Monthly Archives: December 2006

i swear to god i’ve been nothing but nice

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it’s the 23..i think and i’ve been home all day. well, except for angie’s house where i almost got eaten alive by her tiny dog. lol.

yesterday was the christmas party where i got to wear my pretty black dress that i lurved soo much. lol.

the party was ayt. i thought teacher jojo got me but teacher paski got me. lol. and i even have the nerve to shout, “i knew a teacher got me” in fronna anne and sam which was pretty stupid cuz i thought teacher jo did. lol. but i had a feeling it was a teacher anyways so i was pretty damn close!! lol.

my whole day was spent at ayala and just that. i got to talk to marc the whole night which was fun. slept at around 12 and yeah, that’s that.

today ; tomorrow until maybe next week

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today was the last day of tests. yey for that. lol. we had filipino and english which was synch. i just hope my grades make me feel like it was. lol.

i have a new love. and no, it’s not a boy nor a school supply! it’s a book. yey. i have a new hobby. lol. it’s the diary of a crush. lol. so, in some way, a little bit of something is still involved. but it fancies the hell outta me and i’ve learned some new kick ass words like arse, kiss slut and the word fancy now fancies me and whatelse? argh. i want a vintage dress now. lol.

anyways, christmas break is almost on it’s way! all i have to go through next is our xmas party and then i’m free. i think i’ll be totally bumped out tomorrow because i have pratically been snobbed by my bandmates who might be playing tomorrow. i don’t know. i could care less right now. if i’m not wanted then i won’t beg on my knees to be wanted. but honestly… i kinda wish they’d want me. oh well, i wont need to put up with this for long. i’m almost off the hook.

the only thing that excites me about tomorrow is that i get to wear my pretty new dress that mommy bought me from bayo. i’ve been rambling on about how pretty it is and how pretty i could look in it to vince and marc. you know i know that you love me. lol.

i spent the whole day at ayala and i’ve been out for 3 days yet until now, i haven’t finished xmas shopping yet and i’m broke. who knew boys clothes costed millions. milions that i don’t have šŸ˜¦ haha.

well anyways, ima go now. i only asked for 5 minutes from people so, scram.

what’s gonna work? teamwork

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what’s NOT going to work? haha. zecrt-oh amig-oh!

lmao.

so aside from the world being cruel to me, things have actually been turning out ok for me. i mean, i did have to stay in the library after the tests due to the lack on friends at school but aside from that, i’m fine.

i figured, i’m ok with everything for real. if i don’t hear from him, aww.. ok rapud. just make sure i don’t hear from him in a very long time.

no more choices for me. santa knows what i want this christmas. make it good, mister. common, i know you want to šŸ˜‰

i can’t wait to go xmas shopping for my outfit on friday. i want a pretty dress and i’m not taking skirts as an option right now. yes, thank you šŸ™‚

mom’s home. now i’m not in the ranting mood. she just reminded me of how miserble i am at home.

argh, matey!

what’s gonna work? teamwork

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what’s NOT going to work? haha. zecrt-oh amig-oh!

lmao.

so aside from the world being cruel to me, things have actually been turning out ok for me. i mean, i did have to stay in the library after the tests due to the lack on friends at school but aside from that, i’m fine.

i figured, i’m ok with everything for real. if i don’t hear from him, aww.. ok rapud. just make sure i don’t hear from him in a very long time.

no more choices for me. santa knows what i want this christmas. make it good, mister. common, i know you want to šŸ˜‰

i can’t wait to go xmas shopping for my outfit on friday. i want a pretty dress and i’m not taking skirts as an option right now. yes, thank you šŸ™‚

mom’s home. now i’m not in the ranting mood. she just reminded me of how miserble i am at home.

argh, matey!

can i STAB you?

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i miss him soo much.
i miss the happy girl i was when i talked about him.
i miss the girl who loved the sun
and thought that God sent the rain to help the flowers grow.
i miss his voice and actually being in his arms.
i miss having him on playback  in my head all day.
i miss his smile and the thought thati could be the reason behind it.
i miss who i was with him.
i miss being in love.
or thinking that i was.

the phone’s ringing again. ever since i got up, that fucked up piece of shit hasn’t shut the fuck up and it’s killing me.

i am very much annoyed by the fact that the calls are never for me, they’re for the maid, and that i have to get up from my chair, in my room, just to pick up the phone for her. i think there are reasons why we have social divisions. i’m being a bitch, i know. but these are my thoughts and let me sulk in them. and ohh, yeah. one thing about the phone calls. they were his thing. and for a few days now… i haven’t seen him around.

school as usual has been nothing but cruel to me. thank God, i had jet to sit around with and talk about RYPIT moments and crush moments with. if it weren’t for him, i know for a fact that i would’ve been sitting in my chair pretending to write meaningful letters for my THE project and getting fat on my chocolate bar and candy that i brought. if i discontinue the want to turn anorexic or bollimic, i think i’l just turn diabetic. i think the thought of injecting myself everyday feels nice to me. HAHA. my god, i’m kidding. lmao.

btw, thank you, jet. thanks for helping me get through this.

i have bad PMS again. i have the need to destroy everything i’m humanly able to. relationships, things, people. hopefully not christmas. i know what can make me better though- it’s just something i can’t have right now.

i hate the wrinkles i’m giving myself

FUCK THAT TELEPHONE! IT’S RINGING AGAIN!!

