it’s a friday and apparently, my 3 hour break from my first semester turned into a 5 hour break on wednesdays and fridays. but i’ve managed to keep myself busy on such breaks [obviously] by going to the mall or having lunch with my friends. i guess the upside to not having time with james is being able to hang out and make up for lost time with my friends.

but honestly, i’d rather spend all my time with him again. 😦

me and james have planned to cook on saturday [tomorrow] and i’m really excited about that. we haven’t hung out much at all since sem break and sometimes, he doesn’t even wanna hang out during long breaks which sucks but then again, he’s tired and i guess i wouldn’t wanna add up to all the pressure he’s going through so i just try my best to stay out of his goddamn bussiness, yk?

aside from all the time we rarelly get to spend togther, things’ll just get worse and worse once he starts duty.

i guess i just have to keep telling myself that if other people did it, why can’t i.

aside from the jamestales, i had a really stressful morning today. my paper for filipino wasn’t good enough. apparently, i don’t punctuate well and to top it all off, there was this fat bitch in the library who kept laughing while i was trying to write notes for majors.

but aside from everything else, i’ve been better. me and james turned 1 year and 7 months yesterday but it wasn’t a big deal. i think the longer you are in a relationship, the less things seem important.. for james.

i think i’ve blogged enough.

oh and the year is about to end, i’m ready to blog my heart out like tradition. 😉

chao.

I miss you. do you think of me where you are? or do i simply float by like i tend to?

i miss you and you know that but i must not mean anything to you and you probably don’t miss my snooze fests but i am anyways.

i love you and stop being so stupid.

don’t leave me.

i know you’re about to. but please stay.

anyways, school starts at 10:30 tomorrow so i thought i’d take the time to just relax and blog since i haven’t done it in a while. 😦

but i’m kind of having a mental block right now. it sucks. this could’ve been my chaaaance 😥

but honestly, i’m so bugged about james right now. he’s being different, he’s acting differently, treating me differently and yk, i can’t help but think that maybe he doesn’t love me anymore.

maybe i’m just such a bad person. a bad girlfriend. maybe it’s my fault cuz i can’t seem to make him happy anymore.

i mean, we hardly spend time together and the little times that we do, he either, he’s busy, he made plans, he doesn’t wanna hang out with me or we’re fighting which makes him NOT wanna hang out with me more.

sometimes i feel like he really wants me out of his life now. like the distance is making him happy and maybe he wants it permanently.

i’m not supposed to be blogging about this but i can’t help it. i just need to talk about this right now.

i ALWAYS plan stuff for him to wanna want me. down to the smallest notes and doodles that i make for him. i’ve been planning his badging gift, xmas gift AND new years gift and despite how hard i try, i don’t get anything in return.

i just want to be loved the way he used to love me because i know that there was a time when he did. but i just haven’t felt it in a long time.

i love him, no doubt. but sometimes i feel like i’m not getting anything out of this relationship anymore.

lately i’ve been thinking about proceding. maybe i could be a cosmetic surgeon or an internist but then again, i don’t think i’m mentally capable of doing so.

i can’t imagine myself doing anything anymore. everyday i remind myself that this isn’t high school. if i don’t do good, i’ll mess up my entire future. i’m not willing to do that.

i have tons of shit to do and it’s a sunday. i need a vacation. 😦

i’ll blog soon. [if i have anything else to blog about other than school and people i hate at school]

i’m becoming more and more of a bitch.

just wanted you to know 😛

hollah

issa p