my eyes are stil sore from crying my eyes out. i feel like an idiot right now but not because i’m guilty or anything but because, i never realized what my parents taught me to.

sorry if this is soo publicized but this is where i channel all my feelings and forget how i feel and forget the world and just forget, you know?

you know, honestly, this was my decision, i asked for time and i know you’ll give that to me and i’m thankful. we had soo many time to fix things, so many days and hours to fix it. and i guess it hurts to know that when i’ve finally turned myself off, there’s still alot of you holding on to what i’ve let go and honestly, i can’t think of a reason why. and it makes me realize that, if you have reasons that i don’t maybe, this isn’t supposed to work out or end the way it should.

i know we’ve been friends for soo long. but, sometimes it feels like i don’t know.. maybe we don’t need each other as much as we used to.

i’m willing to be friends but right now, that’s all that i’m willing to be. i can’t imagine us trying to fix things again, not in this situation where i’m not quite willing to yet. i just want to start from the begining, i want to know what we’re really supposed to be. if we’re supposed to be BFF’S, then we’ll cross each others paths again. if we’re not, then, well, i will always treasure what we had and i will always look back at our pictures and hopefully rem. the good days. not the quiet meals, not the insults, not the back bites and not the fights. no, none of that.

i want to be civil. just that.

i know you want more. but you’re soo fond of getting things your way. i know this is harsh but, not right now, ok?
i can’t please you. i’ve done that for too long. i watched us put up too much for too many months and it’s time we learned that not everything can last as long as we want it to.

my eyes are stil sore from crying my eyes out. i feel like an idiot right now but not because i’m guilty or anything but because, i never realized what my parents taught me to.

sorry if this is soo publicized but this is where i channel all my feelings and forget how i feel and forget the world and just forget, you know?

you know, honestly, this was my decision, i asked for time and i know you’ll give that to me and i’m thankful. we had soo many time to fix things, so many days and hours to fix it. and i guess it hurts to know that when i’ve finally turned myself off, there’s still alot of you holding on to what i’ve let go and honestly, i can’t think of a reason why. and it makes me realize that, if you have reasons that i don’t maybe, this isn’t supposed to work out or end the way it should.

i know we’ve been friends for soo long. but, sometimes it feels like i don’t know.. maybe we don’t need each other as much as we used to.

i’m willing to be friends but right now, that’s all that i’m willing to be. i can’t imagine us trying to fix things again, not in this situation where i’m not quite willing to yet. i just want to start from the begining, i want to know what we’re really supposed to be. if we’re supposed to be BFF’S, then we’ll cross each others paths again. if we’re not, then, well, i will always treasure what we had and i will always look back at our pictures and hopefully rem. the good days. not the quiet meals, not the insults, not the back bites and not the fights. no, none of that.

i want to be civil. just that.

i know you want more. but you’re soo fond of getting things your way. i know this is harsh but, not right now, ok?
i can’t please you. i’ve done that for too long. i watched us put up too much for too many months and it’s time we learned that not everything can last as long as we want it to.

honestly, i don’t know what to do anymore. i can’t say that i’m totally sad about what’s happening because quite frankly, i don’t think much of anything is going to change except for the .. the really can’t find the right word to describe it. the .. shit, i know this.. uhm, AMBOT OIE, PISTI!

anyways, yeah, things have been happening in my world lately. imagine that, i finally have something to talk about something other than hating school or .. whatever.

hahai. i know things’ll be different. lunches will def. be akward since we’ve managed to go through a whole year putting up with this but.. this is what i want and i’m sure she wanted it too since she didn’t even have the courtesy of talking to me about it. so, i guess, we’re ok.? no, but she has her friends and i have my notebook. which sounds sooo exciting.

miguel picked me up today. i made him spend 300 bucks on a cab. lol. thanks, mig. iit was fun.

anyways, i’m over it. i just wont go to school. simple.

“ring ring” checks phone: francis [shsj] Ü

do i really want this?

no

i think i want something else. and i’m not telling.

i think it’s a completely different thing when you don’t wanna tell your friends about him cuz you’re scared of spoiling it. spoiling your chances of being happy and spoiling your chances of being with him.

i wish he’d want me back. ❤

issa decides to get real.

done fantasizing here, thankyouverymuch.

anyways, my week has been hectic. i’m pilled with projects again. but it figures, once it’s this time of the quarter, this kind of stuff is expected. the only good thing about projects and p.t.’s is that we get to slack off alot and projects are a good source of income for me. making them for other people, that is. people must think i badly need the money cuz i’m soo into selling nowadays but, i don’t know.it’s something i wanna do for a very long time. i have a fetish for making my own money and watching it grow. mr. right, you’re gonna have to deal with that. 🙂 thank you, rich dad, poor dad. LMAO.

anyways, yesterday was fun for me. and my week has been pretty fair. my days are getting brighter despite the rain. ❤
the other day, i almost got drunk from a glass of wine. geez louise. krystle gyud. “is your mom a baker cuz you have great buns” you bitch. haha.

yesterday was fun too.i got my artwork loyalty card and i hung out with mikee [again] and marc.:) and they got to meet my mom! haha. which got my mom asking. geez. “who were they?” “unsa man to? kinsa nila nanguyab nimo?!” haha. fuck. sorry, marc. didn’t tell yoiu about that. Hehe?

i stayed up late yesterday reading old conversations on paper that i saved from my first year of highschool. dramatixx, man. lmao. i miss those times. i miss it badly. </3 i could never have what i had in stc all the way in mmch where little happens. but i’m fine. i have “other” things that keep me sane. like, staying up late at the thought of marc puking his guts out cuz of too many bazooka shots. lmao. i still don’t know what that is. so tell me, what’s your deepest and darkest secret? smug.

so, i guess i’m back to my normal life again. i got to go to the mall yesterday and just hang out with friends. i hung out and watched a movie with mikee, a friend from springdale which,i have to say was really weird for me. i think that was the first time i eer hung out with a guy, the whole day. it was kinda like a date, except the liking each other part.. wow. so, i can’t go out with a guy i like, but i can go out with a guy  i hardly know out of pure randomness. yeah, i’m getting there. one small step for me and one giant leap off to retard land. haha. it could be fun. lmao. i had fun with him. i’d do it again.. except next time with more people. lmao.

i was thrown out of victoria’s secre – i gave the secret away, and they just frown on that – paula poundstone <– I THINK THAT’S JUST HILLARIOUS

anyways, so, the mall was cool. i spent the rest of the night with cry and some other friends cuzit was her birthday. happy birthday, love. thanks for not really inviting me. HAHA. unsa ba oie. 😛 atay nlang. and when it was time to go home, i realized, my parents weren’t home so, it wwasn’t really time to go home yet. but.. i had nowhere to go but home so FUCK that. lmao.

anyways, i’m planning to rant soon. as if this wasn’t enough. geez