So
anyways, when I got home last night I got to thinking. Yes, I actually
do this sometimes. I thought about relationships. My past relationships
and hopefully my future relationships. I haven’t actually had an ACTUAL
relationship or anything that I can call love. Afterall, love is only a feeling. Well
except for that time that I thought i was in love. I think that was
just a mere figment of my imagination. Haha. Something ALWAYS managed
to get in the way of my happiness. Tsk tsk. Why does it always happen?
Boys never fail to break my heart. Or was it the other way around? Haha
I’m kidding. I just want a guy that will call me up at random times
during the day to tell me he misses me. Or randomly surprises me in the
middle of the day because I miss him. A guy that won’t rush into things
and most importantly a guy that won’t play around with my heart. Are
guys like this totally obsolete from the world?


http://bellaluna56.blogspot.com/ <– layla’s blog

hey lay, i stole this from your blog cuz i love it.

last night, i wrote to santa clause. i told him everything i wanted for next year. who i wanted to become, what kind of person i wanna be with and a certain event in my life that i want to happen. I STILL BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUSE and yes, i’m on the good list this year, as always, thankyouverymuch

i have Chemistry and Computer tests tom. i doubt that i can sleep late again though. lately i’ve been getting those, “WHY ARE YOU SOO THIN AND DEAD LOOKING NOW?! UNSA KA, WAI KATULOG?!” sermons every morning and i’m tired of hearing them. it’s not true. i don’t have problems.i get extremely bored and create them. lmao.

the back of my thighs itch. i think i’ll go scratch them with a blade. lol.

serisously, i’m over that.

issa, the IGUANNA

your words are no strangers to me

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despite our sleep over being the best soo far, i can’t help but admit that it was full of “i’m pitiful” moments. sigh.

full of, “i miss hims” and of “i don’t know what to do’s.”

i think i want to turn into a smoker. i don’t know. i want to try a black bat, dj mix, lucky strikes and all those other highly commercialized suicide sticks.

i want to start cutting myself on a regular basis and puking my food out and wearing my hair to the side just like those typical emo kids do.

i wanna be that typical teenager with all those fucked up things rolled into one.

call me crazy. but i blame PMS. it’s got to be PMS because i know that this is not permanent.

i just saw your name pop out from the side of my screen. i know it’s not really you but i saw it anyways and i can’t help but wish it was you and that you’d call me and talk to me and just make me feel better with just the sound of your voice

i don’t know what i was thinking. i don’t know what to think anymore either. i just hate the fact that you’re too scared to be with me. how much more could you possibly hurt me?

i think it’s actually humuorous how i’m soo affected by the whole deal when i knew that this would happen. i guess was just fantasizing again..poor kid.

I wish you’d tell me that you couldn’t break my heart to my face. i wish you’d tell me that you love me and i wish that you’d say it while looking straight into my eyes so that.. wa lang, experience. HAHA. jk.

seriously, i’m ok. maybe a little bit of me isn’t. i mean, who would be? but you know, if it’s for the best then why waste it?

but the truth is, you were the best thing that could ever exist in my life right now


name
age
sex
blood
birth

pisti ka.

taking it one day ata time . of boys & … boys

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today we had the SSC outreach program which i’m very happy to say was very very succesful. i loved the fact that we were able to do what we did even if it’s just cuz it was christmas. it’s not hypocritical, it just makes more sense. lol.

today was good for me. it was kind. it was better, waaay better than yesterday. yesterday made no sense to me. no sense to me at all. humm..

anyways, i spent the whole morning with tamae, talking and helping her try to make her speech in bisaya which was FREAKIN hard, man. lol

the whole significance of my morning though was talking to tammy about everything. well, not everything but you know, that. what’s happening right now. and to be honest, i’m shocked. lol. TAMAE MAN GUD! I BLAME YOU AND YOUR GUESSES! haha.

now, i’m just confused. lol

i feel like such an idiot right now. sometimes,i feel like i just talk to hear the sound of my own voice. sometimes i talk and don’t even think what the consequences might be. and god,  feel like such an idiot gyud. arrrgh, matey. lol

tamae told me to weigh the things about certain people. cough, cough.

she let me rant for a while and yeah, that did go on for some time. lol. pisti.

and i hate how she kinda guessed what i didn’t realize. i swear, it’s just so hard.

is it too late to wish it all away now? i don’t wanna wish it all away. i just wish, this wasn’t as complicated. lol

he’s the nicest
he makes me want to change
i know i can trust him
i can see that he’s willing to try
he makes me smile

but sometimes i feel that i havta give him a little push now and then. just to make sure i’m not completely alone in this

he’s soo nice… i can’t break his heart.

he plays games [but sometimes, i like it]
he’s fun
for some reason, he can be the most annoying person in the world but, i never get annoyed
i don’t have to worry about what i say to him cuz it’s just cool like that
he’ll always be around
i don’t believe in this but like, sometimes, he gives me that feeling na, he’s changed. NOT. what am i? 13? HAHA

i have a feeling that he can hurt me the most

i don’t wanna think that i can live without him in the picture anymore because honestly, i thought about it and i realized na if he found someone else, it would crush me. crazy, right?

where is this all coming from? OH. TAMAE!!

she kinda said she knew who i wanted. and honestly, i don’t know. it struck me. her reasons struck me. and i now i can’t stop thinking.

what if i’m wrong? what if he hurts me and i’ll have no one else.

i don’t want that to happen. not after i told myself that it’s ok to love. it’s ok to let him in and it’s ok to happy.

i don’t know who’s reading this right now but, i’m sorry. i have to choose. i don’t wanna be wrong. i wanna be happy.

i love, hate, want, can’t live, killed, shot you.
guess.