Monthly Archives: October 2016

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It’s the first time I’ve been home while it’s raining since I moved into my new place. I’m not used to hearing the rain from my room, that, plus the silence, i feel is eating me.

I’m busy but I often get lost in my own thoughts, wishing I could just cuddle and sleep all day; eat Ruffles with Nutella, watch a good documentary and fall asleep under a thick sheet.

I’ve got articles to write, blogs to post and clients to deal with and all I can think of right now is how much I want the day to end so I can hug Jonas and tell him that I’m sorry for being sad today. And yesterday. And the day/s before that. That I’m sorry for all the days that I never got to tell him that I’m lucky to have him and how I wish that our lives would just fast forward. That he inspires me and he’s a pretty awesome person and that I am grateful despite all my illogical crying. Because I am a very illogical person.

But yeah, this is my life now. So much empty space in a house of 3 people, a king sized bed I sleep alone in, closet space enough enough for 5 and yet there’s still not enough space for the life I would have wanted to live.

I’ll be ok by 4 pm. That’s all the time I’m giving myself to mope.

Things I Am Sorry For…

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I’m sorry if you have to be around to see me pick up the pieces of my life and having to figure out who I am all over again

I’m sorry if I am disappointing you and everyone else because I mostly disappointed myself.

I’m sorry if I’m such a fucking mess and if I’m crying all the time and if I can’t really offer you anything.

I’m sorry if I’m not a lot happier that I’m supposed to be.

I’m sorry you ever had to meet me.

I’m sorry

 

How the heck did I get sick?!

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  1. I got to sleep in.
  2. I saw Ace today. God I missed him so much. It was so nice. So, so nice.
  3. Jonas came and ate lunch with me, bought me medicine/ multivitamins (even if I contested against it) and took me to have soup cuz I’m sick.
  4. Even if I am sick, I was able to do an insane amount of work today.
  5.  Got to eat fried chicken and my favorite chicken crisps from Orange Brutus
  6. Mom told me to rest tomorrow even if I refused.
  7. Granny gave me a box of Kyani so I can get healthy
  8. I finally put myself out there and asked a friend if I could host with him. Hoping that this is the start of something amazing
  9. I cried 3 times today. Am I an emotional wreck or what?
  10. Got to tell a new business owner that I appreciated their venture. It made me happy to see them happy
  11. We walked around the subdivision and almost got bitten by stray dogs. Maderpaker.
  12. We didn’t kill the poor kitty
  13. That I have decided to own a hedgehog. I really need an animal to smother with affection right now. Ugh.
  14. I sent in 2 proposals tonight.

No photos today. Didn’t get to shoot anything. Tomorrow is another day!

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Thankful for a lot of thing today but I’m feeling a little under the weather so it’s a bit hard to enumerate every single blessing so I’m going to make tonight’s entry short and sweet.

1. That I ate everything I deep fried I could a hold of.

2. That Jonas made it possible because I could not shut up about it. If you’re reading this, thanks for picking me up for lunch and for dropping me home! (fist bump emoji)

3. That I accomplished most of the tasks (and more) that I had made for myself.

4. That I am feeling kinda sick because if this develops that means I can watch Harry Potter all day like I usually do on sick days. I haven’t watched them in a while…

I just want to lie down for the next 2 days and be cuddled with. I want to be a babyyy.

Here’s a photo of me being the cheerleader that I am. LOL

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Sometimes it can be very hard to not miss things you had gotten so used to.

I miss my old friends, drinking at Victors’ and playing with Vaughn.

I occasionally miss having so much free time to watch all my shows. Now I can’t even finish an episode of Orange Is The New Black.

I miss eating so much bacon til I feel like my stomach is about to fall out.

And I miss my cats: cheetos & tuna.

 

But that’s really just about it.

Getting Over My Slump

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[Dress worn as top: H&M| Shorts: Tailor made| Flats: Tiny Ensembles| Bag: Nine West]

If I have periodic absences with my blog postings, it is not because I do not have anything to write about, it is simply because I do not want to. When I don’t post a selfie or my outfit of the day, it’s not because I don’t have anything to wear- I just do not want to have my photo taken. When I refuse to take my camera out and take product shots or film a vlog, it isn’t because I have run dry of ideas, I simply cannot find the willpower to do so. My personal notebook is filled to the brim with backlogs, content ideas and drafts which you will eventually see online, someday, but sometimes I find myself in a slump.

Slumps are difficult things especially in a world that requires us to be consistent, relevant & present. I find myself faced with this challenge more often than I would want but I am trying and finding out ways to conquer it. So here are a few ways that I get over my “slump” which I hope will be beneficial to you as well:

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1. Set goals

I always believe that goals should be SMART-  specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bounded. I like to carry a notebook with me where I have written down my short and long term goals which I often take the time to look at, internalize, tick off and create new goals with. I find that these goals keep me inspired, excited and thirsty for life and at the same time, being able to achieve them gives me a sense of fulfillment. However, I constantly have to remind myself that some goals take longer than others to achieve which is why it is important to always count your blessings. Every single one.

Try setting daily, weekly, quarterly, yearly and life time goals but also remember that if you can’t achieve some of them, there are other mountains for you to conquer. Life has its reasons for not granting us everything we want… we’ll realize why in the right time. Hopefully.

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2. Set a routine

Nothing great happens simply sitting down, wishing and waiting for something to happen. I find that practicing a routine is effective in jump starting my day and in conditioning my brain to get things done. Try waking up at a specific time, stretching/ reflecting/ getting ready in the morning and accomplishing your daily set goals. If you can’t get everything done in one day, don’t beat yourself up about, tomorrow will come and you’ll have another chance at it. We don’t always win.

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3. Be contented with what you have

Contentment, I believe, is a crucial factor in staying motivated. I admit that sometimes I get impatient and anxious that I’m “not quite where I want to be at 25” but when I sit down to count my blessings, I come to realize that I am blessed beyond belief and that makes me OK. On my personal blog, I am trying to make it a practice to list down the things I am thankful for at the end of each day. I’ve only started writing it, but even just collating thoughts can be extremely helpful.

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4. Be ready for adversities

What would life be without a little trouble, eh? Arm yourself, toughen up and face challenges like a boss- storms will pass and the water will become clear again, it’s all about how you swim with or against it.

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5. Have a good support system

I used to think that I could do everything on my own and that if it was my own struggle, I had no right sharing it with others but it was when I was going what felt like the hardest time of my life that I realized how wrong I truly was and I regret doing it later than sooner. Friends, family and loved ones weren’t given to us just for the good times, they’re there for us even when we are at our worst and that is something that no one should take fore granted. Surround yourself with people who love you, motivate you and see the dreams and the good in your heart- they will bring out the best in you and possibly the fire you didn’t know you still had in you. Life can be pretty amazing, especially when you least expect it.

 

Whether you’re just being lazy, going through a quarter/ mid-life crisis or for whatever reason you have, do know that you’re not alone in this world. We all have those days and no one can judge you for that but your struggles can and will be conquered if you allow it to.

So keep on keeping on. You are loved!

xx,

Issa Perez