i thank god first and foremost for saving me from my constant nagging and cursing about how bored i am with life because it’s finally the weekend and guess what? i have plans! well, it’s saturday and i went out yesterday so i’m happy.

so bored and i feel like i have noone.

i’m at grany’s house right now and again, i’m doing that thing that i usually do when i’m here.. blog. it’s pretty boring right now cuz eveyone’s already asleep or at least trying to sleep so i’m more bored than i usually am when i’m here. i’m just here cuz i have nothing else to do and nowhere else to be.

i miss my boyfriend!! :[

i’m getting my load tomorrow and i am soooo excited!!! haha. in like, 2 weeks from now i’ll be out of the house in the morning and i’ll be home hopefully late. hehe. i love it!!!!!!!!

i can’t stop thinking about it. i’m more excited than i am scared and i think  that’s a good thing. i mean, it really is gyud, right? yey. i love it.

i’ll update tomo. mwaaah

my mom thinks that she is the most idealistic person in the whole world. she thinks that i should be like, act like her, think like her and blah2 [even if she doesn’t directly say it.] and if being exactly like her means regualrly cutting school , getting kicked out of it cuz of skipping school and getting drunk at a local cheap ass grocery store, getting pregnant at 16, having an abortion, getting married again, not grad. college, being a TNT in the states, cheating on her husband, working a $5 an hour job before reaching what is not even slightly CLOSE to success is her idea of an ideal person then i guess that’s what she expects from me. stupid bitch. sorry, but i can’t help.

i suppose i’ve always found comfort in back lashing her because she is most often, aside from my dad and raissa and yen yan, one of the people i hate the most.

she says we’re broke but most of the time esp. when james is around, the only thing she talks about is money. how much she spent on this and that and shit. and it’s embarassing because she talks about it as if she’s the only person in the world who pays the bills. seriously.

and she’s such a two faced hypocrite! she likes to exagerate things ESPECIALLY when other people are around. i’m sick of it.

she can never just say no without telling a 2 hour story of how you don’t deserve what you want because.. “you’re not responsible like ME. you never had to commute like ME. you never had to save for your own school shoes like ME. you never had to eat oil and salt with rice like ME.” and hello, stupid ass. the only reason why we’ve never done that is because you’ve never trained us to live a life like that because you worrked hard [and we appreciate it] so we wouldn’t have to live a life that you once lived! which totally defeats the point of your useless YAPPING!!

my mother always makes a way to make herself look stupid and the butt of all arguments. which i never point out to her face only because of the reason that she is PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE!

and i SWEAR that by the time i’m out of the house and she needs help… I’M PUTTING HER IN A FUCKING RETIREMENT HOME!

i got braces today. it’s crazy.haha. i only got braces on the bottom part though and i’m getting retainers for the top tomorrow. it’s so weird cuz i feel like when i get to college i’ll look like a whole other issa, straighter hair, braces, new clothes, blah blah. i think i’m getting dorkier. haha. whatever.

i had a good time with james today, it’s been 3 days already since the two of us haven’t fought and it feels like i freakin world record! HAHAHAHA.

well, i’m tired. and pretty much in a lot of pain.

p.s. i saw nikki today. she came over to get some dvd’s.
p.s.s. chab texted me and acted like we weren’t fighting. don’t i deserve an “i’m sorry” or something?
p.s.s.s. a fag is into my boyfriend. he said he was really hot the other day. okaaay.

and yeah.

xoxo :]

i just noticed that i happen to start most, if not all of my conversations with.. “i wonder..”. do i seriously wonder THAT much? haha. sick.

i’m at grany’s place praying to God that my dad doesn’t go online and try to chat with me or worse, talk to me. seriously, i know he gave me 40k for college and shit but that’s no reason for me to kiss his ass. i mean, what’s 40 thousand compares to the idk my mom’s spent on me? so if he thinks i’m going to befriend him for his little charity stint, he’s got another thing coming.

