Monthly Archives: January 2007

butterflies and everything

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i hope you know that when i said that
we were over
i meant it

omg, prom was beautiful.

ok, i’ll narrate what i can in full details.

so, me, papa, casey and miguel had a very big breakfast at Jollibee. I had pancakes and that longganisa meal that i only got cuz my papa told me to. lol. There we talked about everything . anything. i told him how everyone was excited for prom and that it wasn’t a big deal for me cuz i don’t know, i just wasn’t that excited for it. but it was the exact opposite of what i expected. it was glamorous and i loved it.

i went to the parlor at around 11:30 because the stupid bayot said that he had to work on my hair. my concept was that, he needed alot of time to beautify such an ugly canvas. haha. but suprisingly, it took shorter than expected. i was home by 2 with terrible archie andrew eyebrows and a weird up do. plus, i was soo sleepy. and i couldn’t lie down cuz i would ruin my hair and i couldn’t  eat either cuz well, i didn’t have any lipstick and i’d hate having to go to a wondeful prom with my purple lips. so i starved myself. lol. no, i ate small oranges.

francis picked me up at around 6. talked to papa and i was to be home by 2. strictly 2. not 2:01. 2.

i was quiet at first. i hated being all made up. it made me feel.. ugly. and made up. i don’t like it when people see me like that. that’s not me. but whateve. anyways, so i was quiet at first. we went to IT Park  for the bus that we ended up not riding and  yeah.

i bet my pictures were horrible. i don’t want to see them. no, thank you. lol.

then we ate, watched the slide shows and shit. twas fun.

then the disco thinggy came. omg, that was awesome. diggul is like my dream dance partner  and bel too. those boys can dance.  francis wouldn’t dance man gud and i wasn’t planning on just sitting there, watching people dance because i have to be the people. that’s my nature. lol.

francis decided that we’d go to shang and hang out which was fun.  the way home was better. arms around my waste, butterflies and  everything. that boy just needs to loosen up. he’s such an old soul but i will always remember last night. foreber ❤

btw, i got one of the corsage thinggies. beautiful. ❤

will you dance with me tonight?

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i’m not excited but i’m not scared. today just feels like a regular saturday afternoon except today i’ll be out the whole afternoon. lol.

so, today’s prom night. my first prom. and i unno. i’m just glad i’m going and glad-der HAHA cuz i’m going with someone i’m very comfortable with.

i made francis this letter. i won’t tel him about it. i’ll just wait til he reads it gyud. i’m giving him a cd with our pictures in it. well, yeah, he asked for it.:p

wait, do you give people gifts on their prom? HAHA. wtf.

school yesterday was pretty awesome. jagger and mikel got into a fight, edgar and joseph got into a fight the other day too [andi had a lil bit of fault there]. haha. but whateve. i live for action like that.

well, i’m having breakfast with papa today. he wants to go through things before prom. He thinks i’ll do something stupid which i soo totally will not!

so, yeah. i’ll update later. :]

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rating feelings

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mr. dj can i make a request,
pwede ba ‘yung love song ko?

do you see me?
do you feel me like i feel you?
call your number,
I cannot get through.
You don’t hear me.
[or did you ever consider the fact that you
don’t listen to me?]
And i don’t understand,
[what’s there to understand?
it’s spelled out beautifully for you]
When i reach out,
I don’t feel your hand

Were they wasted words?
[i would never waste such precious words.]
And did they mean a thing?
[you know i meant it]
And all that precious time,
Well, I just feel so in between

Someday
I just keep pretending
That you’ll say dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
[you know i can’t.]
and i can’t keep something that i never had

I keep tell myself things can turn around with time
And if I wait it out you could always change your mind
[you know that i like not knowing. i just want to take my time from now on]
Like a fairy tale where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes have you lying here again
Then I come back down
They dont pay back and
Then I realize its just what Its just what might have been.

Am I a shadow on your wall
Am I anything at all
Anything to you
Am I a sacrate that you came
Do you dream me while your sleeping after all

.

From the first day I met ya, I noticed your style
Had that B-boy swagger, not one of the crowd
And you talked like you knew me, kept comin’ around
And I fell for ya, yeah.

