Recycling some thoughts I shared on my personal blog, www.issatalks.wordpress.com

Everyone is always in such a hurry these days and it’s the rush, the hustle and the bustle that scares me. It’s that feeling of not wanting to get left behind and the thought that “what if the whole world is rushing, moving forward, succeeding and here I am floating” that pressures me. I feel this way all the time and I guess I’ll keep feeling this way because I tend to stress myself like that. And because I know the fighter in me is gonna want to keep up, I’m going to keep striving, working hard and hoping for something better. I think this is my ultimate goal: to not just follow and catch up but to be ahead, to lead, to be someone others can look at and be inspired of.

I keep saying this is my head and I keep wanting to tell people this so I might as well go ahead and say it: Life is different when you’re in the back seat especially when it’s from the back seat of a motorcycle (in my case, a habal-habal). I am constantly being brought back to that moment because it really did make a huge impact on me.

A couple of weeks ago I rode a motorcycle from Badian to Car-car at 9:30 in the evening and if you’re from Cebu, you’d understand how freakishly dangerous this was. I felt stupid that I did it, I was scared and I can’t even remember how many times I just wanted to get off and say, “I was wrong, I want to go back.” But looking back, I would probably do it again. I’d do it again so I can be scared and unsure. I’d do it again to feel those emotions, look up to a sky full of stars and feel… at peace. I wish there was a more dramatic way to say it. You had to be there!

I keep re-telling people it because it’s a great reminder [and a great story!]. Because honestly, I am always scared. I’m scared of everything! I’m afraid of defeat, of not being successful, I’m afraid that I’m not good enough or pretty enough or to simply put it, I’m afraid that I might never be enough. I know a lot of people are like this and it’s a silly thing to feel, really. But still, we feel it anyways regardless of how pathetic it may be.

So when days like this come along, and they come a lot, I tell myself to look up at that sky from the back of that death ride. I tell myself to picture myself on top of that motorcycle again at godknowhowmanykilometers/hour and managing to find some kind of peace and it’s been working a lot!

I want to go places but I suffer from a different type of Wanderlust. I want to travel my soul and find a place that no adventurer could explore but myself. I want to find that place in me that is capable of doing great things and is powerful enough to become someone wonderful. I want to tell my stories of climbing the mountains of my struggles and being in that black pit knowing that there was knowing that there was no way to go but up. No, I don’t want to brag… I want to inspire.

My basket of dreams is filled to the brim but what is a full basket when there is no heart strong enough to carry it?

I want strong arms to carry it and a stronger heart to conquer these dreams of mine.

Are your arms strong enough to carry yours?

Credits to Roger Cas

Shot at: IT Park

xx,

Issa