anyways, school starts at 10:30 tomorrow so i thought i’d take the time to just relax and blog since i haven’t done it in a while. 😦

but i’m kind of having a mental block right now. it sucks. this could’ve been my chaaaance 😥

but honestly, i’m so bugged about james right now. he’s being different, he’s acting differently, treating me differently and yk, i can’t help but think that maybe he doesn’t love me anymore.

maybe i’m just such a bad person. a bad girlfriend. maybe it’s my fault cuz i can’t seem to make him happy anymore.

i mean, we hardly spend time together and the little times that we do, he either, he’s busy, he made plans, he doesn’t wanna hang out with me or we’re fighting which makes him NOT wanna hang out with me more.

sometimes i feel like he really wants me out of his life now. like the distance is making him happy and maybe he wants it permanently.

i’m not supposed to be blogging about this but i can’t help it. i just need to talk about this right now.

i ALWAYS plan stuff for him to wanna want me. down to the smallest notes and doodles that i make for him. i’ve been planning his badging gift, xmas gift AND new years gift and despite how hard i try, i don’t get anything in return.

i just want to be loved the way he used to love me because i know that there was a time when he did. but i just haven’t felt it in a long time.

i love him, no doubt. but sometimes i feel like i’m not getting anything out of this relationship anymore.