Then as time kept going, I noticed some things
That our love kept growing, wanted to run away
‘Cause the situations in the past, none of them really last
Memories just had a hold of me, ohhh.

But I, had to let go of the pain
Let love rain down on me (let it rain)
‘Cause you helped me open up my eyes, showed me things I could never see (let it rain)
‘Cause we can fight, and we make up,
Wanna see you when I wake up
I’ll stay with you only (let it rain)
Cause I need you to show me how our love should really be (let it rain).

I used to wonder where we’re going, and where I wanted to be
Sittin’ alone, all shook up when I found my destiny
Hearing songs on the radio, wishin’ that could happen for me, oh ohh (ohh oh)
Then when you came in the picture, then I knew quickly
That we could build something so strong
Expect the best for the future, forget about what used to be
I need you here all life long.

‘Cause I see the sunlight whenever we touch,
All day and all night, it’s never too much
Afraid of my feelings and falling too deep,
But everybody’s had this one time or another
When you need somebody to set your heart free, ohh ohhh.

.

i hope you could see rge tears that are trying soo hard not to fall right now

handle me with care </3

note to self:
smoking is definitely ruins climbing abilities

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO’S MAKING THIS
HARD!

of lessons learned and the ones you forgot to teach me

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january 23, 2005


I’ve been jumping from the tops of buildings


My bones have shattered

My pride is shattered

And in the midst of this self inflicted pain

I can see my beautiful rescue


I’m falling more in love with every single word I withhold

I’m falling more in love with every single word you say

I’m falling head over heals for you


At the top of my lungs I’m singing you a song

“Don’t you leave me alone”

My bones were shattered

My pride lay shattered

Well I’ll trample my pride

Until the whole world dance with me


Again well I’m crying out,

“wash my hands, these bloody hands, oh open my mouth and I’ll sing”


I’ve been dancing on the tops of buildings,
with you.


Here I am again

Talking to myself

Sitting at a red light

Both hands on the wheel

How am I supposed to feel?

So much running through my mind

First you wanna be free

Now you say you need me

Giving mixed signals and signs

It’s so hard to let you in

Thinking you might slam the brakes again


This is more than I can take

You tell me that you love me first

Then throw your heart into reverse

I gotta get away


I can’t keep coming back to you

Every time you’re in the mood

To whisper something sweet in my ear

It’s so hard to move on

Cause every time I think you’re gone

You show up in my rearview mirror


Is this just a detour?

Cause I gotta be sure

That you really mean what you say

It’s so hard to let you in

Thinking you might slam the brakes again


today was emo day is issaville and i have no idea why. i guess i just spent the whole day either writing in my journal, sleeping, eating and gazing into space. [i think i’m into space rangers now. HAHA]
i know i made it soo corny and casual to some people people [heck, most] but waking up on my own, not rushing and having nothing to do on the bus, during lunch or in between class time definitely had it’s effects on me. and i know that i’m the one to blame here but yeah, i still don’t know.
i thought i’d keep myself preoccupied with POKEMON: Frigo Returns but then, i don’t know, i kinda lost the urge to play after i beat Brendon. ok, that sounded soo dorky. INEEDHELP. so anyways, i decided to listen to some music and bang, i just had to listen to all these songs that made me think and yeah. that sucked for me.
i don’t know. i guess today i just realized that i haven’t changed much. I haven’t changed from the time i told myself that i wasn’t going to fall inlove again and i haven’t changed since i told myself that i was just going to have fun. God knows my objectives have changed but i don’t know.. i can’t help but think that i’ve failed myself, stepped on other people and hurt myself and someone else too.
God, i miss him but i know that i can’t do this anymore. i know for sure that i’m letting go because at first, i wanted to see if he’s follow, if he’d hold on and now, i’m letting go because i know that i can’t take the pressure and i can’t take all hype. maybe i’m just not cut out for this and maybe i’m just a tad bit out-dated for this whole boy girl thing. and no, i’m not liberated maybe he’s just not the one i’ve been waiting for.
i mean, i only get one first boyfriend, right? and let’s face it, i already screwed up the first kisses and shit so, i might as well make this good. i do not even know what i’m talking about anymore.
geez, i’m getting deaf in my right ear. i hate this.
so, issa’s been emo today. doesn’t that just suck?
now i remember why i don’t like having flings. but i know why i live for them. i am just a sad little confused person. the gods can mock me, i’ll let them. god, i feel like absolute crap.
but aside from that, i’m kinda excited for what’s in store. francis’s prom is coming up and i just hope that would turn out well. i know this sounds lame but i’ve been practicing on how i eat. believe it or not, i am extremely consious on the way i eat in front of guys because one, i don’t know where the spoon and fork go [lefty, people!] and two, i’m a klutz. yeah, now you know why i won’t eat with just any guy. haha.
i do hope that goes well for everyone. i hope i’m a good date and i hope francis’ll be a good date too. i’m still shy around him, in a “holding back” kind of way. you can shoot me now!

