’t think it’s that. i guess it’s just.. i’d rather keep things safe. ttyl. i’m out

if knew that i was going to be with you, i would’ve waited. and hell, i wish the same for you too.

no more mistakes beh, i’m tired of screwing up.

dear god,

    what am i supposed to do? it’s like i’m getting more and more paranoid and that’s not supposed to happen! i want to tolerate it, i want to keep it in but somehow, they alwats seem to find their way out in the open. it doesn’t hurt though, it just scares me that maybe one day it could. i hope i’m the only one, lord. i hope i’d be the last. i love much too much and sometimes it just really sucks just because he coud very easily hurt and at the same time, i could very quickly fall back into his arms…


when i don’t hear from you, i get scared. but i need you to assure me that there’s nothing to be afraid of. and i need you to mean it, mean it, mean it. sometimes, that’s just really the only thing i need.

is this the kind of life you want me to live? is this the way you want things to be? because i’m willing to live this way, if that’s the way to make you stay.

i’m such a dork cuz i can’t over the fact that up until today [ALREADY the 4th day of h.p.] i still haven’t seen the movie. i’m such a dork but my god, you just don’t ruin traditions like that. i’ve seen all the movies and it sucks that it’s taking for fucking ever for me to watch this one. i blame this on my parents. if they just acted like mature human beings then i woud’ve seen the movie by now. or i could’ve been watching the movie with james [even if i know he’s not into that kinda thing.] my parents need a ife. and better sex lives. HAHA. no, i take that back. smirk.

so yeah. the parents are fighting and i don’t think mommy’s going to back down cuz she’s also an ego maniac like the rest of us. [no, cut me out. i have no pride left in me. HAHA. soo kidding] and papa’s not home. he’s not picking up his phone and mommys still being mommy. geez-us.

you know what? this would be the perfect time for them to pack their bags, go somewhere far far away and leave the house to me and the kids. i’m tired of them. and i want the house to myself. hahahaha.

ttyl. i’m tired.

i’m such a dork cuz i can’t over the fact that up until today [ALREADY the 4th day of h.p.] i still haven’t seen the movie. i’m such a dork but my god, you just don’t ruin traditions like that. i’ve seen all the movies and it sucks that it’s taking for fucking ever for me to watch this one. i blame this on my parents. if they just acted like mature human beings then i woud’ve seen the movie by now. or i could’ve been watching the movie with james [even if i know he’s not into that kinda thing.] my parents need a ife. and better sex lives. HAHA. no, i take that back. smirk.

so yeah. the parents are fighting and i don’t think mommy’s going to back down cuz she’s also an ego maniac like the rest of us. [no, cut me out. i have no pride left in me. HAHA. soo kidding] and papa’s not home. he’s not picking up his phone and mommys still being mommy. geez-us.

you know what? this would be the perfect time for them to pack their bags, go somewhere far far away and leave the house to me and the kids. i’m tired of them. and i want the house to myself. hahahaha.

ttyl. i’m tired.