i got my hair dyed today and i got it cut too, i know this made my mom happy cuz she’s been bitching about me getting it cut for the longest time. haha. i told my friends that i had it cut really short though just cause..  don’t know, if i could have things my way, i would cut it really short. bald even. lmao.

it’s a saturday night and again, i’m home. i don’t feel like doing anything today though, it just feels nice to be home and bumm around. i haven’t done that in a while. 🙂 yes, for once, i’m contented. besides my MVP’s gotten really bad lately nd i’m too scared to go to the doctor for it so i might as well not find any more reasons for it to keep hurting, you know? no, you proli don’t.

i wanna write a book. i wanna compose a song. i wanna redecorate my room. i wanna cook japanese food and eat them at home on the kick ass bento boxes. i wanna bumm around and cuddle up with someone. i want chocolate. i want candy. i want ruffles. i want new pants. i want topshop panties. [next week. bantay lagi] i want that stuffed toy i saw at gift gate. i want a hello kitty bag, i want a hello kitty watch. i want you. i want to watch gossip girl. i wannt to watch 90210. i want to visit kating’s lola’s wake. i want to be buried in a pink casket when i die. i want to play beer pong! i want to go on vacation. i want you to regret loosing me. i want you to never want to lose me. i want you to come here and hug me. i want you to adore me. i want you to dieee.

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abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.

amphiprotic – when an amino acid is either and acid or a base
isoelectric point – when – and + charges in a molecule are equal
aspartame kills!
tyrosine is a morning lifter
trytophan is a sleep inducer

phenylalanin esounds cool. and so to arginine and tyrosine.

ever wondered what’s  a cool way to do?

vaginismus is the locking of the vagina cuz you’re a psycho.

chabel called. i want yakiniku.

here’s the verdict:

The Notsobad:
i surprised kathya
i hung out with justin the whole evening [this is worth a million points. hahaha.]

so i guess in this moment, i am happy.

i guess kevin WAS right about that thing where you can’t always be generally happy cause something is bound to be fucked up.

i guess i’ll just have to make up for my biochem today and try my chances at soccer and just hope i don’t die from MVP.

ok so right now, i’m kinda frustrated with myself. i guess it’s cuz i realized that my happiness and the way i act is determined by the presence of someone else. like when i’m with someone, i’m tame. i don’t wanna drink, smoke, fuck myself up [not in THAT way] but when it’s just me, it’s like all hell runs loose and i’m just this dumb little girl who gets drunk every other day and i sucks you know cause i wanna be able to fix my life on my own and not have someone else be the reason why i wanna be better and do better. but i guess i’ll just have to try harder next time. hopefully there’s not a next time. haha.

i think justin isn’t too cool with the fact that i’m going to anna’s though. maybe cuz he thinks james is going to be there but yk, even if he is, i’m not going there for him and sure, we’ll talk but the thing is, i don’t miss him anymore. i don’t wish that we’d ever get back together, i don’t think about us and wish for it all back because i don’t lang gyud. i don’t miss anything about our relationship. sure, i miss the things that you get to do in a relationship but not him and not what we had. i guess all that’s left in me for him is love and respect. love in a sense that i love him because we had something together and it was special but not love in a way like i love you i wanna be with you i wanna have a future with you pa. and respect in a way na i just want him to be happy but not in a martyr way. definitely NOT in that way.

as for me, i want to fall in love. i wanna be the first thought in the morning, the last thought at night. i wanna be that girl who’s guy wants to be with her every waking minute. i wanna feel like i’m flying or i could fly. and i wanna be lucky because i don’t deserve him. not the other way around. i want that. i always have. 🙂

i have to go study now. smell you later.

kevin said it has to do with yin yan or something but i we both know that isn’t true. if it was though i hope my mornings are fucked up everyday and my nights are awesome. i hate it when i have to go home and eventually go to sleep while everything’s fucked up. i prefer sleeping knowing that despite all the shit i’ve been going through i still have a reason to smile. or maybe i’m just gay.. yeah?

 
so ok, this is a product of boredom right here, biyatch.

i am bad at singing. sue me.

i secretly hate keenan samsuya’s gay brother now because cuz of him, he now has the best iPod in the world. and if his gay brother didn’t have an ipod, neither would he and if keenan didn’t have an ipod, i wouldn’t have heard the song forever and always which i just sang. and if i didn’t hear it, i wouldn’t be wasting my Logic classes listening to that one song. so now i hate his gay brother because it’s HIS fault why i am addicted to this song.

Was the last person you hugged a male or female?
male 😀

Do you have a pet fish?
noo fishes are boooring

Have you ever had an abortion?
no. but if i had to, i would.