so here are the little scribble on my notebook:

your name’s popped out too many times. It’s time we settled it once and for all.
i want you to take me.

i’m reliving every moment i’ve spent with you. <|3

i’m that girl with messy hair, bad acnes and chipped nails. But that’s who i am
and i’m not changing. so you’ll have to love me despite that.
no.
you’ll have to love me because of that.

hello stranger, are you flying in from the city or did you fly in from the town?
oh, so you’ve come to steal her heart away but babe, you’ll never get her with that frown.

what is up with me and flying??

let the sun set on my summer <33

god, why didn’t you make me gorgeous? Tess mumbled to erself as she slouched back into her seat. It was prom day and she was feeling less than beautiful, a little shaky and really sick. -PROMENADES AND FUNERALS <33 [im making a story. HAHA]

all i need is magic

rescue me

you can have me.

don’t you want to make these rumors a reality??

there will always be that one boy who will be one girls reason
why she hates their gender.

“tanaw tanaw man ka? IBOG KA? tulion tika run!”
-teacher emelin

the key is:
to never let anyone hurt you. right?

i fall don’t on my knees. <33
GOD, I NEED YOU FO’ REAL

of lessons learned and the ones you forgot to teach me

Posted on by
9
january 23, 2005


I’ve been jumping from the tops of buildings


My bones have shattered

My pride is shattered

And in the midst of this self inflicted pain

I can see my beautiful rescue


I’m falling more in love with every single word I withhold

I’m falling more in love with every single word you say

I’m falling head over heals for you


At the top of my lungs I’m singing you a song

“Don’t you leave me alone”

My bones were shattered

My pride lay shattered

Well I’ll trample my pride

Until the whole world dance with me


Again well I’m crying out,

“wash my hands, these bloody hands, oh open my mouth and I’ll sing”


I’ve been dancing on the tops of buildings,
with you.


Here I am again

Talking to myself

Sitting at a red light

Both hands on the wheel

How am I supposed to feel?

So much running through my mind

First you wanna be free

Now you say you need me

Giving mixed signals and signs

It’s so hard to let you in

Thinking you might slam the brakes again


This is more than I can take

You tell me that you love me first

Then throw your heart into reverse

I gotta get away


I can’t keep coming back to you

Every time you’re in the mood

To whisper something sweet in my ear

It’s so hard to move on

Cause every time I think you’re gone

You show up in my rearview mirror


Is this just a detour?

