i don’t actually know how long i’ve been gone but it feels like an awfully long time.

school has been ok but never great. so far i have passed all my tests [with decent scores to match] and i’ve been busy practicing our dance for Intramurals which are coming up pretty soon. i am so hyped! mainly because god, it’s college. and i’m dancing, i mean, that’s pretty cool, right? haha.

we haven’t had class the whole week. like, all we have to do is go to school for PE practice and i usually don’t even go cuz i skip to hang out with james or practice for free steps. lol.

in complete and total fairness, i don’t think life sucks as much anymore. but it still sucks.

james is on the verge of ending our relationship because lately i’ve been too “emo”. ok, i know i may not look like it but god, i can be hellah emo at times. i just have the unusually preppy alter ego to cover it all  up ;]

he got this one time when i told him that i thought about killing myself sometimes or that i wanted to die. but really, is it such a bad thing to think about death?

i’m gaining weight now. i think that’s a good thing considering the fact that the only thing people say to me now is, “hoi is, nganu daut naman kaau ka?!” [amanda, that means issa, why are you so fucking skinny now?] and honestly, i don’t know why either. for a while, i thought my bod stopped accepting food because i was trying so hard to gain weight and then idk. honestly, i don’t even know why i lost all that weight in the first place. my friends think it’s because i’m having sex now. but i’m not. i wouldn’t want to have sex with james. i’m not ready for that yet and quite frankly, i wouldn’t wanna have sex with him right now. not while we are so fuzzy all the time.

i just wish he knew how i felt about everything. it sucks having to keep it all inside all the time.

my 18th is coming up soon. i’m excited. i’ll tell ya’ll about my party plans SOOOOOOOON.

i gtg. i need to be up by 2:30. have this university run shit tomorrow.

hugzz.