If you could travel back in time, how far would you go?
i don’t think i would.

Are you wearing rings?
my fingers are too boney for rings

What did you last go see at the cinemas?
T2!

Are you doing well at school?
not as good as i would’ve wanted to..

Are you wearing trousers?
nope. i’m in the nude

Do you like guessing?
not at all

Have you ever seen the film Aristocats?
probably not.

Believe in God?
with all my heart

Do you read books often?
yess

Did your night suck?
it was amazing ❤

Are you starting to realize anything?
yes. that life can only get better.

Do you have empty alcohol bottles hidden anywhere?
no. i throw then when they’re empty

How late did you stay up last night and why?
1:30ish. i was waiting for Justin to get hme.

Did you go out or stay in last night?
it was a saturday. f course i was out.

Where were you at 10pm last nite?
mcdo, it park with khenji, chabel, grant and justin

When was the last time something bothered you?
yesterday when i found out that HE brought some chick to OUR dinner place.

Are diamonds a girls best friend?
maybe. pearls are mine

Do you straighten your hair?
yess

Do you wear clothes/ shoes/ jewelry that are uncomfortable?
  why would i even consider doing that?

Do you text message a lot?
i am a text addict!

Do you freak out if you miss your favourite show?
noo. they have reruns of it.

Last person you talked on the phone with?
grandmother

What was the first thing you did when you woke up today?
checked my phone

Do you get along with your parents?
yeah.

Do you believe that what comes around goes around?
yes, i do believe that.

What are your plans for tonight?
DRINK AT GUSTAVIAN, BABY!

Do you miss anyone?
yesss

Do you give out second chances too easily?
neberrr

What did you do yesterday?
hung out the whole dayy

When was the last time you talked to your number 2 on your top?
i don’t have a number two

Are you happy at the moment?
if you want me to be…

Why do you feel like that?
eh. i’m lazy

What are your plans for tomorrow?
school. 😦

Do you know if anyone likes you?
yes but i don’t really believe it

Are you open with your feelings to people?
not as much as before. you get traumatized after those things

Have your parents ever smoked pot?
oh definitely.

Who did you text last?
Kevin.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
i could stay in a relationship for forever if icould.

Was the last person you hugged a male or female?
male 😀

Do you have a pet fish?
noo fishes are boooring

Have you ever had an abortion?
no. but if i had to, i would.

If you could travel back in time, how far would you go?
i don’t think i would.

Are you wearing rings?
my fingers are too boney for rings

What did you last go see at the cinemas?
T2!

Are you doing well at school?
not as good as i would’ve wanted to..

Are you wearing trousers?
nope. i’m in the nude

Do you like guessing?
not at all

Have you ever seen the film Aristocats?
probably not.

Believe in God?
with all my heart

Do you read books often?
yess

Did your night suck?
it was amazing ❤

Are you starting to realize anything?
yes. that life can only get better.

Do you have empty alcohol bottles hidden anywhere?
no. i throw then when they’re empty

How late did you stay up last night and why?
1:30ish. i was waiting for Justin to get hme.

Did you go out or stay in last night?
it was a saturday. f course i was out.

Where were you at 10pm last nite?
mcdo, it park with khenji, chabel, grant and justin

When was the last time something bothered you?
yesterday when i found out that HE brought some chick to OUR dinner place.

Are diamonds a girls best friend?
maybe. pearls are mine

Do you straighten your hair?
yess

Do you wear clothes/ shoes/ jewelry that are uncomfortable?
  why would i even consider doing that?

Do you text message a lot?
i am a text addict!

Do you freak out if you miss your favourite show?
noo. they have reruns of it.

Last person you talked on the phone with?
grandmother

What was the first thing you did when you woke up today?
checked my phone

Do you get along with your parents?
yeah.

Do you believe that what comes around goes around?
yes, i do believe that.

What are your plans for tonight?
DRINK AT GUSTAVIAN, BABY!

Do you miss anyone?
yesss

Do you give out second chances too easily?
neberrr

What did you do yesterday?
hung out the whole dayy

When was the last time you talked to your number 2 on your top?
i don’t have a number two

Are you happy at the moment?
if you want me to be…

Why do you feel like that?
eh. i’m lazy

What are your plans for tomorrow?
school. 😦

Do you know if anyone likes you?
yes but i don’t really believe it

Are you open with your feelings to people?
not as much as before. you get traumatized after those things

Have your parents ever smoked pot?
oh definitely.

Who did you text last?
Kevin.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
i could stay in a relationship for forever if icould.