Cause I gotta be sure

That you really mean what you say

It’s so hard to let you in

Thinking you might slam the brakes again


today was emo day is issaville and i have no idea why. i guess i just spent the whole day either writing in my journal, sleeping, eating and gazing into space. [i think i’m into space rangers now. HAHA]
i know i made it soo corny and casual to some people people [heck, most] but waking up on my own, not rushing and having nothing to do on the bus, during lunch or in between class time definitely had it’s effects on me. and i know that i’m the one to blame here but yeah, i still don’t know.
i thought i’d keep myself preoccupied with POKEMON: Frigo Returns but then, i don’t know, i kinda lost the urge to play after i beat Brendon. ok, that sounded soo dorky. INEEDHELP. so anyways, i decided to listen to some music and bang, i just had to listen to all these songs that made me think and yeah. that sucked for me.
i don’t know. i guess today i just realized that i haven’t changed much. I haven’t changed from the time i told myself that i wasn’t going to fall inlove again and i haven’t changed since i told myself that i was just going to have fun. God knows my objectives have changed but i don’t know.. i can’t help but think that i’ve failed myself, stepped on other people and hurt myself and someone else too.
God, i miss him but i know that i can’t do this anymore. i know for sure that i’m letting go because at first, i wanted to see if he’s follow, if he’d hold on and now, i’m letting go because i know that i can’t take the pressure and i can’t take all hype. maybe i’m just not cut out for this and maybe i’m just a tad bit out-dated for this whole boy girl thing. and no, i’m not liberated maybe he’s just not the one i’ve been waiting for.
i mean, i only get one first boyfriend, right? and let’s face it, i already screwed up the first kisses and shit so, i might as well make this good. i do not even know what i’m talking about anymore.
geez, i’m getting deaf in my right ear. i hate this.
so, issa’s been emo today. doesn’t that just suck?
now i remember why i don’t like having flings. but i know why i live for them. i am just a sad little confused person. the gods can mock me, i’ll let them. god, i feel like absolute crap.
but aside from that, i’m kinda excited for what’s in store. francis’s prom is coming up and i just hope that would turn out well. i know this sounds lame but i’ve been practicing on how i eat. believe it or not, i am extremely consious on the way i eat in front of guys because one, i don’t know where the spoon and fork go [lefty, people!] and two, i’m a klutz. yeah, now you know why i won’t eat with just any guy. haha.
i do hope that goes well for everyone. i hope i’m a good date and i hope francis’ll be a good date too. i’m still shy around him, in a “holding back” kind of way. you can shoot me now!

so here are the little scribble on my notebook:

your name’s popped out too many times. It’s time we settled it once and for all.
i want you to take me.

i’m reliving every moment i’ve spent with you. <|3

i’m that girl with messy hair, bad acnes and chipped nails. But that’s who i am
and i’m not changing. so you’ll have to love me despite that.
no.
you’ll have to love me because of that.

hello stranger, are you flying in from the city or did you fly in from the town?
oh, so you’ve come to steal her heart away but babe, you’ll never get her with that frown.

what is up with me and flying??

let the sun set on my summer <33

god, why didn’t you make me gorgeous? Tess mumbled to erself as she slouched back into her seat. It was prom day and she was feeling less than beautiful, a little shaky and really sick. -PROMENADES AND FUNERALS <33 [im making a story. HAHA]

all i need is magic

rescue me

you can have me.

don’t you want to make these rumors a reality??

there will always be that one boy who will be one girls reason
why she hates their gender.

“tanaw tanaw man ka? IBOG KA? tulion tika run!”
-teacher emelin

the key is:
to never let anyone hurt you. right?

i fall don’t on my knees. <33
GOD, I NEED YOU FO’ REAL

didn’t you know that this is what i do?

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sinulog was awesome. i got soaked in beer from a street party that was mind blowing. i got a free hena. [thank you, axel. thank you, sam] im an angel. i finally got to try DJ Mix [the lime kind] which btw, does NOT tast like lime at all. thank you nina. i went to mikel’s place. i smelled ken’s awful fart and well, it was just pretty awesome. especially that hug i got during the street party. francis is cool when he’s drunk.. or almost drunk or when he pretends he’s drunk. HAHA.


i had a great time with nina and chabel. the two people i’ve missed the most and i had an awesome time with the guys. i hate ostings ear kisses though but i’m pretty sure that my ear kisses were pretty good paybacks.

antz loves 5 pezez and i had beggars feet. god with that. lol.

nina bought cigz and didn’t bring a lighter which was swweeet. and she was also a pleasant victim of the ear kisses. we kinda freaked her out in the car too. “OOH YES, DADDY!” hahaha. nice one, horny bitches 😛

and i ran into marc a couple of times. i think. maybe more. don’t care.

things to get:
my shades from francis
dog tag from estong
drunk HAHA

the best part of being
cebuanno?

definitely SINULOG!

didn’t you know that this is what i do?