but anyways, i’m at grany’s place cuz i got sick of staying home for the past 3 days and i didn’t really want to go and hang with my friends so i decided to come here where i could eat my heart out and do whatever the fuck i wanted. good idea, huh? i got to eat a cheeseburger meal with large fries AND chicken with rice. not bad for a girl who’s afraid to loose weight.

aside from eating, i read annie’s cosmopolitan magazine and watched “a love story” which was kinda cool. i think i’ve been degrading myself. first with the PBB obsession and now this. haha. i’ve outdone myself, really. and yk how you end up with tons of questions after. well, i’ve come up with a bunch of my own.

i wonder if, at some point or another in your life you have to go through being cheated on, cheating or being cheated with [does the last part make sense?]
and i wonder if each time we go through it, can we handle it like we do in the movies? without screaming, without hitting, without walking out? because i don’t think i could ever do that.
i also wonder if i should be like those kind of people on wowowee who were left by their moms or dads yet still have nothing but love for them. i mean, i wish i was like that but i just don’t see that coming for me, yk?

well. that’s basically it. lmao. so much for that.

aside from that, lately, i’ve been thinking about whether or not i should go a step further with james. i know it’s weird to be posting the fact that i’m a virgin with james but yeah, KRYSTLE, at least now you know you’re niece is SAFE. hahaha.

but i’ve come up with a few reasons of why i SHOULDN’T do it.

1. because i promised myself i would WAIT
2. cuz when i do it, i don’t want to have to worry for the next few weeks about if i’m pregnant or not. and if i ever was pregnant, i wouldn’t want to have to kill it or i wouldn’t want a baby to be a problem cuz babies shouldn’t be problems. they should be blessings.
3. i want my first time to be really nice. not in a car or in a cheapass motel, yk? i wanna remember it. and not be ashamed to.
4. i don’t want my relationship with james to be just about sex. i want it to be more than just that. and if he can prove to me that he can be with me for a long time without doing it, then i’ll know he’s the one.
5. things between me and him aren’t that good right now. i mean, sure we get along and stuff but then we always have our fights between those and that scares me.
6. as much as i want to be with him forever, you never know what’ll happen. and i just want to be sure that i’m giving myself away to the ONLY guy.
7. and i just don’t want to turn into my mother.

i have a lot of regrets. but i don’t want this to be my biggest regret and if i did do it, i know i will. i don’t know if i still have the same opinion as everyone else but i’d sure like some amens for it. HAHA. no, i’m chill.

but anyways, the only reason why i want to do it is cuz i think that sex will never be as good when you’re young compared to when you’re old and married. but who says i have to be old, right? lmao.

i’m a dork but i want people to read this cuz yeah. it’s important to me and maybe it’ll mean something to some other people. lmao.

i’m out for tonight.

well, you can’t always have everything. but aside from that, these past 3 days [sat., sun., monday so maybe it’s not a weekend ish] have been really good. and that is why right now i don’t really mind about staying home with not much to do except use the internet. lmao.

so on saturday morning, i asked nina to pick me so we can go to chabel’s house before we left for Tuburan but of course, i didn’t really go to chab’s right away. i got dropped off at IT Park where james bought me lunch before i left for my little get away. lmao. then he dropped me at chabel’s place and we left a few hours after that to go to the southern tip of the island i call home.

it was awesome and i dont want to narrate it cuz i don’t really know how but anyways, something really funny happened while i was there and while ina was high. lmao. my mom texted me and asked me where i was and i told her i was on the beach with my friends and she called and said she didn’t know i was going to spend the night there! haha. i don’t think i would travel 3 hours just for spend another 3 hours traveling back. HAHA. crazy mommy.

but nevertheless, it was good. exactly what i wanted this summer. lacking the james.

i played in the rain yesterday. and i made leche flan with james while he showed me how much he missed me. lol. it got me thinking. how far am i going to go with this boy.

and it just occured to me, in a month or so, i’m going to college. i heard they changed the curriculum for the upcoming batch of nursing students. they say that now we’re going to have a broader background of nursing which means only one thing, they are going to bring hell on us.

i haven’t bathed in a day and i don’t want to. my back and shoulders hurt and i want to watch nigahiga on youtube. so i’m — out.