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sinulog was awesome. i got soaked in beer from a street party that was mind blowing. i got a free hena. [thank you, axel. thank you, sam] im an angel. i finally got to try DJ Mix [the lime kind] which btw, does NOT tast like lime at all. thank you nina. i went to mikel’s place. i smelled ken’s awful fart and well, it was just pretty awesome. especially that hug i got during the street party. francis is cool when he’s drunk.. or almost drunk or when he pretends he’s drunk. HAHA.


i had a great time with nina and chabel. the two people i’ve missed the most and i had an awesome time with the guys. i hate ostings ear kisses though but i’m pretty sure that my ear kisses were pretty good paybacks.

antz loves 5 pezez and i had beggars feet. god with that. lol.

nina bought cigz and didn’t bring a lighter which was swweeet. and she was also a pleasant victim of the ear kisses. we kinda freaked her out in the car too. “OOH YES, DADDY!” hahaha. nice one, horny bitches 😛

and i ran into marc a couple of times. i think. maybe more. don’t care.

things to get:
my shades from francis
dog tag from estong
drunk HAHA

the best part of being
cebuanno?

definitely SINULOG!

man slut

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ok, right now, i don’t know how i should be feeling. yeah, i’m a little furious right now but whatever, right? this was my decision [but not my choice!] and if someone wants to go talking to other people because they’re more comfortable around them now, then be my fucking guest!

yeah. i guess i shouldn’t believe in what guys say, huh? yeah,i guess i shouldn’t be obnoxious enough to believe that. yeah, i wonder what they’re talking about.. awhh.. you’re soo sweet. it’s ok, it’ll work out. yeah, like they’d talk about THAT.

i’m not the paranoid type here but WHATEVER, OK!!

BOYS ARE SLUTS.
MAN BITCHES.
AND I HATE THEM.
GOD,I HATE THEM ALL.

maybe i’m not meant to fly

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you think that maybe, just maybe god made this
hidden contract with me that i don’t know about?
maybe he has this thing going on where i can be
completely happy, giddy,whatever on regular
days and then he completely backfres on me during the holidays?
or any happy day for that matter.

note to self:
make sure i’m not inlove on the following occasions:
sinulog
valentines day
christmas
new year
halloween
i unno that many holidays but when you’re supposed to be happy
and out partying and you know it…

please do not love me.

god, this sucks. i guess you can’t always.. seize the day.
today is the worst day of my 2007. remember that. REMEMBER IT!

bad remarks on my card.
my papa totally dissed my new top.
i cut my leg
and things are not looking up from where i am
etc. etc.

and just when you thought this day couldn’t get any worse, it just did.
i was feeling a bit emo and decided to put on some grey nail polish since black isn’t my thing anymore and while looking for it, a bottle shattered on my legs and now, i am completely horrible.

but i know that this is the right thing to do. i know that even if i’m loosing something worth soo much to me,i would be gaining back so much more.

fuck that. maybe i’m just trying to sound ok. maybe i’m not.

tonight is the perfect night to be emo.

i’m goin to stop talking now

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 think i could like you
i already do 
feelings can grow but 
they can go away too 
you're taking my hand 
looking into my eyes 
don't be in a rush to end mid night 
feel something happening 
could this be a spark? 
to satisfy me baby 
gotta satisfy my heart 

do you know how to touch a girl?
if you want me so much 
first i have to know 
are you thoughtful and kind? 
do you care what's on my mind? 
or am i just for show? 
you'll go far in this world 
if you know how to touch a girl 

 think i could like you 
but i keep holding back 
cuz i can't seem to tell 
if you're fiction or fact 
show me you can laugh 
show me you can cry 
show me who you really are 
deep down inside
 
do you feel something happening 
could this be for real? 
i don't know right now 
but tonight we'll reveal 
do you know how to touch a girl?

music is my boyfriend ❤

there’s been a weird delay in my PMS schedule. I have officially turned into an over acting, hot tempered chuva ek-ek. HAHA. i read that line somewhere and now i can’t stop saying it.

god, my mom just hogged the computer for a good hour. that was not fun.

anyways, my weeks been ok. i fitted my dress, made some money, went to school and the usual.

this weeks downer:
ISSA the Iguanna/ Hamster just passed away and i unno, that just sucked.

i need to go out and buy myself a cute top before sinulog. because.. i want to wear it on sinulog, dufus.